I was looking over my blog posts from the past year and I laughed a little, cringed a little and reflected alot. I knew it was a risk putting my personal thoughts "out there" and it is a huge reminder when you look over the year and read titles like "mature enough to run again" especially when your maturity and excitement fizzled out a month after that post lol! But for me that's life, putting yourself out there even at the risk of failing. I am only better than I used to be because of those failings and that is the absolute truth. I have struggled this past year and triumphed but through all of it been absolutely encouraged by every moment. There has not been any struggle that God has not turned into a triumph and if He hasn't yet He will. He has never let me down before.
As we entered 2013 we had been disappointed by the door closing on Toms hopes for a job with Hamilton Police and I found it difficult especially when I had decided that was what God "wanted " for my husband. Tom had been out of work for 3 years and he had made it right to the very end and I was convinced all of this process was all apart of Gods plan for our family to have a steady paycheck and retirement packages and benefit plans. Something we had never had before. Safety and security through my husbands job. It wasn't meant to be and as I wrestled with my confusion and quite frankly my anger I heard from God through scripture about how he looked after the birds, how storing things up here on earth was not important, and how my security should be in Him alone. Dont you hate when He speaks so loudly through His word so there is no denying your feelings were all about YOU and not Him. When we released our own attachment to it Tom received a call from one of the customer references on his resume for the police force asking if he would be willing to come and talk to them about coming to work for them. They set up a new position for him that would provide him a steady paycheck and leave him with the time he still needed to be at the mission ( something he would not have had with the job with HPS) you see God planned for him to go through the hard work to find out some things about himself that he never realized about leadership and strength. Exactly what he needed to confidently step into a position made just for him and to continue his work leading church at the mission.I couldn't be more proud of my husband. Gods triumphs are always bigger than our struggles.
With our limited resources from 2010-2013 we often wondered how we would pay our bills, especially our enormous bills for Toms medication. Just when we were at our last drip from the tap in the beginning of 2013 we received a call from trillium fund who informed us that we had been eligible all this time for coverage and they would be sending us a cheque to us! The cheque was for over $10,000 and we were able to pay down our bills and breathe again. Gods triumphs are always bigger than our struggles.
I almost lost my dad in 2013. To say it was a struggle to see him day after day for months in ICU is a severe understatement. It was a struggle for him spiritually and physically and it was one of the most difficult things I have ever watched. It was a spiritual battleground for me every day but I wouldn't change any of it which I know doesn't make sense but because of all that pain my dad and I are closer than ever. For many years I struggled to know my father on a deeper level but this crisis brought amazing clarity to me about who he is and more importantly how his life has shaped him into the man he is today. When you almost loose someone none of the layers of crap matter and your able to reveal the real humanity in a person and see yourself there. I learned alot about myself and the things I thought I had let go of and came to a place where I needed to not just let go of but really put to death if I was to ever move forward and become the person I was also meant to be. When you release someone of any guilt they think they should hang onto it is like breathing new life into both of you.I am so grateful for every moment alone with Dad in the hospital when I finally got to know him and myself. Gods triumphs are always bigger than our struggles.
2013 was a year of MANY spiritual attacks both personally and at the mission. I'm not really surprised though because 2013 was also the year I celebrated my 10th anniversary of my birthday with Jesus! Lots of wonderful friends gathered early in the morning to have breakfast and talk about our faith and it was amazing to see so many different people connected by the celebration of new life in Jesus. It was also the 10th anniversary of HHSM which meant we were entering into a new phase in our growth which can always mean new challenges and big growing pains. I was in awe when I looked back at how God had turned a simple act of obedience to Him into what we see now at the mission. I remember thinking 10 years ago that because of this new gift I was given that I wanted everyone to know about Jesus but having no way of knowing how that was going to happen considering the mess my life was in. I am not surprised when the attacks come because I once belonged to death and now I belonged to the promise of life. Someone once told me to be more worried when the attacks don't come because it means your working for the devils team and he will leave you alone to do it. That never become more real to me than this year. Stories of how God has moved in the lives of our friends were a definite theme this year so I guess the enemy was ticked off. I will go into battle any day especially when you see the kinds of miracles we have seen in 2013. Gods triumphs are always bigger then our struggles.
2013 meant I turned 40! I always wondered where I would be or what I would be doing when I turned 40 and I NEVER imagined the life I have now. I often heard woman say they were afraid of 40, of getting older of not being at a certain place they thought they should by now. I was so excited to be here, I really was. I am living a life that I never dreamed was possible for me and it gets better every year, not problem free but so spiritually free. My family and BFF planned a party for me and it was overwhelming. When you look around a room with people in your life at 40 and realize how many wonderful mentors are there and people who you could turn to at a moments notice to help you and be honest with you, there is nothing better than that. I received so many special gifts that day but the favorite gift of 2013 was finding out I am going to be a granny in April! I am soooooooo excited for my daughter and her husband and cant wait to meet her. There is nothing more amazing than a baby bring born into a home that already knows Jesus. My life was once off the rails and now is on a journey I could never dream of. Gods triumphs are always bigger than our struggles.
People want to know what you have planned for the year ahead and I guess there are lists of things I could mention but if memory serves me correctly when I am the one planning it never seems to work out, so i think this year my only resolution will be to try my best at removing more of myself to let more of God in and release more of the JESUS FREAK . I haven't made it through this past year or any other of the last 10 by perfect planning or list following but any success has only been through complete surrender to who I am in Him. Blessings to all of you in 2014 and beyond. I pray you will release your struggles to God so He can show you what triumph looks like.
