Changing my tires

I believe this is my year to step out again in faith, but my JESUS FREAK is all the way down there......at the bottom and I am on the edge of my cliff looking at it. I still see it I know it is there, I just cant seem to reach it right now. I know I need to. I know I need to STEP OUT STEP UP ...but that's really hard when you feel like life has you on the edge of a cliff.
   I have experienced some serious moments with God in my life, these moments that are happiest are the ones I referred best to as JESUS FREAK moments and I think I am absolutely wrong about that now. I blogged about being on fire for God, shouting his praises and being bold for him with your JESUS FREAK but the truth is it is easy to refer to those moments when they surround times of triumph or moments of expectation, clarity. If all of the best moments are JESUS FREAK moments then the conclusion must be that all of the other moments are NOT and if they are not JESUS FREAK moments, moments where I am alive in Christ and telling everyone about it,or anticipating victory in Him, then what then does that make every other moment in my life ? The times that are filled with so many more moments of despair, anguish, loss, set back and confusion? Who do these times belong to? If they do not belong to GOD then the answer must be that these times I have given up to the enemy, I have allowed him to take ownership of a piece of my life, I have surrendered my FREAK to him.....oh how he must rejoice in that......oh how he must rejoice.........even if they are simply moments...oh how he must rejoice...
We never plan on giving any of ourselves to him, we say the right things, we comfort others with the words of God, we pray the prayers that reject the enemies hold in our lives, we live a life that we think is good, we place all the check marks necessary on our "Christian" notepads in life. It was never my plan to give up the victory promised to me by God, no never the plan.....so how did I get here to this moment? Did he sneak in and steal it from under my feet? Was it while I was sleeping? Was it while life was moving and I moved with it in a state of assumption and void of spirit? The truth is I don't think he did any of that, oh how I wish I could blame him.........nothing can be stolen that you don't decide first to give away. I didn't wake up one day and decide to hand over my FREAK to the enemy but I did it just the same. I don't know exactly when, i thought I had triumphed over the worst time of my life this year but maybe that wasn't triumph at all but a moment of hanging on...oh surviving the battle I can do, its the pieces of yourself that get left behind that can create the wound and start the slow release, like the slow release of a tire that you don't even know is there until your tire gets so low you need to pull over and repair it or sometimes replace it altogether.

 I had a flat tire once on my car so flat that when I went to drive it made a noise and caused my vehicle to stop going straight but caused me to have to grip the steering wheel alot little harder until I could find a safe place to pull over. I was with my husband that night and he happen to be in the vehicle in front of me so I was able to call him to turn around and help, he knows more about flat tires and vehicles than I do .He looked at it, wondered how I didn't notice it before I got in the car a really great question and the truth is I just got in, I assumed everything was as it was when I drove there....I took it for granted that my tires were the same even though I did nothing to make sure that they were, no maintenance certainly that was a job for my husband to do a responsibility for someone else and no spare-why would I need one I never needed one before. He managed to drive it to a gas station that was very close and put some air in to hopefully get us home and we drove to the garage and got a new tire, it seems this one had a hole, small hole but it had been leaking for sometime.
  I realize my faith is exactly like that tire. I have been driving along enjoying the journey, not perfect but all the low moments for  me in the last almost 11 years were certainly balanced out with amazing JESUS FREAK moments........moments I think I may have took for granted.....no I am sure I have...I assumed that with each little bump a big triumph would certainly come because that s been the journey for me so far so why not keep doing what I always did....I didn't notice that my faith was getting flat well before I noticed that I was now looking down at my FREAK from the edge of this cliff like it got flat somewhere and fell off and I didn't even notice.I realize I had taken my faith for granted and just assumed Jesus would fill me up on a regular basis, or better yet someone else in my life a pastor a mentor, with no real extra maintenance from me. No thought to re-evaluate my responsibility in the journey to look at where I was at long enough to notice the slow leak. I had been gripping my steering wheel so hard I am exhausted daily and wondering why ....I need to find a safe place to pull over and go to the guy who knows more about FLAT FAITH then anyone.....As I look down today from the edge of that cliff I see who is waiting for me to bring myself down and stop trying to climb up when part of me needs changing. I want to climb back down and reevaluate where I am at and not simply do all the things I have always done. I want to recommit myself to the one who knows the ins and outs of my spirit and to remind me that the journey He has for me is not one of JESUS FREAK moments that I assume I should always have with a few small bumps along the way but sometimes a season of complete disaster that can only be dealt with by changing the tires on my FLAT FAITH.

 I want to stop asking for God to raise me up higher when I am only willing to put in the same kind of work that I did to get to the place I am at right now.
I am tired of riding with a slow leak and not taking the time to look....I am going to take back any of the pieces of my life,any of the FREAK that I handed to the enemy and I am going to use it all on this incredible JESUS FREAK journey to rise to the place God is calling me to.

God is calling you to a place that's higher.....go and make the changes necessary to get there....pick up the new tools that you will need to get there and if necessary change your tires.