I realize it has been four months since my last blog.
I wish I could say it was because nothing really significant has happened during February March April but quite the opposite.
February was challenging with preparation for our annual Gala fundraiser, hiring an operations manager at the mission and our first employee which became much more of a process than I ever anticipated but thankful that I learned some pretty serious things about processes and people. I also learned that I had to stop and take more time to think things through before allowing the seduction of excitement get the best of me. I know my excitement caused pain for someone else-a bitter lesson to learn. All life lessons that I will carry with me always and certainly NEVER forget. Sometimes you think you are side by side with another JESUS FREAK but sometimes it just turns out that they dropped the JESUS and just kept the FREAK.
March was Gala month which always means crazy times of long days, organizing meetings and praying alot for God to come through with all the unknowns and with the process of hiring over we welcomed a wonderful addition to our team at HHSM who made the crazy process totally worth it. When you are on the other side of the storm or above the clouds I guess its much easier to appreciate the sun. It didn't go anywhere, you just couldn't see it until the storm passed.God had his hand on the process all along and so glad for wisdom and calm of leadership within the board of HHSM. I was more of a FREAK in March than a JESUS FREAK but I guess that's my humanity getting the best of me.
My plan was to get back to blogging in April because there was so much excitement ahead. I have never been more excited about anything else in my life...seriously.....I was about to be a Granny!!!! I was planning to Blog everyone to boredom with my daily writings about her, my beautiful granddaughter, the fresh new hope for our family, our wonderful gift from God. Then April came, full of excitement, full of joy, full of hope...............
Our beautiful granddaughter Brooklyn Adelaide was born on April 5th 2014..........7lbs 12 oz , beautiful chubby cheeks, curly dark hair and the cutest nose I have ever seen on any baby. SO beautiful truly more beautiful than any other baby I have ever seen, I dare say even my own.......... I wonder if her beauty came from knowing that she was already in the arms of Jesus. As I write even these words the lump builds up in my throat and it still seems so unbelievable.
Brooklyns mother , my beautiful courageous daughter Fiona has started to write a blog herself that I would love for you to read. She is writing a raw emotional experience that I can never understand and don't ever want to , I cannot imagine having one of my girls die before me. Please follow it at
http://brooklynadelaide.blogspot.ca/2014/05/happy-mothers-day.html
I have a piece of me that wants to write about how I am feeling BUT somehow it feels wrong......
My JESUS FREAK seems to be hiding somewhere deep inside and I am trying to dig it out but sometimes the heaviness just weighs it down. A few days after Brooklyns celebration of life I was weighed down by a scary call back after my first mammogram, they saw something that needed to be checked again. Its funny when you are already feeling despair how your immediate sense of hope in anything else goes right out the window....I was already ok with possibly dying of breast cancer if I had it.....it all seemed too much for our family that i just assumed the worst things would just keep happening. I didn't even share this with my family out of fear that t would be too much for them to handle , even the possibility of bad news seemed too great, I felt responsible to protect them. It turns out there was nothing but I will say that I discovered very quickly in the month of April 2014 that we have no control over any of it.Even things we think only happen to other people really do happen to us too.
Its hard not to become detached or bitter or remain in the place of anger. Its hard not to think "whats the point of it all anyway if goodness just gets robbed by darkness?"
Its hard to watch as your little girl cries out for you to help them in a moment when darkness fills the room with something to thick that you cant even breathe. Its hard to try to find your FREAK again when your little girl looks lost and knowing that a piece of her is missing and you can do NOTHING at all to fix it.
I know my FREAK is still in there.......I just need time to find it......I know I have no choice but to go looking for it otherwise darkness ultimately wins and that's NOT how this JESUS FREAK works.
Please pray for my daughter and her husband Derek and follow her blog, in spite of the tears I know you will find you will be washed by them and leave feeling hopeful again.
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
Thursday, January 2, 2014
Making triumphs out of struggles in 2013
I was looking over my blog posts from the past year and I laughed a little, cringed a little and reflected alot. I knew it was a risk putting my personal thoughts "out there" and it is a huge reminder when you look over the year and read titles like "mature enough to run again" especially when your maturity and excitement fizzled out a month after that post lol! But for me that's life, putting yourself out there even at the risk of failing. I am only better than I used to be because of those failings and that is the absolute truth. I have struggled this past year and triumphed but through all of it been absolutely encouraged by every moment. There has not been any struggle that God has not turned into a triumph and if He hasn't yet He will. He has never let me down before.
As we entered 2013 we had been disappointed by the door closing on Toms hopes for a job with Hamilton Police and I found it difficult especially when I had decided that was what God "wanted " for my husband. Tom had been out of work for 3 years and he had made it right to the very end and I was convinced all of this process was all apart of Gods plan for our family to have a steady paycheck and retirement packages and benefit plans. Something we had never had before. Safety and security through my husbands job. It wasn't meant to be and as I wrestled with my confusion and quite frankly my anger I heard from God through scripture about how he looked after the birds, how storing things up here on earth was not important, and how my security should be in Him alone. Dont you hate when He speaks so loudly through His word so there is no denying your feelings were all about YOU and not Him. When we released our own attachment to it Tom received a call from one of the customer references on his resume for the police force asking if he would be willing to come and talk to them about coming to work for them. They set up a new position for him that would provide him a steady paycheck and leave him with the time he still needed to be at the mission ( something he would not have had with the job with HPS) you see God planned for him to go through the hard work to find out some things about himself that he never realized about leadership and strength. Exactly what he needed to confidently step into a position made just for him and to continue his work leading church at the mission.I couldn't be more proud of my husband. Gods triumphs are always bigger than our struggles.
With our limited resources from 2010-2013 we often wondered how we would pay our bills, especially our enormous bills for Toms medication. Just when we were at our last drip from the tap in the beginning of 2013 we received a call from trillium fund who informed us that we had been eligible all this time for coverage and they would be sending us a cheque to us! The cheque was for over $10,000 and we were able to pay down our bills and breathe again. Gods triumphs are always bigger than our struggles.
I almost lost my dad in 2013. To say it was a struggle to see him day after day for months in ICU is a severe understatement. It was a struggle for him spiritually and physically and it was one of the most difficult things I have ever watched. It was a spiritual battleground for me every day but I wouldn't change any of it which I know doesn't make sense but because of all that pain my dad and I are closer than ever. For many years I struggled to know my father on a deeper level but this crisis brought amazing clarity to me about who he is and more importantly how his life has shaped him into the man he is today. When you almost loose someone none of the layers of crap matter and your able to reveal the real humanity in a person and see yourself there. I learned alot about myself and the things I thought I had let go of and came to a place where I needed to not just let go of but really put to death if I was to ever move forward and become the person I was also meant to be. When you release someone of any guilt they think they should hang onto it is like breathing new life into both of you.I am so grateful for every moment alone with Dad in the hospital when I finally got to know him and myself. Gods triumphs are always bigger than our struggles.
2013 was a year of MANY spiritual attacks both personally and at the mission. I'm not really surprised though because 2013 was also the year I celebrated my 10th anniversary of my birthday with Jesus! Lots of wonderful friends gathered early in the morning to have breakfast and talk about our faith and it was amazing to see so many different people connected by the celebration of new life in Jesus. It was also the 10th anniversary of HHSM which meant we were entering into a new phase in our growth which can always mean new challenges and big growing pains. I was in awe when I looked back at how God had turned a simple act of obedience to Him into what we see now at the mission. I remember thinking 10 years ago that because of this new gift I was given that I wanted everyone to know about Jesus but having no way of knowing how that was going to happen considering the mess my life was in. I am not surprised when the attacks come because I once belonged to death and now I belonged to the promise of life. Someone once told me to be more worried when the attacks don't come because it means your working for the devils team and he will leave you alone to do it. That never become more real to me than this year. Stories of how God has moved in the lives of our friends were a definite theme this year so I guess the enemy was ticked off. I will go into battle any day especially when you see the kinds of miracles we have seen in 2013. Gods triumphs are always bigger then our struggles.
2013 meant I turned 40! I always wondered where I would be or what I would be doing when I turned 40 and I NEVER imagined the life I have now. I often heard woman say they were afraid of 40, of getting older of not being at a certain place they thought they should by now. I was so excited to be here, I really was. I am living a life that I never dreamed was possible for me and it gets better every year, not problem free but so spiritually free. My family and BFF planned a party for me and it was overwhelming. When you look around a room with people in your life at 40 and realize how many wonderful mentors are there and people who you could turn to at a moments notice to help you and be honest with you, there is nothing better than that. I received so many special gifts that day but the favorite gift of 2013 was finding out I am going to be a granny in April! I am soooooooo excited for my daughter and her husband and cant wait to meet her. There is nothing more amazing than a baby bring born into a home that already knows Jesus. My life was once off the rails and now is on a journey I could never dream of. Gods triumphs are always bigger than our struggles.
People want to know what you have planned for the year ahead and I guess there are lists of things I could mention but if memory serves me correctly when I am the one planning it never seems to work out, so i think this year my only resolution will be to try my best at removing more of myself to let more of God in and release more of the JESUS FREAK . I haven't made it through this past year or any other of the last 10 by perfect planning or list following but any success has only been through complete surrender to who I am in Him. Blessings to all of you in 2014 and beyond. I pray you will release your struggles to God so He can show you what triumph looks like.
As we entered 2013 we had been disappointed by the door closing on Toms hopes for a job with Hamilton Police and I found it difficult especially when I had decided that was what God "wanted " for my husband. Tom had been out of work for 3 years and he had made it right to the very end and I was convinced all of this process was all apart of Gods plan for our family to have a steady paycheck and retirement packages and benefit plans. Something we had never had before. Safety and security through my husbands job. It wasn't meant to be and as I wrestled with my confusion and quite frankly my anger I heard from God through scripture about how he looked after the birds, how storing things up here on earth was not important, and how my security should be in Him alone. Dont you hate when He speaks so loudly through His word so there is no denying your feelings were all about YOU and not Him. When we released our own attachment to it Tom received a call from one of the customer references on his resume for the police force asking if he would be willing to come and talk to them about coming to work for them. They set up a new position for him that would provide him a steady paycheck and leave him with the time he still needed to be at the mission ( something he would not have had with the job with HPS) you see God planned for him to go through the hard work to find out some things about himself that he never realized about leadership and strength. Exactly what he needed to confidently step into a position made just for him and to continue his work leading church at the mission.I couldn't be more proud of my husband. Gods triumphs are always bigger than our struggles.
With our limited resources from 2010-2013 we often wondered how we would pay our bills, especially our enormous bills for Toms medication. Just when we were at our last drip from the tap in the beginning of 2013 we received a call from trillium fund who informed us that we had been eligible all this time for coverage and they would be sending us a cheque to us! The cheque was for over $10,000 and we were able to pay down our bills and breathe again. Gods triumphs are always bigger than our struggles.
I almost lost my dad in 2013. To say it was a struggle to see him day after day for months in ICU is a severe understatement. It was a struggle for him spiritually and physically and it was one of the most difficult things I have ever watched. It was a spiritual battleground for me every day but I wouldn't change any of it which I know doesn't make sense but because of all that pain my dad and I are closer than ever. For many years I struggled to know my father on a deeper level but this crisis brought amazing clarity to me about who he is and more importantly how his life has shaped him into the man he is today. When you almost loose someone none of the layers of crap matter and your able to reveal the real humanity in a person and see yourself there. I learned alot about myself and the things I thought I had let go of and came to a place where I needed to not just let go of but really put to death if I was to ever move forward and become the person I was also meant to be. When you release someone of any guilt they think they should hang onto it is like breathing new life into both of you.I am so grateful for every moment alone with Dad in the hospital when I finally got to know him and myself. Gods triumphs are always bigger than our struggles.
2013 was a year of MANY spiritual attacks both personally and at the mission. I'm not really surprised though because 2013 was also the year I celebrated my 10th anniversary of my birthday with Jesus! Lots of wonderful friends gathered early in the morning to have breakfast and talk about our faith and it was amazing to see so many different people connected by the celebration of new life in Jesus. It was also the 10th anniversary of HHSM which meant we were entering into a new phase in our growth which can always mean new challenges and big growing pains. I was in awe when I looked back at how God had turned a simple act of obedience to Him into what we see now at the mission. I remember thinking 10 years ago that because of this new gift I was given that I wanted everyone to know about Jesus but having no way of knowing how that was going to happen considering the mess my life was in. I am not surprised when the attacks come because I once belonged to death and now I belonged to the promise of life. Someone once told me to be more worried when the attacks don't come because it means your working for the devils team and he will leave you alone to do it. That never become more real to me than this year. Stories of how God has moved in the lives of our friends were a definite theme this year so I guess the enemy was ticked off. I will go into battle any day especially when you see the kinds of miracles we have seen in 2013. Gods triumphs are always bigger then our struggles.
2013 meant I turned 40! I always wondered where I would be or what I would be doing when I turned 40 and I NEVER imagined the life I have now. I often heard woman say they were afraid of 40, of getting older of not being at a certain place they thought they should by now. I was so excited to be here, I really was. I am living a life that I never dreamed was possible for me and it gets better every year, not problem free but so spiritually free. My family and BFF planned a party for me and it was overwhelming. When you look around a room with people in your life at 40 and realize how many wonderful mentors are there and people who you could turn to at a moments notice to help you and be honest with you, there is nothing better than that. I received so many special gifts that day but the favorite gift of 2013 was finding out I am going to be a granny in April! I am soooooooo excited for my daughter and her husband and cant wait to meet her. There is nothing more amazing than a baby bring born into a home that already knows Jesus. My life was once off the rails and now is on a journey I could never dream of. Gods triumphs are always bigger than our struggles.
People want to know what you have planned for the year ahead and I guess there are lists of things I could mention but if memory serves me correctly when I am the one planning it never seems to work out, so i think this year my only resolution will be to try my best at removing more of myself to let more of God in and release more of the JESUS FREAK . I haven't made it through this past year or any other of the last 10 by perfect planning or list following but any success has only been through complete surrender to who I am in Him. Blessings to all of you in 2014 and beyond. I pray you will release your struggles to God so He can show you what triumph looks like.
Sunday, November 3, 2013
The $10 assignment
Last week at church at the mission my husband was speaking about labels that the world gives us versus the labels God can give us. How living a "Christian life" is a difficult one especially if you are moving in a way that honors God but the world disagrees with. There was 16 people in that day. It was the week before OW and ODSP cheques were due. Many of our friends were in a desperate time of the month....many with addictions to drugs and alcohol, many with mental health issues many who are simply with us on a Sunday because they have no more left to loose and want to know if this God is REALLY for everyone and some its just for the coffee. We all wrote on a piece of paper the labels the world gave us; slut,whore, thief, murderer, abuser,looser,crack head,ugly, no good etc and placed them in the garbage as a way to symbolically get rid of the labels and start fresh with the labels that God has for us; redeemed,forgiven,sanctified etc. Before we finished my husband gave each person an assignment to go and bless someone that week and if you wanted to report back and let us know how it made you feel to see someone else blessed and to share their experience we could do that next week. He then gave me an envelope with money in it and asked me to hand each person in the room $10. As i went around the room people we noticeably shook up by the idea that we would give them money...that we would trust them with money, to do what we asked at a time of the month when they were most desperate. Tom and I knew that we were taking a risk in the room with addicts who may then go and get high with it or people who may spent it on themselves but when God puts something on your heart its best to let Him sort all that out. We heard one of our friends say that their neighbor needed a can of beans for a recipe and they would use some of the money for that.Only God knew and He is in control.
When we arrived today at church there was only 7 people there. We knew the numbers would be lower because our friends had received their cheques, the time change may also have sent them early and left because they thought we weren't there and we also knew many of them may have done something with that money they didn't want to share and that was okay too.After worship Tom asked if anyone had anything to share about their $10 assignment. We shared how some gave to moms in the grocery store or put it in the Poppy box, someone put together bags with ensure a snack and a card about Gods love to hand out on the streets. George shared about how he saw a friend he hadn't seen in years who was hungry and so he invited him to A&W to have breakfast with him and then bought him 2 teen burgers to go because they were on sale. He said he talked to his friend about the mission and how it could help him and also shared with his friend about how he goes to church now. He said his friend asked if he was using drugs because George Elliott would never go to church but that George explained its not like what you think church is.We have coffee and doughnuts and sing,talk about God and pray for the people in the neighborhood he told him. He hoped his friend would come today but he didn't. I thought about the times when a friend I haven't seen in a few years gets together with me and do I take the time to talk about God with them? I love when God uses people like George to be teachers for me. I love when we realize it isn't about who is leading the church but how we can learn from everyone there. Tom thanked George for telling his story to us and then George announced ,"Dont let no one screw up your beliefs no matter who the hell it is!" and with that statement he got up and had another cup of coffee.
Sandi shared her week with us also. She was eager to share her $10 assignment with all of us even though she had briefly shared it on Facebook earlier. This is what she told us;
" Marion drove me to the store and i saw a girl I used to know when I worked the streets. I called her over and saw that she was still working the streets sick and had a tracheotomy it was hard to understand her . I had to tell her who I was and she was surprised to see me and how good I looked. I gave her the $10 and told her it was Gods money like you said and then i really wanted her to know why I was so good so i told her about God and Jesus and how he saved my life. I wanted her to know that He forgave my sins and that He forgives her too. I told her about our church and said she should come and she would be welcome there. I really wanted to make sure she knew all about Jesus and she began to cry, Marion could hear her crying from the car. That felt like more than $10 you know and it wasn't about the money anyway was it. It was about us telling people about the Lord and that's worth way more money than that. I know she probably took it to the crack house but God doesn't care about that part because even if she gets high with it she will definitely tell people she saw me and tell them that I am clean because of the Lord and church and everything. People in the crack house will hear it and maybe that's how someone else will get clean and saved. I felt good not with giving the money as much as telling her all about my new life and how she can have one too."
I was blown away by Sandis story although by now I should learn that she is a JESUS FREAK that I can learn from everyday and every moment I get to be with her. She is the first to get up in church when the door opens and serves coffee and tells everyone they are welcome to the space. She understands the heart of God so deeply it seems to radiate out of her. She carries a spirit from God that understands His grace forgiveness and love in an uncomplicated way that it is so easily shared with so many who most of us think are unreachable. Sandi understands that Gods love is for everyone.Not just with her words but with her whole life.
I often think about people who say they don't believe in Jesus because they don't understand why God Allows bad things to happen in life or to them, and when I think of my friend Sandi who has more than enough reasons to hate God for the life she has lived but understands His love can conquer all of it and even use the painful experiences like hers to tell others about Him in a way no one else could , I am convicted and excited at the same time. I am convicted that I need to thank God for ALL things I have experienced and will experience because He can use it all and I am excited to be able to learn from a great teacher like Sandi . I wish everyone could know her. I wish those who are afraid to believe because of pain could learn from her.
Church isn't about who writes the sermon and reads it. Its about the big message that God is trying to teach through each personal experience of Him in the room. When Tom read the sermon and sent the people on an assignment with money that most would not trust them with, he let God do the teaching and waited for the lesson we can ALL learn when we returned the following Sunday. When the story of $10 being given to a crack-addicted prostitute turns into a lesson on forgiveness, everyone is welcome and that even God can be used in a crack house to bring people to the Him we ALL learn more than we ever imagined from the gift of $10 bill. When someone shares that they are going to church to a friend they haven't seen in years over a $10 meal at A&W we learn about faith and courage and sharing that with others even if it is uncomfortable. Thank-you God for the way you use all of us as leaders,preachers, disciples in your church. I love how you use people with labels from the world as "old men,liar, murderer" or " crack-addicted whore" and send them out as "preachers,disciples and teachers of your word". I love that you are the kind of God who loves us beyond measure and is just waiting for us to give our lives to you in order to be used by you for your kingdom. Thank-you for being bigger than all the labels we receive from the world and for making every moment a teaching one and each of us a teacher.
When we arrived today at church there was only 7 people there. We knew the numbers would be lower because our friends had received their cheques, the time change may also have sent them early and left because they thought we weren't there and we also knew many of them may have done something with that money they didn't want to share and that was okay too.After worship Tom asked if anyone had anything to share about their $10 assignment. We shared how some gave to moms in the grocery store or put it in the Poppy box, someone put together bags with ensure a snack and a card about Gods love to hand out on the streets. George shared about how he saw a friend he hadn't seen in years who was hungry and so he invited him to A&W to have breakfast with him and then bought him 2 teen burgers to go because they were on sale. He said he talked to his friend about the mission and how it could help him and also shared with his friend about how he goes to church now. He said his friend asked if he was using drugs because George Elliott would never go to church but that George explained its not like what you think church is.We have coffee and doughnuts and sing,talk about God and pray for the people in the neighborhood he told him. He hoped his friend would come today but he didn't. I thought about the times when a friend I haven't seen in a few years gets together with me and do I take the time to talk about God with them? I love when God uses people like George to be teachers for me. I love when we realize it isn't about who is leading the church but how we can learn from everyone there. Tom thanked George for telling his story to us and then George announced ,"Dont let no one screw up your beliefs no matter who the hell it is!" and with that statement he got up and had another cup of coffee.
Sandi shared her week with us also. She was eager to share her $10 assignment with all of us even though she had briefly shared it on Facebook earlier. This is what she told us;
" Marion drove me to the store and i saw a girl I used to know when I worked the streets. I called her over and saw that she was still working the streets sick and had a tracheotomy it was hard to understand her . I had to tell her who I was and she was surprised to see me and how good I looked. I gave her the $10 and told her it was Gods money like you said and then i really wanted her to know why I was so good so i told her about God and Jesus and how he saved my life. I wanted her to know that He forgave my sins and that He forgives her too. I told her about our church and said she should come and she would be welcome there. I really wanted to make sure she knew all about Jesus and she began to cry, Marion could hear her crying from the car. That felt like more than $10 you know and it wasn't about the money anyway was it. It was about us telling people about the Lord and that's worth way more money than that. I know she probably took it to the crack house but God doesn't care about that part because even if she gets high with it she will definitely tell people she saw me and tell them that I am clean because of the Lord and church and everything. People in the crack house will hear it and maybe that's how someone else will get clean and saved. I felt good not with giving the money as much as telling her all about my new life and how she can have one too."
I was blown away by Sandis story although by now I should learn that she is a JESUS FREAK that I can learn from everyday and every moment I get to be with her. She is the first to get up in church when the door opens and serves coffee and tells everyone they are welcome to the space. She understands the heart of God so deeply it seems to radiate out of her. She carries a spirit from God that understands His grace forgiveness and love in an uncomplicated way that it is so easily shared with so many who most of us think are unreachable. Sandi understands that Gods love is for everyone.Not just with her words but with her whole life.
I often think about people who say they don't believe in Jesus because they don't understand why God Allows bad things to happen in life or to them, and when I think of my friend Sandi who has more than enough reasons to hate God for the life she has lived but understands His love can conquer all of it and even use the painful experiences like hers to tell others about Him in a way no one else could , I am convicted and excited at the same time. I am convicted that I need to thank God for ALL things I have experienced and will experience because He can use it all and I am excited to be able to learn from a great teacher like Sandi . I wish everyone could know her. I wish those who are afraid to believe because of pain could learn from her.
Church isn't about who writes the sermon and reads it. Its about the big message that God is trying to teach through each personal experience of Him in the room. When Tom read the sermon and sent the people on an assignment with money that most would not trust them with, he let God do the teaching and waited for the lesson we can ALL learn when we returned the following Sunday. When the story of $10 being given to a crack-addicted prostitute turns into a lesson on forgiveness, everyone is welcome and that even God can be used in a crack house to bring people to the Him we ALL learn more than we ever imagined from the gift of $10 bill. When someone shares that they are going to church to a friend they haven't seen in years over a $10 meal at A&W we learn about faith and courage and sharing that with others even if it is uncomfortable. Thank-you God for the way you use all of us as leaders,preachers, disciples in your church. I love how you use people with labels from the world as "old men,liar, murderer" or " crack-addicted whore" and send them out as "preachers,disciples and teachers of your word". I love that you are the kind of God who loves us beyond measure and is just waiting for us to give our lives to you in order to be used by you for your kingdom. Thank-you for being bigger than all the labels we receive from the world and for making every moment a teaching one and each of us a teacher.
Monday, October 21, 2013
Going for a haircut.......ending up at church.
This past Sunday at our group we call R.A.W (Real Awesome Worship) at the mission, its our little space, our little church space, I got to hear my husband preach his first ever sermon and it was great. We just finished our second round of Alpha and loving every minute with Nicky Gumbel but our friends wanted to learn more about God. We asked them about what they would like to hear about and they gave us LOTS to choose from. One of those suggestions was "we hear about giving your life to God but what would that look like and be honest", so we prayed about it and thought about what we thought were the hardest things about it and compared it to the expectations God had for our lives and my husband went on to speak beautifully and honestly about "being Christian". He was so nervous because he knows that he does not have the proper "schooling" according to the world and he had to battle his own insecurities -you know that tape that plays in your head that tells you your not good enough, but we have learned together over the past few years that when you follow God it isn't going to make sense to everyone in the world but it is God who we ultimately answer to . The fact is every week at R.A.W we never know who will show up, what will be asked or what will happen. It truly is a beautiful mess most of the time.
This Sunday was extra special because it was the first time we led without relying on Nicky to start us off. We prayed for God to give Tom the wisdom and the words and He really did. I was really proud of him. to see him step out into something for God and open himself up to possible ridicule and at the very least a room of people who would throw really hard questions at him. We gained strength through the worship songs we sang and knew if we released it all to God He would sort it out even if we didn't really hear from him and were not stepping out into his will, we know He is a God who never leaves you in the mess but pulls you out to make a message.
Just as Tom began to preach a woman named Maria came in and sat down, made the sign of the cross over her body and closed her eyes in prayer. We know Maria she has been coming to the mission store for many years now but has never attended our church on Sunday. She listened to Tom and sang worship songs with all of us and prayed with us. When we were finished and everyone started to leave she asked me if she could speak to Tom and I before she leaves. I said of course and she asked me to listen to why. She said in her thick Portuguese accent " I have alot of pain in my life. I lost God along time ago and I put up a wall between me and him because I cry out to him in pain many years for myself and my children but He doesn't come so I said forget you and I put up a wall. I haven't had him for a long time. But I hear you people say today about being mad at God and I am. but I want him back I am ready to have him again but my wall is so big many years many angry years. I want to talk to your husband, have him pray for me I want to have God again." She took my breath away. I called the rest of the people left to come and pray over her with Tom and I and she shared with them a bit of what she told me, even George was there with us. We prayed for the wall to come crashing down and for Maria to know that God had never left her all these years. I was so glad she came , she thanked us for the prayer and left.
Today came and while I was serving coffee at the missions free hair salon Maria came in. She said I need to speak to you right now! I went over to her and she said, " I thought yesterday was the hair cut day, I got my days mixed up. Thats why I came yesterday during your church, I thought you were just praying for the start of the hair cuts like you do for everything and then your husband started speaking about God and I realized I was in church and I was going to leave but I knew that God had tricked me into coming to church to meet Him again. After you prayed with me yesterday my insides were empty I didn't feel hard in the middle anymore and I knew God had tricked me into meeting him, He will do whatever He needs to get you with him I guess. Thank-you for that it has been along time without Him and I am glad He tricked me. SO I am here today for a hair cut -right?" she smiled. "yes Maria today is the hair cut day, not church. " I laughed. She said " I think I may come back to church again either here or the one I used to go to but I talked to God today." I said "Maria I am so glad you and God are talking again and wherever He needs to meet you we are so happy for that and I will let Tom know for sure. Thank-you for sharing this with me."
I am blessed by everything at the mission and I am on an incredible JESUS FREAK journey with God but I am never less than surprised and humbled and forever blown away by the way He does everything so on purpose and so beautifully for His kingdom and the way HE steps right into our beautiful mess everyday. God you are so awesome and I thank you for the boldness of my husband to follow you and for a place like HHSM where there is space for all us broken people to try our best to move forward on our journeys with you. I am so glad God that you and Maria are talking again. :)
This Sunday was extra special because it was the first time we led without relying on Nicky to start us off. We prayed for God to give Tom the wisdom and the words and He really did. I was really proud of him. to see him step out into something for God and open himself up to possible ridicule and at the very least a room of people who would throw really hard questions at him. We gained strength through the worship songs we sang and knew if we released it all to God He would sort it out even if we didn't really hear from him and were not stepping out into his will, we know He is a God who never leaves you in the mess but pulls you out to make a message.
Just as Tom began to preach a woman named Maria came in and sat down, made the sign of the cross over her body and closed her eyes in prayer. We know Maria she has been coming to the mission store for many years now but has never attended our church on Sunday. She listened to Tom and sang worship songs with all of us and prayed with us. When we were finished and everyone started to leave she asked me if she could speak to Tom and I before she leaves. I said of course and she asked me to listen to why. She said in her thick Portuguese accent " I have alot of pain in my life. I lost God along time ago and I put up a wall between me and him because I cry out to him in pain many years for myself and my children but He doesn't come so I said forget you and I put up a wall. I haven't had him for a long time. But I hear you people say today about being mad at God and I am. but I want him back I am ready to have him again but my wall is so big many years many angry years. I want to talk to your husband, have him pray for me I want to have God again." She took my breath away. I called the rest of the people left to come and pray over her with Tom and I and she shared with them a bit of what she told me, even George was there with us. We prayed for the wall to come crashing down and for Maria to know that God had never left her all these years. I was so glad she came , she thanked us for the prayer and left.
Today came and while I was serving coffee at the missions free hair salon Maria came in. She said I need to speak to you right now! I went over to her and she said, " I thought yesterday was the hair cut day, I got my days mixed up. Thats why I came yesterday during your church, I thought you were just praying for the start of the hair cuts like you do for everything and then your husband started speaking about God and I realized I was in church and I was going to leave but I knew that God had tricked me into coming to church to meet Him again. After you prayed with me yesterday my insides were empty I didn't feel hard in the middle anymore and I knew God had tricked me into meeting him, He will do whatever He needs to get you with him I guess. Thank-you for that it has been along time without Him and I am glad He tricked me. SO I am here today for a hair cut -right?" she smiled. "yes Maria today is the hair cut day, not church. " I laughed. She said " I think I may come back to church again either here or the one I used to go to but I talked to God today." I said "Maria I am so glad you and God are talking again and wherever He needs to meet you we are so happy for that and I will let Tom know for sure. Thank-you for sharing this with me."
I am blessed by everything at the mission and I am on an incredible JESUS FREAK journey with God but I am never less than surprised and humbled and forever blown away by the way He does everything so on purpose and so beautifully for His kingdom and the way HE steps right into our beautiful mess everyday. God you are so awesome and I thank you for the boldness of my husband to follow you and for a place like HHSM where there is space for all us broken people to try our best to move forward on our journeys with you. I am so glad God that you and Maria are talking again. :)
Saturday, October 5, 2013
Going on a bike ride....finding me some Jesus
Today was the Ride for Refuge.
Today we left the house thinking we were raising money for Helping Hands Street Mission.
Today I complained about the weather, having to get up early and argued with my daughter all before I left the house.
Today I had a discussion about whether the fundraiser would be "worth it" in the end.
Today God told me to shut my face and pay attention because yet again and as always Today was about something so much more than I could ever imagine.
We rode for team Sandi. Sandi is a friend of mine who is one of the strongest women I have ever known. Sandi and I met a long time ago when we were both very different people. She was addicted to drugs and I was addicted to serving in the community at the expense of my family and not always for Gods glory. She came to the mission for help but what really ended up happening is she ripped away my layers to expose what lessons I needed to learn that could only be taught by her. Sandi says the mission helped save her life, I say the feeling is mutual.
Sandi raised the most money of anyone on our team although I am not surprised. One day when she shares her story to the whole world you wont be either. She is a woman who you want to be close to because wisdom just flows from her. A woman who hangs on to Jesus really hard because she knows what its like when you let go. She was there before me and already ready to go just waiting for her opportunity to get on that bike so she could "get it over with" as she said. Sandi was afraid she may not be able to finish the 10 k. She was out of shape and has some health issues that make it difficult to breathe. She was upset because she couldn't get MORE money for the mission, "maybe next year" she said.
We started the ride and we sent the younger girls ahead to be our pacers and we had Sandi in the middle in case she got tired. Sandi took about 5 minutes to want to go further and faster. As she passed people she talked about who she was riding for (something I didn't do) and at one point she was talking to a woman for quite a while and I could hear things like "I am riding for Helping hands Street Mission they and God really helped me in my life.." she is sharing a small part of her testimony (something I wasn't doing). We reached the half way point and she needed a little break so she stopped and used her puffer, had a drink and a Halls from her pocket. She walked her bike up one of the hills so she could catch her breath. She kept saying sorry, we kept saying its okay. When she got on her bike again the wind started to come against us pretty hard and I heard her start to pray ..."God give me strength and stop the enemy from trying to stop me" I wonder how many times it has never occurred to me to pray first before complaining. Sandi , always a teacher.
Our team made it and we rode in together with some really great people cheering us on. She finished the ride she thought she couldn't do in under an hour. She thanked God when she got off her bike for giving her the strength. A few more people came in behind us and it was someone who had been emailing me about their new church plant wanting to connect again with HHSM to serve and partner with us. We said hello and he introduced me to his mother who let me know that she is a part of a group that is involved with justice for those involved in prostitution and human trafficking. I immediately wanted Sandi to meet her, they have the same heart for the same woman. I brought her over and she explained who she was again and Sandi said " this is the lady I was talking to on the ride." She turned to her and said " I never shared my whole story with you but I was involved in the life too and I would love to talk to you about housing for woman." They went on to talk about connecting together since she has woman doing speaking tours with her group all over the country. I was just watching and loving how God planned this day all along. Sandi said " Can you believe how God does that?!?!" I said "sometimes God is so creepy the way He connects EVERYTHING!" She laughed.
Today wasn't about how much money we raised for Helping Hands Street Mission. It wasn't about if we thought it was worth the time. It was all about God all along moving Sandi onto yet another stage in her journey with him and sending her out to share what He has done in her to more people for His glory. Today was a FREAKY day, A JESUS FREAKY day. A day when you get to watch God take over the whole situation and move you out of the way so He can continue to do the great works He does in all of us.
Today we left the house thinking we were raising money for Helping Hands Street Mission.
Today I complained about the weather, having to get up early and argued with my daughter all before I left the house.
Today I had a discussion about whether the fundraiser would be "worth it" in the end.
Today God told me to shut my face and pay attention because yet again and as always Today was about something so much more than I could ever imagine.
We rode for team Sandi. Sandi is a friend of mine who is one of the strongest women I have ever known. Sandi and I met a long time ago when we were both very different people. She was addicted to drugs and I was addicted to serving in the community at the expense of my family and not always for Gods glory. She came to the mission for help but what really ended up happening is she ripped away my layers to expose what lessons I needed to learn that could only be taught by her. Sandi says the mission helped save her life, I say the feeling is mutual.
Sandi raised the most money of anyone on our team although I am not surprised. One day when she shares her story to the whole world you wont be either. She is a woman who you want to be close to because wisdom just flows from her. A woman who hangs on to Jesus really hard because she knows what its like when you let go. She was there before me and already ready to go just waiting for her opportunity to get on that bike so she could "get it over with" as she said. Sandi was afraid she may not be able to finish the 10 k. She was out of shape and has some health issues that make it difficult to breathe. She was upset because she couldn't get MORE money for the mission, "maybe next year" she said.
We started the ride and we sent the younger girls ahead to be our pacers and we had Sandi in the middle in case she got tired. Sandi took about 5 minutes to want to go further and faster. As she passed people she talked about who she was riding for (something I didn't do) and at one point she was talking to a woman for quite a while and I could hear things like "I am riding for Helping hands Street Mission they and God really helped me in my life.." she is sharing a small part of her testimony (something I wasn't doing). We reached the half way point and she needed a little break so she stopped and used her puffer, had a drink and a Halls from her pocket. She walked her bike up one of the hills so she could catch her breath. She kept saying sorry, we kept saying its okay. When she got on her bike again the wind started to come against us pretty hard and I heard her start to pray ..."God give me strength and stop the enemy from trying to stop me" I wonder how many times it has never occurred to me to pray first before complaining. Sandi , always a teacher.
Our team made it and we rode in together with some really great people cheering us on. She finished the ride she thought she couldn't do in under an hour. She thanked God when she got off her bike for giving her the strength. A few more people came in behind us and it was someone who had been emailing me about their new church plant wanting to connect again with HHSM to serve and partner with us. We said hello and he introduced me to his mother who let me know that she is a part of a group that is involved with justice for those involved in prostitution and human trafficking. I immediately wanted Sandi to meet her, they have the same heart for the same woman. I brought her over and she explained who she was again and Sandi said " this is the lady I was talking to on the ride." She turned to her and said " I never shared my whole story with you but I was involved in the life too and I would love to talk to you about housing for woman." They went on to talk about connecting together since she has woman doing speaking tours with her group all over the country. I was just watching and loving how God planned this day all along. Sandi said " Can you believe how God does that?!?!" I said "sometimes God is so creepy the way He connects EVERYTHING!" She laughed.
Today wasn't about how much money we raised for Helping Hands Street Mission. It wasn't about if we thought it was worth the time. It was all about God all along moving Sandi onto yet another stage in her journey with him and sending her out to share what He has done in her to more people for His glory. Today was a FREAKY day, A JESUS FREAKY day. A day when you get to watch God take over the whole situation and move you out of the way so He can continue to do the great works He does in all of us.
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Breakfast with Jesus
I don't know where to start on this blog I am sooooo excited and filled with joy with how awesome God really is. We just got home from the most incredible celebration of Jesus and the awesome power he has to save people. It was a facebook event to celebrate my 10th birthday with Jesus but it turned into something so much better than that!
It started at 7 am at Angels diner where 26 people woke up early to celebrate together( it turned into 32 by the end of the morning).....LOTS of coffee was served and delicious breakfast and the room just filled with the holy spirit...it was amazing! Friends that I have known for many years and some that I just met but all there to celebrate the awesome power of God who redeems all who ask and surrender to him. Many friends who would never be up before 8 were there , some staying to eat and share until work started and many who flowed in later. The waitress asked what we were celebrating and I got to share with her about my spiritual birthday..always opportunities that God places before us. My Jesus Freak friend who brought me to the Lord was there and I couldn't be more excited for the people who have heard about the mystery woman from my testimony to see her and meet her it took my breath away. She is a very private woman who doesn't normally share but she did and gave details of how God placed me into her life and how He saved hers as well. Then it started a group of people alot strangers who have never met and would have never crossed paths except for Jesus telling their stories of their life with Jesus and what they are doing now and how they met me and really just pouring out their testimonies to strangers and finding the connection between one another....a connection planned so perfectly by God.
I stopped to take some pictures and was looking through the lens at one point and began to tear up. God has placed each one of the people in this room in my life to help me on my journey until this point and moving forward. People from all different backgrounds denominations and even some who wouldn't call themselves Christian (although I believe they are in the closet) people who witnessed the transformation of my life and some who simply know me post-Jesus. My husband said grace and i knew that he wasn't just thanking the Lord for this day but for all the things many in that room don't know that God has taken our marriage out of and into. My life 10 years ago was painful and shattered and I know if God can save me he really can save anyone. There is no doubt in my mind that the obedience of my Jesus Freak friend is the reason why I am here today. She shared about how she prayed to God not to use her to help me because I was so miserable, but God told her to go and tell me about him. I wonder how many people I have over looked because they seemed too hard to get to? I wonder who I am afraid to tell ? My prayer is to be bold for Jesus in all circumstances and be obedient to God in all things.
I asked each person who was coming today to go and bless someone they do not know and simply say that Jesus loves them. This past week I have received many messages from people who couldn't attend who told me stories of the blessings they passed on to strangers and it warmed my heart. Connections were made at the tables that were totally God appointments, ministry leaders meeting possible volunteers, speaking engagements planned for others to share their testimonies with lots more people and friendships rekindled of people who haven't seen each other in a while. We even had a family reunion of sorts...so awesome so God! It was a beautiful mosaic of Gods people celebrating the power of Gods love. If i could start every morning like that it would be heaven. Over 3 hours of stories of redemption, grace , mercy, hope, peace, passion, struggles, joy and love. So often in churches we never get to hear the incredible stories of what God has done and is doing.....living breathing kingdom stories of the miracles God has been doing long after the last word in the bible was written. As we were leaving I went to pay for Hannahs breakfast and the waitress said" oh no someone in your group left me lots of money to pay for any customers meals on my shift that I wanted to bless through out the day." Today there will be many customers feeling the blessings of God at that diner and a waitress who will remember how much joy and love was in that room and tell other people about it.....about someones birthday with Jesus.
I was still so "high" on the spirit when I pulled into our driveway at home to see my friend Will and his brothers emptying their dads house that recently sold. Will was instrumental in my early walk with God and one of the greatest encourages of the mission even though I was so new and had no clue what I was doing or even how to articulate my faith. He allowed me to be bold in my faith and when I said I was hearing from God he never tried to tell me I was not. Even the many times I am sure when I would say or do things that he knew would cause me to have to learn the hard way , he let me walk with God on MY journey so I could learn what I needed to. I love how God had him there on today of all days! I ran to him and told him about our wonderful breakfast and got to share with his brothers too. We prayed together on the front lawn and thanked God for how great he is and they again encouraged me on my journey with him to step boldly into His presence. Talk about feeling on fire! Holy spirit fire!
Today is a day that I look at the people, remember the places and see how God is so intentional with us. If we just open the door to allow him to work the things he can do in and through us are mind blowing! I am still married, have wonderful children, a community of on fire faith filled warriors all that are complete miracles from God and most important I am alive and well in Jesus Christ! If you are reading this blog and are not yet saved please know it is never too late (30 years for me) you are never too broken( I was so broken I wanted to die) and no matter what you have done (I have done some terrible things) Jesus loves you like no one else ever can and he is waiting for you to ask him into your heart. Lord I pray that you break open the hearts of anyone reading this blog who is not saved and flood them with your spirit. I pray that for families who think they have someone who is so lost they gave up trying will be bold again today for you.I thank you Jesus for never letting me go and for redeeming all the things in my life, all the broken that you have made new. Please make me bold and never loose my JESUS FREAK for you! AMEN
It started at 7 am at Angels diner where 26 people woke up early to celebrate together( it turned into 32 by the end of the morning).....LOTS of coffee was served and delicious breakfast and the room just filled with the holy spirit...it was amazing! Friends that I have known for many years and some that I just met but all there to celebrate the awesome power of God who redeems all who ask and surrender to him. Many friends who would never be up before 8 were there , some staying to eat and share until work started and many who flowed in later. The waitress asked what we were celebrating and I got to share with her about my spiritual birthday..always opportunities that God places before us. My Jesus Freak friend who brought me to the Lord was there and I couldn't be more excited for the people who have heard about the mystery woman from my testimony to see her and meet her it took my breath away. She is a very private woman who doesn't normally share but she did and gave details of how God placed me into her life and how He saved hers as well. Then it started a group of people alot strangers who have never met and would have never crossed paths except for Jesus telling their stories of their life with Jesus and what they are doing now and how they met me and really just pouring out their testimonies to strangers and finding the connection between one another....a connection planned so perfectly by God.
I stopped to take some pictures and was looking through the lens at one point and began to tear up. God has placed each one of the people in this room in my life to help me on my journey until this point and moving forward. People from all different backgrounds denominations and even some who wouldn't call themselves Christian (although I believe they are in the closet) people who witnessed the transformation of my life and some who simply know me post-Jesus. My husband said grace and i knew that he wasn't just thanking the Lord for this day but for all the things many in that room don't know that God has taken our marriage out of and into. My life 10 years ago was painful and shattered and I know if God can save me he really can save anyone. There is no doubt in my mind that the obedience of my Jesus Freak friend is the reason why I am here today. She shared about how she prayed to God not to use her to help me because I was so miserable, but God told her to go and tell me about him. I wonder how many people I have over looked because they seemed too hard to get to? I wonder who I am afraid to tell ? My prayer is to be bold for Jesus in all circumstances and be obedient to God in all things.
I asked each person who was coming today to go and bless someone they do not know and simply say that Jesus loves them. This past week I have received many messages from people who couldn't attend who told me stories of the blessings they passed on to strangers and it warmed my heart. Connections were made at the tables that were totally God appointments, ministry leaders meeting possible volunteers, speaking engagements planned for others to share their testimonies with lots more people and friendships rekindled of people who haven't seen each other in a while. We even had a family reunion of sorts...so awesome so God! It was a beautiful mosaic of Gods people celebrating the power of Gods love. If i could start every morning like that it would be heaven. Over 3 hours of stories of redemption, grace , mercy, hope, peace, passion, struggles, joy and love. So often in churches we never get to hear the incredible stories of what God has done and is doing.....living breathing kingdom stories of the miracles God has been doing long after the last word in the bible was written. As we were leaving I went to pay for Hannahs breakfast and the waitress said" oh no someone in your group left me lots of money to pay for any customers meals on my shift that I wanted to bless through out the day." Today there will be many customers feeling the blessings of God at that diner and a waitress who will remember how much joy and love was in that room and tell other people about it.....about someones birthday with Jesus.
I was still so "high" on the spirit when I pulled into our driveway at home to see my friend Will and his brothers emptying their dads house that recently sold. Will was instrumental in my early walk with God and one of the greatest encourages of the mission even though I was so new and had no clue what I was doing or even how to articulate my faith. He allowed me to be bold in my faith and when I said I was hearing from God he never tried to tell me I was not. Even the many times I am sure when I would say or do things that he knew would cause me to have to learn the hard way , he let me walk with God on MY journey so I could learn what I needed to. I love how God had him there on today of all days! I ran to him and told him about our wonderful breakfast and got to share with his brothers too. We prayed together on the front lawn and thanked God for how great he is and they again encouraged me on my journey with him to step boldly into His presence. Talk about feeling on fire! Holy spirit fire!
Today is a day that I look at the people, remember the places and see how God is so intentional with us. If we just open the door to allow him to work the things he can do in and through us are mind blowing! I am still married, have wonderful children, a community of on fire faith filled warriors all that are complete miracles from God and most important I am alive and well in Jesus Christ! If you are reading this blog and are not yet saved please know it is never too late (30 years for me) you are never too broken( I was so broken I wanted to die) and no matter what you have done (I have done some terrible things) Jesus loves you like no one else ever can and he is waiting for you to ask him into your heart. Lord I pray that you break open the hearts of anyone reading this blog who is not saved and flood them with your spirit. I pray that for families who think they have someone who is so lost they gave up trying will be bold again today for you.I thank you Jesus for never letting me go and for redeeming all the things in my life, all the broken that you have made new. Please make me bold and never loose my JESUS FREAK for you! AMEN
Monday, August 26, 2013
Imperfect tea cups and broken roses.
I am overwhelmed these past few days with the people God has placed in my life to love me the unique way they all do. I woke up this morning on my "official" birthday feeling more than blessed if there is such a thing and really so grateful for the life God has allowed me to have. I am always aware of everything in my life being the fruit of following Jesus , without him I would be dead, literally and figuratively. Today as I went to the mission God blew me out of the water again. Doesn't he always.
I was greeted by Michelle a student who is interning with us who was holding a cake and cupcakes to share with our friends and a bouquet of flowers. I thanked her and said she didn't need to do that and she responded by saying, " I am so happy to be able to do my hours here and I am grateful for it. Thanks for letting me be a part of it." She has no idea what a blessings she is to us and yet she is another example of how God draws people to places and spaces and tugs at their heart to love his people......those people we think are so unlovable. Just before we opened my friend Abby stopped by with her mom and I was so glad to see her on my birthday, we have known Abby for almost 9 years now and I haven't seen her all summer. They wished me a happy birthday and gave me a hug and we shared a cupcake while she told me about her new outfit for school, Oh how I miss seeing her since her mom had to find a new place further away from the mission-what a treat for my birthday! I was wearing my Birthday Girl button but most already knew it was my birthday before they got there. Of course having cake was a big hit and real cream for their coffee was pretty awesome too-no powdered stuff. We started running low on cake and Sandi rides her bike INTO the door of the mission out of breath and says "close your eyes Helen and put out your hand" I have to be honest there were times in my relationship with Sandi that I wouldn't dare do that but God has so radically redeemed her life I knew it was safe. She placed a red velvet cake in my hand and said with tears in her eyes and a shaky voice" I was trying to get here before you opened so we could all sing happy birthday to you sorry I was late". I hugged and kissed her and told her how much i loved her and she told me the same and wished me a happy birthday. She is a true walking talking miracle from God. How incredible it is to witness her life. She said cut the cake!! SO we did and had even more to share with our friends. Jill came in asking for a loonie to buy her cat some food before her cheque came and I reminded her that we cannot give out money then I remembered the cat food left over from Sandi looking after the stray we had a few days ago so I gave it to her, enough to last for a while. She was so grateful and returned about an hour later with some roses. Beautiful pink full roses that smelled amazing. "Happy Birthday Helen " I gave her a hug and thanked her for the flowers and looked down at the broken stem that had been twisted and turned from its bush from someones garden and given to me as a gift. Lovely broken roses from a lovely lady who had no money left for a few days but wanted to give me something. Those roses sit in a beautiful vase at my table and they are broken but so lovely, just like Jill. Tammy saw the flowers and said "hey its your birthday I didn't know why didn't anyone tell me?!?!?" She ran back to the store side of the mission and returned with something wrapped simply in a plastic bag and said " here happy birthday I got you something." I unwrapped the bag and it was cup with a strange handle that didn't seem like it was meant for it and it had the words TEA written all over it. Someone had just donated it. Tammy said " I know you like tea so I wanted you to have it." Spoken like a friend who had shopped all day for that something special for your birthday. It was imperfect but lovely just like Tammy. That tea cup is now washed and ready to go on my counter for tomorrow mornings breakfast and I cant wait to sit and enjoy a cup and look at my roses. Beautiful gifts from some beautiful woman to me.....me . A broken and imperfect woman like them.
My last few days have been filled with so many beautiful things. Parties cards friends cake and gifts. Today God brought me back to place of remembering that broken and imperfect is all we have here as we wait for the coming of the perfect One who sees our lovely through it all.
I was greeted by Michelle a student who is interning with us who was holding a cake and cupcakes to share with our friends and a bouquet of flowers. I thanked her and said she didn't need to do that and she responded by saying, " I am so happy to be able to do my hours here and I am grateful for it. Thanks for letting me be a part of it." She has no idea what a blessings she is to us and yet she is another example of how God draws people to places and spaces and tugs at their heart to love his people......those people we think are so unlovable. Just before we opened my friend Abby stopped by with her mom and I was so glad to see her on my birthday, we have known Abby for almost 9 years now and I haven't seen her all summer. They wished me a happy birthday and gave me a hug and we shared a cupcake while she told me about her new outfit for school, Oh how I miss seeing her since her mom had to find a new place further away from the mission-what a treat for my birthday! I was wearing my Birthday Girl button but most already knew it was my birthday before they got there. Of course having cake was a big hit and real cream for their coffee was pretty awesome too-no powdered stuff. We started running low on cake and Sandi rides her bike INTO the door of the mission out of breath and says "close your eyes Helen and put out your hand" I have to be honest there were times in my relationship with Sandi that I wouldn't dare do that but God has so radically redeemed her life I knew it was safe. She placed a red velvet cake in my hand and said with tears in her eyes and a shaky voice" I was trying to get here before you opened so we could all sing happy birthday to you sorry I was late". I hugged and kissed her and told her how much i loved her and she told me the same and wished me a happy birthday. She is a true walking talking miracle from God. How incredible it is to witness her life. She said cut the cake!! SO we did and had even more to share with our friends. Jill came in asking for a loonie to buy her cat some food before her cheque came and I reminded her that we cannot give out money then I remembered the cat food left over from Sandi looking after the stray we had a few days ago so I gave it to her, enough to last for a while. She was so grateful and returned about an hour later with some roses. Beautiful pink full roses that smelled amazing. "Happy Birthday Helen " I gave her a hug and thanked her for the flowers and looked down at the broken stem that had been twisted and turned from its bush from someones garden and given to me as a gift. Lovely broken roses from a lovely lady who had no money left for a few days but wanted to give me something. Those roses sit in a beautiful vase at my table and they are broken but so lovely, just like Jill. Tammy saw the flowers and said "hey its your birthday I didn't know why didn't anyone tell me?!?!?" She ran back to the store side of the mission and returned with something wrapped simply in a plastic bag and said " here happy birthday I got you something." I unwrapped the bag and it was cup with a strange handle that didn't seem like it was meant for it and it had the words TEA written all over it. Someone had just donated it. Tammy said " I know you like tea so I wanted you to have it." Spoken like a friend who had shopped all day for that something special for your birthday. It was imperfect but lovely just like Tammy. That tea cup is now washed and ready to go on my counter for tomorrow mornings breakfast and I cant wait to sit and enjoy a cup and look at my roses. Beautiful gifts from some beautiful woman to me.....me . A broken and imperfect woman like them.
My last few days have been filled with so many beautiful things. Parties cards friends cake and gifts. Today God brought me back to place of remembering that broken and imperfect is all we have here as we wait for the coming of the perfect One who sees our lovely through it all.
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