On January 1st 2015 I wrote in my thankful journal the Word that the Holy Spirit gave me for my life this year, the spirit declared a year of " Restoration of relationships" and as I wrote it down I smiled in anticipation of what God would do in my life. SO far God has definitely done some serious restoration of relationships,even in these last 6 months; family relationships, work relationships and friendships that seemed to be torn apart, mended. Sometimes He restored them to make them stronger Sometimes He restored my vision about certain relationships and gave me new eyes to see why the "restoration" sometimes means separation if a relationship is causing me to stumble in my faith walk. God restores and repairs but in His way, not ours.
In my previous blog I wrote about God restoring the relationship I had with my past, my hometown where alot of my mess was lived out- He truly is a miracle working God! Once again this evening He drew me back to "the well" with an opportunity to speak to a group of youth at YFC Youth UNlimited a Christian drop in center for teens where I grew up. It was incredible to share with the group about what it was like to grow up in their town which was now a city and to be able to come back and now give back to the community by preaching and teaching about how Awesome God is and how Jesus can save any life no matter how messed up. When I was near the end of my "talk" I felt God tell me to "declare it out loud!" I knew exactly what he was talking about because HE had been nudging me for YEARS to restore another part of my journey and I just kept putting it off or making excuses to do it another time. " Declare it out loud!!!!!" ALRIGHT ALRIGHT I said in my mind and this proceeded out of my mouth , " I was a thief and would go to the mall and into the Loblaws store and steal baby formula, but today after this I am going to buy some and donated it to the Salvation army ." There i said it. I left the building to drive to the store but realized it wasn't where it used to be.........maybe its a sign....NO its not.....I drove back through town to find it and parked in the parking lot and took a breath. I needed God to take me back to the time that I remembered stealing it. I needed Him to remind me how broken my life was and how so much of how I lived was simply out of what I needed no matter what the cost. Oh I definitely justified stealing the baby formula because we would "run out of money" or the S.A food bank would not have any free stuff left and my baby needed to eat, but the truth was if I had simply made better choices or managed my money better there would be no need to steal anything. My pride would also not allow me to ask family or friends for help. The bottom line is I was a thief, plain and simple, I took something that didn't belong to me and used my brokenness to justify it.
I realized that I had just spoke to a great group of teens about a God who makes us new and restores brokenness and for years I thought it meant my internal brokenness, I was a new person in Christ therefore the past is gone and didn't matter anymore. My sin was placed at the foot of the cross BUT it didn't mean that part of restoration and restitution was not my responsibility too. Over the years I said we didn't have enough money to do it its almost $30 a can you know! Or I would say God hasn't given me a word about that lol! Or I do ALOT of stuff for people in need so ive done my part! Or I have asked for forgiveness in broken relationships so I have done my part in restoration in my life! How foolish was I to ignore the God who knows my inner most being so well that he also knows what MY journey needed to be restored and healed. He had a "formula" for my restoration that included restoring that which was stolen from ME BUT also for me to restore what I too had stolen.
I went into the store that was much bigger than it ever was and noticed right away in the front lobby a large red bin that said Salvation Army Food bank and one of the top items needed was BABY FORMULA.........I hear you God I HEAR you...
I continued to walk until I found the baby section and looked for the brand I used to use/steal. I tried to remember how many times I stole it but couldn't so I picked up two of each kind just to be sure. I carried it in my arms until I got to a check out where a nice gentleman in from of me got me a buggy to put it in. When it was my turn to pay and she told me the amount the gentleman showed me his phone that had a price for the formula cheaper by more than $6 each at another store and said " you can show them this and they will give it to you for the cheaper price. I remember how hard it was to pay for it when my kids were little" I thanked him but said I needed to pay full price for it. He looked at me funny and the lady behind me said " no its okay they do it here all the time so you should get it cheaper" I said its was okay that I needed to pay full price. The woman ringing my order through said " you want extra points right for your points card and the more you spend the more points you get right?!" I said no I just need to pay full price and please don't put it in bags. They all looked at me like I was crazy. I said I was just donating them to the food bank so its fine, no big deal. I was trying to just deflect and get out I didn't want to tell them the truth to be honest its not an easy thing to explain the real reason to people, the problem was when they heard it was going to the food bank they all praised me for such a great thing I was doing and it just went off the rails with these strangers thinking what a great sacrificial thing I was doing. I felt God telling me to tell the truth of what I did so I could confess that I stole from their store and true restitution could happen....OUCH......
" Okay so 24 years ago I was a messed up 17 year old mom who did lots of things I am not proud of especially stealing baby formula from this store. I needed to make it right with the store to be right with God so that's why I need to pay full price and leave it in the Salvation Army food bank box because of all the things they helped me with and so perhaps another young mom can get help and so I can restore what I stole and make it good for someone else. " I started to walk away with the formula , I wanted to get out as quick as I can but the lady behind me yelled out "you just made my day! Thank you for showing me people are good after all"
I had to turn around... " God is good, He told me to, He restores" and I placed the formula in the box.
I want you to know that when Jesus forgives us we are forgiven without the need to do any "works " to receive that forgiveness. I also want you to know that God asks different people to do different things on their journey because He is a God of plan and purpose and detail and needs to work things out in each of us differently. This story was not shared with you to tell you to do what I did. I wanted to share it with you in case there was something God was asking you to do as a part of your own personal restoration process. It probably isn't literally repaying what you stole but perhaps its playing a part in the restoration of a relationship that's broken, making the first move to say sorry even at the risk that they wont receive it well. Sometimes we need to ask God what our "formula" is that we need to work on replacing in order to grow on this leg of the journey.
