When we arrived at the mission on Sunday i found myself feeling much the same as I did that March day in 2005 when we first opened the HHSM storefront . Excited for the opportunity to serve God despite the fact that we had no idea what we were doing. It was amazing! No clue what was about to happen and yet totally open to whatever God wanted. Sunday was like that. Something that had been stirring in our hearts for sometime now was now about to happen and again we had no clue what the plan was only that we were willing to step out even at the risk of being wrong,
"aren't you doing church already? Haven't you been doing church for the last 10 years? So what are you waiting for?" Oh what a relief it was to hear that from someone else out loud the voice I have been hearing for some time in my heart. So we decided that Sunday was going to be it-we were going to have church down at the mission with our friends if they will come. If they didn't We would still do it-remember willing to be wrong, crazy, rebellious all of that but simply willing. I have to admit we had avoided it fo r so long for many reasons; we aren't pastors, what would our church community say, would we risk looking like anti-traditional church people , would people understand. Notice that all of these questions and concerns had everything to do with the "world" and nothing to do with God. How did we get here? As a part of my Jesus FREAK journey I was worried this very thing would happen, my hesitation to God out of fear for what people would say. When 10 years ago we(my Jesus friend and I) first stepped out to meet people on the street to hand out clothes and talk about Jesus MANY people though we were crazy-including Tom but I went anyway. When Tom joined the team and I felt God sending us to have a storefront in the Barton st community and we signed a lease with no money to back it up people said we were irresponsible, crazy and selfish but we did it anyway. When I tried to manage a full time job and be at the mission too and had to make a decision between the two because there want enough time for both and I choose the mission with no pay no pension no benefits \MANY people thought I was crazy, irresponsible,selfish, rebellious but I did it anyway. Crazy, FREAKY Jesus FREAKY.
Through each of those decisions I focused on one thing only-Gods voice. I am glad I didn't take the advice of anyone else because as crazy and difficult as this journey has been and continues to be I am exactly where He needs me to be and my life has never been more blessed. We never had a business/mission or church plan just a crazy notion that God would never leave us even if we were wrong,He would pick us back up and give us the grace to continue.
Starting church at the mission was no different. No plan, but we did print out some words to a few worship songs we liked and asked our friend John to come and talk to our friends about God. We made coffee and brought donuts and sat together with 5 of our friends in a circle with 2 more stopping to listen grab a coffee and flee and listened together from God word. Question's were asked in the comfort of friends and requests were made and advice was given. Church. Simple and wonderful. Why had it taken so long? Perhaps it had to. Perhaps God was waiting for us to grow a little more or perhaps our fear prolonged it. Whatever the reason it is here now-church on Sunday at the mission,Simple and wonderful. Not sure whats going to happen next Sunday but we do know we will be there to make coffee and listen to the Word and be with our friends. This I think was the FREAK I had been searching for.The funny thing was it was right here all along-God was just waiting for me to trust Him again like all those other times before.
Thanks for following on this crazy messy journey with me.
Monday, January 28, 2013
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Removing the noise to hear from my God
That's my "resolution " this year- to remove more of the noise to hear from my God. Yes I need to loose some weight, exercise, eat better, get more organized, be nicer to people, learn to cook, learn to put on foundation(crazy i know but something I have never learned so one day...) remember birthdays, and the list could go on and on. The reality is that none of these will really matter in the long run if they all become more noise and a barrier to God.
All of these things (okay maybe not the foundation part) can help me to become a better person to the world at large. I also believe they can also become incorporated into my life on a spiritual level that actually enhances my journey with God in fact in the past I tried to lie about my motives going into the new year with that logic. "I am going to loose weight not just by dieting but by praying while I do it or following a "christian diet program" lol! "I will live a healthier lifestyle because I will read scripture that talks about what God expects of us when it comes to body image and this temple He gave us" " I will be more organized and remember things like birthdays and be more aware of the people in my life whom i tend to forget about in my day to day routine by listening to sermons about relationships." There is a central theme here, yet year after year I miss the obvious of what the real issue is that will bring together all of these "resolutions" and save me from the inevitable of week 9 when I realize I am defeated in all these areas and just do not have the will power to succeed, so stop it all. The theme is the Word of God.
Why do I think that a diet that is based on scripture will work any differently than any of the other diets I have been on my whole life if scripture reading isn't a part of my daily worship to God? Why do I think that I will be more organized and have better relationships by simply focusing on sermons that talk about only those themes when again I don't devote the time daily to connect with my God in prayer to get to know Him better? I am offered advice from people who talk about living a balanced lifestyle but are we really supposed to have a balanced lifestyle or is it really supposed to be unbalanced in favor of relationship with God? If I start removing all the noise like turning on the T.V before opening my bible, or spending as much time in prayer as I do on Facebook internet or phone wont the imbalance actually reveal itself to be the best balance my life has ever had? Would being in a deeper relationship with God be exactly what I have needed all along and eliminate this need to set up resolutions year after year that if I am honest were never spiritual goals in the first place but goals that would make it more comfortable for me to be in the world.
I know God wants me to be healthy in my body but not because I need to be a certain size or have a tight butt, its because a healthy body helps with a healthy mind and this temple he gave me is something I need to look after. God would never want me to put my family through my dieting days that caused misery for all of us and strife in our home or that I was so focused on that exercise routine but I had n time left with my husband or family. There was never anything good or godly about my behaviors trust me. I cant help but think that getting my JESUS FREAK back and connecting more with God would eliminate alot of the reasons why I might turn to food or overindulge in the first place, because I can remove myself from the equation and fill the space with God instead. God wants me to be organized and remember the things that help me have better relationships with people but not because I am punishing myself for not doing it perfectly or running around like a crazy person trying to be everything to everyone. I have to believe that a deeper relationship with God will effect all my relationships including discerning which ones may be unhealthy for my life or the life of my family. It can only enrich the ones that are good and even if I don't remember a birthday the relationship would still be okay because my heart would be open for people to really see Jesus within me and the importance of cards may not really seem important at all ( I wonder how many birthday cards Jesus wrote to his friends) . I am not saying that they are unimportant I just think if I am the most amazing card giver in the world but have a crappy relationship with God who cares?
My resolution is to remove more of the noise to hear from more of my God so that I can become a better person even if I am "fluffier" than the world says I should be or even when I am not so organized and a birthday goes by and even if I never learn to wear that foundation stuff. My prayer is that the only foundation I will be worried about is the one I have in Him so that all the expectations the world has of me will be nothing but a part of my testimony I can laugh about later. Please help keep me accountable on this journey and thanks for following.
All of these things (okay maybe not the foundation part) can help me to become a better person to the world at large. I also believe they can also become incorporated into my life on a spiritual level that actually enhances my journey with God in fact in the past I tried to lie about my motives going into the new year with that logic. "I am going to loose weight not just by dieting but by praying while I do it or following a "christian diet program" lol! "I will live a healthier lifestyle because I will read scripture that talks about what God expects of us when it comes to body image and this temple He gave us" " I will be more organized and remember things like birthdays and be more aware of the people in my life whom i tend to forget about in my day to day routine by listening to sermons about relationships." There is a central theme here, yet year after year I miss the obvious of what the real issue is that will bring together all of these "resolutions" and save me from the inevitable of week 9 when I realize I am defeated in all these areas and just do not have the will power to succeed, so stop it all. The theme is the Word of God.
Why do I think that a diet that is based on scripture will work any differently than any of the other diets I have been on my whole life if scripture reading isn't a part of my daily worship to God? Why do I think that I will be more organized and have better relationships by simply focusing on sermons that talk about only those themes when again I don't devote the time daily to connect with my God in prayer to get to know Him better? I am offered advice from people who talk about living a balanced lifestyle but are we really supposed to have a balanced lifestyle or is it really supposed to be unbalanced in favor of relationship with God? If I start removing all the noise like turning on the T.V before opening my bible, or spending as much time in prayer as I do on Facebook internet or phone wont the imbalance actually reveal itself to be the best balance my life has ever had? Would being in a deeper relationship with God be exactly what I have needed all along and eliminate this need to set up resolutions year after year that if I am honest were never spiritual goals in the first place but goals that would make it more comfortable for me to be in the world.
I know God wants me to be healthy in my body but not because I need to be a certain size or have a tight butt, its because a healthy body helps with a healthy mind and this temple he gave me is something I need to look after. God would never want me to put my family through my dieting days that caused misery for all of us and strife in our home or that I was so focused on that exercise routine but I had n time left with my husband or family. There was never anything good or godly about my behaviors trust me. I cant help but think that getting my JESUS FREAK back and connecting more with God would eliminate alot of the reasons why I might turn to food or overindulge in the first place, because I can remove myself from the equation and fill the space with God instead. God wants me to be organized and remember the things that help me have better relationships with people but not because I am punishing myself for not doing it perfectly or running around like a crazy person trying to be everything to everyone. I have to believe that a deeper relationship with God will effect all my relationships including discerning which ones may be unhealthy for my life or the life of my family. It can only enrich the ones that are good and even if I don't remember a birthday the relationship would still be okay because my heart would be open for people to really see Jesus within me and the importance of cards may not really seem important at all ( I wonder how many birthday cards Jesus wrote to his friends) . I am not saying that they are unimportant I just think if I am the most amazing card giver in the world but have a crappy relationship with God who cares?
My resolution is to remove more of the noise to hear from more of my God so that I can become a better person even if I am "fluffier" than the world says I should be or even when I am not so organized and a birthday goes by and even if I never learn to wear that foundation stuff. My prayer is that the only foundation I will be worried about is the one I have in Him so that all the expectations the world has of me will be nothing but a part of my testimony I can laugh about later. Please help keep me accountable on this journey and thanks for following.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)