On January 1st 2015 I wrote in my thankful journal the Word that the Holy Spirit gave me for my life this year, the spirit declared a year of " Restoration of relationships" and as I wrote it down I smiled in anticipation of what God would do in my life. SO far God has definitely done some serious restoration of relationships,even in these last 6 months; family relationships, work relationships and friendships that seemed to be torn apart, mended. Sometimes He restored them to make them stronger Sometimes He restored my vision about certain relationships and gave me new eyes to see why the "restoration" sometimes means separation if a relationship is causing me to stumble in my faith walk. God restores and repairs but in His way, not ours.
In my previous blog I wrote about God restoring the relationship I had with my past, my hometown where alot of my mess was lived out- He truly is a miracle working God! Once again this evening He drew me back to "the well" with an opportunity to speak to a group of youth at YFC Youth UNlimited a Christian drop in center for teens where I grew up. It was incredible to share with the group about what it was like to grow up in their town which was now a city and to be able to come back and now give back to the community by preaching and teaching about how Awesome God is and how Jesus can save any life no matter how messed up. When I was near the end of my "talk" I felt God tell me to "declare it out loud!" I knew exactly what he was talking about because HE had been nudging me for YEARS to restore another part of my journey and I just kept putting it off or making excuses to do it another time. " Declare it out loud!!!!!" ALRIGHT ALRIGHT I said in my mind and this proceeded out of my mouth , " I was a thief and would go to the mall and into the Loblaws store and steal baby formula, but today after this I am going to buy some and donated it to the Salvation army ." There i said it. I left the building to drive to the store but realized it wasn't where it used to be.........maybe its a sign....NO its not.....I drove back through town to find it and parked in the parking lot and took a breath. I needed God to take me back to the time that I remembered stealing it. I needed Him to remind me how broken my life was and how so much of how I lived was simply out of what I needed no matter what the cost. Oh I definitely justified stealing the baby formula because we would "run out of money" or the S.A food bank would not have any free stuff left and my baby needed to eat, but the truth was if I had simply made better choices or managed my money better there would be no need to steal anything. My pride would also not allow me to ask family or friends for help. The bottom line is I was a thief, plain and simple, I took something that didn't belong to me and used my brokenness to justify it.
I realized that I had just spoke to a great group of teens about a God who makes us new and restores brokenness and for years I thought it meant my internal brokenness, I was a new person in Christ therefore the past is gone and didn't matter anymore. My sin was placed at the foot of the cross BUT it didn't mean that part of restoration and restitution was not my responsibility too. Over the years I said we didn't have enough money to do it its almost $30 a can you know! Or I would say God hasn't given me a word about that lol! Or I do ALOT of stuff for people in need so ive done my part! Or I have asked for forgiveness in broken relationships so I have done my part in restoration in my life! How foolish was I to ignore the God who knows my inner most being so well that he also knows what MY journey needed to be restored and healed. He had a "formula" for my restoration that included restoring that which was stolen from ME BUT also for me to restore what I too had stolen.
I went into the store that was much bigger than it ever was and noticed right away in the front lobby a large red bin that said Salvation Army Food bank and one of the top items needed was BABY FORMULA.........I hear you God I HEAR you...
I continued to walk until I found the baby section and looked for the brand I used to use/steal. I tried to remember how many times I stole it but couldn't so I picked up two of each kind just to be sure. I carried it in my arms until I got to a check out where a nice gentleman in from of me got me a buggy to put it in. When it was my turn to pay and she told me the amount the gentleman showed me his phone that had a price for the formula cheaper by more than $6 each at another store and said " you can show them this and they will give it to you for the cheaper price. I remember how hard it was to pay for it when my kids were little" I thanked him but said I needed to pay full price for it. He looked at me funny and the lady behind me said " no its okay they do it here all the time so you should get it cheaper" I said its was okay that I needed to pay full price. The woman ringing my order through said " you want extra points right for your points card and the more you spend the more points you get right?!" I said no I just need to pay full price and please don't put it in bags. They all looked at me like I was crazy. I said I was just donating them to the food bank so its fine, no big deal. I was trying to just deflect and get out I didn't want to tell them the truth to be honest its not an easy thing to explain the real reason to people, the problem was when they heard it was going to the food bank they all praised me for such a great thing I was doing and it just went off the rails with these strangers thinking what a great sacrificial thing I was doing. I felt God telling me to tell the truth of what I did so I could confess that I stole from their store and true restitution could happen....OUCH......
" Okay so 24 years ago I was a messed up 17 year old mom who did lots of things I am not proud of especially stealing baby formula from this store. I needed to make it right with the store to be right with God so that's why I need to pay full price and leave it in the Salvation Army food bank box because of all the things they helped me with and so perhaps another young mom can get help and so I can restore what I stole and make it good for someone else. " I started to walk away with the formula , I wanted to get out as quick as I can but the lady behind me yelled out "you just made my day! Thank you for showing me people are good after all"
I had to turn around... " God is good, He told me to, He restores" and I placed the formula in the box.
I want you to know that when Jesus forgives us we are forgiven without the need to do any "works " to receive that forgiveness. I also want you to know that God asks different people to do different things on their journey because He is a God of plan and purpose and detail and needs to work things out in each of us differently. This story was not shared with you to tell you to do what I did. I wanted to share it with you in case there was something God was asking you to do as a part of your own personal restoration process. It probably isn't literally repaying what you stole but perhaps its playing a part in the restoration of a relationship that's broken, making the first move to say sorry even at the risk that they wont receive it well. Sometimes we need to ask God what our "formula" is that we need to work on replacing in order to grow on this leg of the journey.
Thursday, June 18, 2015
Saturday, May 2, 2015
Woman at the well
In February I Was asked to speak at the TrueCity Conference in Hamilton and was very excited to do just that until I heard I had 7 minutes max to speak. Anyone that knows me knows this is a task that seems impossible as introducing myself can sometimes run a good 8 or 10 but I believed it was something God required of me as I was asked to share a part of my journey to Jesus, stories I believe we are all required to share. Stuff that good should never be kept to ourselves. SO I did it. I think I stretched it to 10, maybe 12 minutes but so did the other people asked to speak so I didn't feel so bad. Afterwards I was approached by a few people about speaking at other events, writing a book etc but there was one gentleman who approached me with an offer I could not refuse.
He complimented me on my speaking ability and story-telling and wondered if I did this as a profession ( please remember this in a few months when I will be blogging how God used this to propel me into the next stage of my journey) I said I don't do it as a profession but love to share all of what God has done for me in the hopes of encouraging others to not give up on this sometimes difficult journey we call life. He said he was a part of new movement just getting started in his hometown similar to TrueCity where churches will be gathering to work together for the good of the city and although they had their "line-up" of speakers chosen he would like to put my name forth as a speaker for the event. I agreed and he handed me his card........I almost lost my breath. This man was from a group of churches in Milton, MILTON........this is where I grew up , this is where my story began this is where much of what I just spoke about happened. When I speak I don't share where I am from to be honest because A little part of me still carried some shame about the person I was and things I did while I lived there. I often wondered if God would ever require of me to go back, I no longer had to wonder.
Last night I attended that conference. As I drove to Milton I was more nervous than I had ever been for a speaking event. I felt ill and began having serious neck pain and I contemplated cancelling but instead I asked people to pray and I turned on my Bethel CD and listened to "You make me brave" over and over again. As I drove into the driveway of my parents home ( they live behind where the conference was happening) I was struck by how crazy this whole thing was. Here I was in the driveway of my parents house in the Town I messed up ,oopps I mean grew up in about to talk about the love of Jesus Christ right across the street. I thought about all that God had redeemed in my life, especially the relationship I have with my parents whom I love. I sat in the van for a minute before I walked in trying not to look nervous especially because I wonder how nervous it must be for my parents to know I am speaking about my mess across the street where they still live. Of course they were great, supportive as always, Mum making sure i knew to stop by after before I went home for a cup of tea. I gave them a hug and they sent me off with encouragement and I imagine a bit of wonder about what their nervous, excited child who likes to talk would reveal to their town.
As I walked into the space that is now a Christian school but used to be our town library I couldn't believe how surreal it felt. I loved coming to that library. My mum would ride bikes with me and take me to story time in the corner with the big cushions, I would take out the same book week after week called Harry the Dirty Dog ( I loved that book so much I bought a copy to have in the house now) we would rent film reels from the basement and dad would set up a "theatre" on the living room wall so we could watch The Three Stooges, Woody Woodpecker, and they would have puppet shows in the big auditorium there and when I signed in I couldn't wait to step back into the space where I would sit as a child and giggle watching the puppets. I stepped into the big auditorium that didn't look so big now and it took me back, it even smelled the same which I know sounds crazy but it did. As I walked up the stairs to the church space I realized the last time I was there was when I was finishing my assignment to graduate high school with my classmates when Fiona was one year old and the church is where the reference library was and the card catalogs.....I needed to take a breath, so much was being revealed to me by God in that space I couldn't even wrap my head around what He was doing and then I looked up....
The worship band is playing in front of a backdrop, a photograph taken of a piece of old downtown Milton and I thought I was going to throw up,seriously I had to go back down the stairs and catch my breath. I started crying, ugly uncontrollable crying. One of the organizers there who just happens to volunteer at the mission now-yes crazy- saw me and asked if I was ok. I was ok I was just so freaked out by God in a great way I just couldn't sit still. Another woman prayed for me and after I collected myself, or tried to , I headed back up the stairs to praise and worship God. As I was being introduced to speak for my 15 minute speaking time that I already knew that was not going to happen, there was something going on in that space that was so much bigger than any of us I told God to just go ahead and do it, take it God the floor is yours. I stood up and immediately asked who picked that photograph for the backdrop. A man raised his hand. They had another one planned but the image was grainy and distorted that they had to quickly take a picture somewhere just to have something behind the stage so he took that one as he "randomly" drove through town. I started to tell my story as I often do at the moment when I brought Fiona home from the hospital when I was 17 years old. To what we called home but was an illegal apartment with no windows, only a skylight. I turned around with tears in my eyes and pointed to the very building I was talking about that was now the backdrop for Gods story of His love and redemption in my life! As I write these words I am still blown away by how on purpose God is in everything, how He truly goes before us in everything and I remembered that moment of bringing that little baby into all the chaos of that building and crying out to a God I didn't believe existed and I realized in that moment that even 23 years ago when I didn't believe in Him He was there with me, with His path for me already laid out , His arms around me telling me it would be ok because He already knew that I would one day be standing at the conference in Milton with the backdrop of my past behind me speaking about the Cross that saved me that goes before me.
Truly I am the woman at the well. I left so much of my mess in that town, found Jesus and was now back to tell everyone about Him. As I headed out the door the song playing on the speakers was , yes, Bethel You make me brave, I am not kidding! I went back to Mum and Dads house a little later than I expected, probably because I took 30 minutes to speak instead of 15, Dad was sleeping and Mum had tea waiting and I couldn't wait to tell her about what God revealed to me about my journey. I gave a her a big hug and told her how much I loved her and that God is always with us.
If you are in a place right now that has no "windows" where you cant see beyond your mess mistakes or chaos, hang on, God is with you whether you believe it or not, trust me when I tell you, He is waiting for you to come to Him,rest in Him and HE will create in you something new with all the stuff about you that you think is worthless. Where ever you are at now, even if you cant see any path ahead, I promise you He has one for you, go to Him, He will never leave you nor forsake you. He will make you Brave .
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
Oh how I wish you could see...
Oh how I wish you could see......
Oh how I wish you could see from her eyes the way she looks at you, the way every move you make mesmerizes her, the way you cannot enter into her space without her knowing as she feels your presence without you ever touching her.
Oh how I wish you could see the trust she has in you not because you are perfect but because you are perfectly hers.
Oh how I wish you could see how even in the moments of your frustration she knows still she is safe in your arms as she cries out in her frustration too.
Oh how I wish you could see that the very essence of who she is trusts you in the midst of chaos and moves with you through the exhaustion of the day.
Oh how I wish you could see how much patience you truly have even though you feel you have none.
Oh how I wish you could see the connection she has with you, an unspoken sense of understanding that she developed as she grew inside you.
Oh how I wish you could see how brave you are every day looking after this fragile life while a numbness from the life you lost still hangs in the air.
Oh how I wish you could see how glorious it is for me to see you with her, watching life unfold for her the way I wish it could have unfolded for you.
Oh how I wish you could see what an incredible mother you are.
Oh how I wish you could see that the love she has for you is never ending, never failing and everlasting.
Oh how I wish you could see......
God I pray for each mother in the world who is tired, frustrated, numb, confused and exhausted. God wrap them in your arms and remind them that you long to be the place they fall to find rest. In Jesus name, Amen.
Tuesday, April 14, 2015
A letter to the faithful
Dear faithful volunteers of Helping Hands Street Mission,
This is national volunteer week and I felt like I needed to express somethings to you as we head into our 12th season of ministry. First of all there are no words to describe how greatful I am for all of your time and love that you put into the mission, especially those of you who have been here since the beginning. I cant imagine the level of frustration some of you must have felt many times over these years. You got hooked up with a ministry that had no idea what that word even meant back then with a leader who wasn't in the position they were in because they were qualified to lead. You watched me fumble through my faith, my family, the mission and the people. You were privy to moments of breakdown, excitement, joy and discouragement ( sometimes all in one day). You came on board because of your love for God and His people and I think even the excitement of a small "grassroots" ministry that just went where the Lord led them. To say that you have been led by a fearless leader would be a lie most times I was terrified, knowing more than any of you that it made no sense for me to be in the position I was placed in except because of the grace of God. We had no idea where God would lead us and many times we thought it was God but clearly it was not, so we took more grace and continued on the best we could. Many things have changed over these 12 years, including me, and although I am not where I need to be thank God I am not where I used to be. The mission has changed too, some great decisions have been made and some really bad ones and my hope is that we have all learned from those.
I want to thank-you for your grace, patience and love. Many of you have been our biggest cheerleaders and encouragers and that truly has been a gift to me. I know you have all done work that might have seemed to go unnoticed and I know you have not received the recognition that you deserve for all you do. I am sorry for that. Through the years as the mission has grown I have tried my best but know that absolutely it still, for some, may not have been enough. I know its hard to "stick it out" in a space where things sometimes change from day to day or week to week as building a ministry is hard. We have a God who is in charge but has this crazy way of letting people step out in faith, make mistakes, fall, fumble and get back up again so He can turn us around to the place He wanted us to go in the first place. He could make it all run smoothly but then we all would certainly be left out of the equation. I know I would be for sure.
In 2003 I just wanted to tell people how much Jesus loved them and I was qualified to do that. All the rest of this "Executive Director" stuff is not something my "graduated high school" portfolio was qualified for. I want to thank-you for "sticking with it" even when perhaps your faith in me wasn't always there. Thank-you for being a people whose faith in God was so much bigger. Thank-you for continuing to do the work you felt God calling you to do in spite of not receiving proper acknowledgment from me. Thank-you for loving our friends at the mission more than your idea of a perfect leader. Thank-you for your endless time away from your families to serve in many situations that were not "ideal" or fun to be in. Thank-you for letting us know when things were great more than the times they were not. Thanks for telling people great things about the mission even and especially when things weren't so good. Thanks for encouraging others to come along for the ride even though the ride was bumpy sometimes. Thanks for being people of integrity and coming to me with your frustrations, even the ones about me. Thanks for choosing to be "builders" of the kingdom not "destroyers".
It takes a special kind of person to join a team of a small"grassroots" mission because it is inevitable that change will come and mistakes will be made. Policies will be written and re-written. Disappointments will happen. People will leave. More mistakes will be made..........made to make room for our awesome God to step in and right our wrongs and help us try to make sense of this Beautiful mess of the kingdom of God.
Thanks to all our "newbies" who have recently come along in our journey, I am always excited to see who God is bringing onto the team for this new season-how exciting!
Thank-you for the leap of faith you have all decided to take with us! It still wont be perfect but if you hang on I promise it will be worth it.
Blessings and love, Your not so fearless and far from perfect, founder and Executive Director
Helen
This is national volunteer week and I felt like I needed to express somethings to you as we head into our 12th season of ministry. First of all there are no words to describe how greatful I am for all of your time and love that you put into the mission, especially those of you who have been here since the beginning. I cant imagine the level of frustration some of you must have felt many times over these years. You got hooked up with a ministry that had no idea what that word even meant back then with a leader who wasn't in the position they were in because they were qualified to lead. You watched me fumble through my faith, my family, the mission and the people. You were privy to moments of breakdown, excitement, joy and discouragement ( sometimes all in one day). You came on board because of your love for God and His people and I think even the excitement of a small "grassroots" ministry that just went where the Lord led them. To say that you have been led by a fearless leader would be a lie most times I was terrified, knowing more than any of you that it made no sense for me to be in the position I was placed in except because of the grace of God. We had no idea where God would lead us and many times we thought it was God but clearly it was not, so we took more grace and continued on the best we could. Many things have changed over these 12 years, including me, and although I am not where I need to be thank God I am not where I used to be. The mission has changed too, some great decisions have been made and some really bad ones and my hope is that we have all learned from those.
I want to thank-you for your grace, patience and love. Many of you have been our biggest cheerleaders and encouragers and that truly has been a gift to me. I know you have all done work that might have seemed to go unnoticed and I know you have not received the recognition that you deserve for all you do. I am sorry for that. Through the years as the mission has grown I have tried my best but know that absolutely it still, for some, may not have been enough. I know its hard to "stick it out" in a space where things sometimes change from day to day or week to week as building a ministry is hard. We have a God who is in charge but has this crazy way of letting people step out in faith, make mistakes, fall, fumble and get back up again so He can turn us around to the place He wanted us to go in the first place. He could make it all run smoothly but then we all would certainly be left out of the equation. I know I would be for sure.
In 2003 I just wanted to tell people how much Jesus loved them and I was qualified to do that. All the rest of this "Executive Director" stuff is not something my "graduated high school" portfolio was qualified for. I want to thank-you for "sticking with it" even when perhaps your faith in me wasn't always there. Thank-you for being a people whose faith in God was so much bigger. Thank-you for continuing to do the work you felt God calling you to do in spite of not receiving proper acknowledgment from me. Thank-you for loving our friends at the mission more than your idea of a perfect leader. Thank-you for your endless time away from your families to serve in many situations that were not "ideal" or fun to be in. Thank-you for letting us know when things were great more than the times they were not. Thanks for telling people great things about the mission even and especially when things weren't so good. Thanks for encouraging others to come along for the ride even though the ride was bumpy sometimes. Thanks for being people of integrity and coming to me with your frustrations, even the ones about me. Thanks for choosing to be "builders" of the kingdom not "destroyers".
It takes a special kind of person to join a team of a small"grassroots" mission because it is inevitable that change will come and mistakes will be made. Policies will be written and re-written. Disappointments will happen. People will leave. More mistakes will be made..........made to make room for our awesome God to step in and right our wrongs and help us try to make sense of this Beautiful mess of the kingdom of God.
Thanks to all our "newbies" who have recently come along in our journey, I am always excited to see who God is bringing onto the team for this new season-how exciting!
Thank-you for the leap of faith you have all decided to take with us! It still wont be perfect but if you hang on I promise it will be worth it.
Blessings and love, Your not so fearless and far from perfect, founder and Executive Director
Helen
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
Being forced to be thankful
The last few years have been pretty difficult, perhaps only magnified by the fact that life seemed to be going pretty good for a while without any major bumps in the road.
I have prayed "Your will be done" many times in my life, pre-Jesus when I said it every morning in Catholic school and post -Jesus when it was what I should say because I was a believer.
Its a pretty bold statement to make, especially to the God of the whole freaking universe but it never occurred to me how bold until my journey brought me to many points in the last few years where the idea of uttering those words seemed to get scarier by the moment. I have been placed in circumstances where that statement of prayer meant so much more than how loosely it fell from my lips many times before. I can honestly say I never really meant "your will be done" what I really meant was "your will be done as long as you don't effect the people, places and things in my life that are important to me" I had come to a point in my journey where I was stepping in to the "religiosity" of my relationship with God, willing to simple provide lip service but not laying everything at his feet. I guess you can get away with that for a while, maybe your whole life I suppose, but when God takes you THROUGH the things in life that shatter you the enormity of your prayers to Him become very real.
I think sometimes when God takes us through something pretty big we figure our turn must be over. Perhaps we think its a test, maybe I don't know, something we pass or fail and then God moves onto the next person in these series of exams in life that we study scripture for in the hopes that when the circumstances present themselves we have enough skill to make a passing grade. We can feel a certain sense of victory in getting through something, a strange sense of pride, a sense that WE were strong enough, with Gods help of course, but nevertheless we made it, our turn was over, time to pray for the next guy......and God definitely let "your will be done" in their life...again the phrase falling so easily from our lips, especially for someones else s life.
When my dad was in ICU a few years back I figured that was my exam that I passed with flying colors! I mean I was in deep spiritual warfare in the hospital room for weeks, quoting scripture, rebuking the enemy,meditating over and over again on scripture and praying over my earthly father for his life to be spared, for good to win over evil for the enemy to know that Jesus is more powerful and for my dad to have another chance to come to know Jesus before his last breath. I was on fire for God! Of course I was, I wanted something more desperately than anything else at that moment I wanted my dads salvation......his life was spared, God gave us a miracle and dad is alive. Praise the Lord, glad that was over, thank-you Jesus....onto the next person who needed to pass their exam. Exhausting, draining but I made it through.....with a relationship with my earthly father that is so much richer than I could have ever imagined before......"your will be done Lord"
Following this exam came a series of exams at the mission that sent me to the point of exhaustion almost every week. Spiritual attacks from every angle, some from within the mission organization and some from outside all that came through the door seeming harmless yet potent enough to cause me to wonder about if my presence there was the problem, I even contemplated quiting, it was a crazy time. It took a while but it was a major process that revealed many things to me about the discernment and wisdom I thought I had and questioned my spiritual warrior skills that I seemed to have in abundance a few months before fighting for my dads salvation. I learned that there are people who can hate you for trying to follow the path God laid out for you, I learned to eventually find a place to grieve in my heart for their anger and to take what I learned about myself in the process to be a better leader as painful as the process was........"your will be done Lord"
I can never find the words to describe the next event to its proper magnitude except to say that if you have ever felt completely lost , hopeless, abandoned and dark you know what I am talking about. When our granddaughter Brooklyn died i felt all of these things and more, not just for myself but for our daughter and son-in-law. I felt betrayed by God and completely detached from the world feeling useless to provide any sense of hope to my little girl and to make any sense out of what happened. I was not willing to accept this as one of the "exams" of life .....this was just unjust, unfair and wrong.....how could we possibly find joy after this.....this cannot be "your will Lord" I cannot love you if it is.
After Brooklyn s celebration of life I noticed my husband seemed to be getting sicker by the day, although he had suffered with crohns disease since childhood he had been relatively okay throughout our marriage and if not strong medications seemed to do the trick...not anymore. As doctors tried their best to figure it out leaving us with different medication attempts, possibilities of Lymphoma and sometimes no answers I began to wonder what it was that i had done to need this kind of "testing" from God. My husband lost his job and then due to his illness was not able to work and surgery would eventually be the answer with difficult recovery ahead... Clearly I had my fair share , I began to hate happiness and joy in the lives of other people, it became more and more difficult to do my job to speak at woman's groups and at retreats to declare the goodness of God for peoples lives and convince them that God is good all the time...I cancelled a few speaking engagements due to a darkness that seemed to come over me.........What was happening?!?!?! I wanted to believe the words in scripture that I was reading, I wanted to really say "your will be done Lord" but I couldn't, I was afraid of what that would mean next for me, for our family.... oh how I wanted to have the courage of Rahab clinging to the promise in her scarlet-colored rope in her window.
A friend invited me out for tea.
I didn't want tea.
She said she needed someone to talk to.
I knew she was lying.
She confessed that she thought it would be good for me too.
I went with a heaviness that felt like a journey of 10 miles to the coffee shop just behind our house.
I ordered a green tea.
I finally confessed to her that I secretly hated green tea.
She asked why I drank it.
I said its supposed to be good for me.
It tasted extra bitter that night.
We talked for a few hours in the that coffee shop, mostly me expressing my frustration although I didn't need to the heaviness I carried was enough for everyone in that coffee shop.
She told me I should start a "thank-you" journal.
I almost left.
She said " sometimes we need to force ourselves to be thankful in the middle of the darkness"
I hated her suggestion.
I went home.
On some blank pages in the middle of an old three-ring notebook I wrote the date, and three things I was thankful for
1. my friendship with her
2.my family
3.Jesus saved my life
I have kept up with this journal and another one about daily inspirations that she also sent me and everyday, through all of these "exams" that seem to pile up I commit to being thankful. As i look back in the journals it reveals to me a reminder of the "exams" I have passed and those I have failed but always a reminder that there is a God who through all of it never leaves me even in times it seems like he has and reminds me of the overflow of abundance he provides like the birth of our second granddaughter Aubrey a week ago, a beautiful reminder of what joy and hope look like.
Being purposeful in reading the Word of God and being thankful has been like a lifeline to me.The enemy likes nothing more than to cloud your vision with darkness just enough so that you have trouble seeing the glimmers of light that still shine.
Last night my husband had a difficult night since his recovery at home with his ileostomy and at 4am it exploded and he was covered in feces and the bed was too. As I washed the sheets and blankets,ran a shower for my husband and cleaned up the carpet where he walked I realized I HAD to be thankful for something in my journal the next day....
It wasn't very hard.
1.Washing machine and dryer in my house
2. water hot and cold
3.prayers answered (because I knew somewhere in this "exam" would be a valuable lesson)
" Your will be done" is something I am trying to say with more and more faith.....Until then I am glad for a friend who forced me to be thankful no matter what and the Word of God that speaks Truth and light in the darkness.
I have prayed "Your will be done" many times in my life, pre-Jesus when I said it every morning in Catholic school and post -Jesus when it was what I should say because I was a believer.
Its a pretty bold statement to make, especially to the God of the whole freaking universe but it never occurred to me how bold until my journey brought me to many points in the last few years where the idea of uttering those words seemed to get scarier by the moment. I have been placed in circumstances where that statement of prayer meant so much more than how loosely it fell from my lips many times before. I can honestly say I never really meant "your will be done" what I really meant was "your will be done as long as you don't effect the people, places and things in my life that are important to me" I had come to a point in my journey where I was stepping in to the "religiosity" of my relationship with God, willing to simple provide lip service but not laying everything at his feet. I guess you can get away with that for a while, maybe your whole life I suppose, but when God takes you THROUGH the things in life that shatter you the enormity of your prayers to Him become very real.
I think sometimes when God takes us through something pretty big we figure our turn must be over. Perhaps we think its a test, maybe I don't know, something we pass or fail and then God moves onto the next person in these series of exams in life that we study scripture for in the hopes that when the circumstances present themselves we have enough skill to make a passing grade. We can feel a certain sense of victory in getting through something, a strange sense of pride, a sense that WE were strong enough, with Gods help of course, but nevertheless we made it, our turn was over, time to pray for the next guy......and God definitely let "your will be done" in their life...again the phrase falling so easily from our lips, especially for someones else s life.
When my dad was in ICU a few years back I figured that was my exam that I passed with flying colors! I mean I was in deep spiritual warfare in the hospital room for weeks, quoting scripture, rebuking the enemy,meditating over and over again on scripture and praying over my earthly father for his life to be spared, for good to win over evil for the enemy to know that Jesus is more powerful and for my dad to have another chance to come to know Jesus before his last breath. I was on fire for God! Of course I was, I wanted something more desperately than anything else at that moment I wanted my dads salvation......his life was spared, God gave us a miracle and dad is alive. Praise the Lord, glad that was over, thank-you Jesus....onto the next person who needed to pass their exam. Exhausting, draining but I made it through.....with a relationship with my earthly father that is so much richer than I could have ever imagined before......"your will be done Lord"
Following this exam came a series of exams at the mission that sent me to the point of exhaustion almost every week. Spiritual attacks from every angle, some from within the mission organization and some from outside all that came through the door seeming harmless yet potent enough to cause me to wonder about if my presence there was the problem, I even contemplated quiting, it was a crazy time. It took a while but it was a major process that revealed many things to me about the discernment and wisdom I thought I had and questioned my spiritual warrior skills that I seemed to have in abundance a few months before fighting for my dads salvation. I learned that there are people who can hate you for trying to follow the path God laid out for you, I learned to eventually find a place to grieve in my heart for their anger and to take what I learned about myself in the process to be a better leader as painful as the process was........"your will be done Lord"
I can never find the words to describe the next event to its proper magnitude except to say that if you have ever felt completely lost , hopeless, abandoned and dark you know what I am talking about. When our granddaughter Brooklyn died i felt all of these things and more, not just for myself but for our daughter and son-in-law. I felt betrayed by God and completely detached from the world feeling useless to provide any sense of hope to my little girl and to make any sense out of what happened. I was not willing to accept this as one of the "exams" of life .....this was just unjust, unfair and wrong.....how could we possibly find joy after this.....this cannot be "your will Lord" I cannot love you if it is.
After Brooklyn s celebration of life I noticed my husband seemed to be getting sicker by the day, although he had suffered with crohns disease since childhood he had been relatively okay throughout our marriage and if not strong medications seemed to do the trick...not anymore. As doctors tried their best to figure it out leaving us with different medication attempts, possibilities of Lymphoma and sometimes no answers I began to wonder what it was that i had done to need this kind of "testing" from God. My husband lost his job and then due to his illness was not able to work and surgery would eventually be the answer with difficult recovery ahead... Clearly I had my fair share , I began to hate happiness and joy in the lives of other people, it became more and more difficult to do my job to speak at woman's groups and at retreats to declare the goodness of God for peoples lives and convince them that God is good all the time...I cancelled a few speaking engagements due to a darkness that seemed to come over me.........What was happening?!?!?! I wanted to believe the words in scripture that I was reading, I wanted to really say "your will be done Lord" but I couldn't, I was afraid of what that would mean next for me, for our family.... oh how I wanted to have the courage of Rahab clinging to the promise in her scarlet-colored rope in her window.
A friend invited me out for tea.
I didn't want tea.
She said she needed someone to talk to.
I knew she was lying.
She confessed that she thought it would be good for me too.
I went with a heaviness that felt like a journey of 10 miles to the coffee shop just behind our house.
I ordered a green tea.
I finally confessed to her that I secretly hated green tea.
She asked why I drank it.
I said its supposed to be good for me.
It tasted extra bitter that night.
We talked for a few hours in the that coffee shop, mostly me expressing my frustration although I didn't need to the heaviness I carried was enough for everyone in that coffee shop.
She told me I should start a "thank-you" journal.
I almost left.
She said " sometimes we need to force ourselves to be thankful in the middle of the darkness"
I hated her suggestion.
I went home.
On some blank pages in the middle of an old three-ring notebook I wrote the date, and three things I was thankful for
1. my friendship with her
2.my family
3.Jesus saved my life
I have kept up with this journal and another one about daily inspirations that she also sent me and everyday, through all of these "exams" that seem to pile up I commit to being thankful. As i look back in the journals it reveals to me a reminder of the "exams" I have passed and those I have failed but always a reminder that there is a God who through all of it never leaves me even in times it seems like he has and reminds me of the overflow of abundance he provides like the birth of our second granddaughter Aubrey a week ago, a beautiful reminder of what joy and hope look like.
Being purposeful in reading the Word of God and being thankful has been like a lifeline to me.The enemy likes nothing more than to cloud your vision with darkness just enough so that you have trouble seeing the glimmers of light that still shine.
Last night my husband had a difficult night since his recovery at home with his ileostomy and at 4am it exploded and he was covered in feces and the bed was too. As I washed the sheets and blankets,ran a shower for my husband and cleaned up the carpet where he walked I realized I HAD to be thankful for something in my journal the next day....
It wasn't very hard.
1.Washing machine and dryer in my house
2. water hot and cold
3.prayers answered (because I knew somewhere in this "exam" would be a valuable lesson)
" Your will be done" is something I am trying to say with more and more faith.....Until then I am glad for a friend who forced me to be thankful no matter what and the Word of God that speaks Truth and light in the darkness.
Friday, December 5, 2014
Beggars cant be choosers
It was our first Christmas in the apartment above the record store.It was a great place, all new appliances two bedrooms and windows all around! The woman across the hall who didn't have much herself took the time to write Fiona and I a card and she knit a scarf for us. I remember how quickly she introduced herself to me when we moved in a few months ago and she tried to teach me how to knit. The hall wasn't very wide so we often heard what was going on in each others apartments, we could look out for each other, I was so glad it was just Fiona and I so for the first time i didn't fear the neighbors hearing what was going on. Our landlord and his wife brought over a bottle of wine and chocolates to thank us for being great tenants and for the first time in my life I really was. It made me feel so proud that I was finally on the right path. They often commented on how cute Fiona was when they would visit to check on us, always wondering why I never called to ask to fix anything or complain, hey had no idea that there was so much freedom in that apartment I never noticed anything else. Besides we never used the dishwasher,not enough dishes to fill it and the fridge never worked hard enough to break it was usually half empty. But this was going to be the best Christmas ever, just Fiona and me.
Peaceful.
Calm.
Hopeful.
Our little tree, given to us by my Mum and Dad filled out living room and the toys from the Salvation Army Free Christmas store covered the floor. The lights downtown shone through our window and I would watch from the window ledge inside and see all the people shopping from store to store, excited, angry , hurried, joyful and trying to get through the season. I never wanted to season to end. Tasting peace makes you hungry for more and you take a slow deep breath of it and try not to release it until you have let it take over your whole being. The snow falling. The lights. The hope and the peace that I prayed to that God that I didn't know and asked the God I didn't believe in to make it last forever.
I prayed that the bitterness and depression that was so deep in my soul would not find its way back when Christmas was done.
At least for now I could pretend everything was going to be okay eventually. If not for me but for Fiona, she was already so smart even at two years old. She never complained about anything either, already aware that I couldn't handle it. The doorbell rang and Fiona answered it. The guys from the record shop brought up a card for us and asked if everything was okay and wanted to let me know that they would be closed for a few days over Christmas so that's why we wouldn't hear the music playing downstairs. I loved that music, it never annoyed me it reminded me of life that I didn't have to open my door to let in. We had a card for them too signed by Fiona. They of course loved it.
The phone rang and it was my childhood friends mother on the phone asking what Fiona and I really love to eat and what treats we loved. I told her a few things but stopped out of embarrassment that she was going to buy something for us. I was embarrassed that she somehow knew we didn't have the money to buy that kind of stuff, We had the box from the food bank that had lots of food in it, most of it we didn't like but we were grateful just the same. We often re-donated the stuff we didn't eat back to the food bank, some of it wasn't written in a language I understood or was expired already or just really tasted bad. I felt guilty sometimes for not eating it all but it really did taste bad. When you rely on other people to help you in a time of need you are VERY aware of peoples opinions about "people like you" even if they don't say it to your face. I knew people thought I should be grateful for the free food and just eat it whether or not I liked it.I knew I was one of those "beggars who cant be choosers" I knew that more than any person who ever said it to me. The beggar always does, why do we think we need to tell them? She hung up the phone. I felt sick to my stomach like I didn't have the right to ask for good things even though she asked me. I was conditioned to not expect good things because of where my life was at right now. I was a beggar who didn't have the right to choose.
I put Fiona to bed and sat in the quiet of our place looking out the window again. It was marvelous. I would eat all that awful food everyday if I thought this peace could last forever, and if there was just a small amount of the good stuff for Fiona. The doorbell rang again. I answered it but no one was there i saw the door close at the bottom of the stairs from the hall. I looked down and there it was. The most glorious basket of delicious food i had ever seen! I couldn't move it without things falling off of it. I took things in my arms and carried them into the kitchen and went back over and over again until I could carry that basket without spilling it. There was real cheese and brand name crackers! Real fresh fruit and fancy nuts some plain some covered in chocolate! Real milk and brand name cereal! The fancy cookies with sprinkles on them you get in a tin! Fresh buns and lunch meat fresh from a deli! Fancy pickles, boxes of chocolates, mayonnaise and tuna with fresh bread! Fancy soups that you don't add water too, those little oranges that have no seeds! Brand name shampoo and conditioner FULL SIZED and fancy soap and bubble bath for Fiona! A small roast with enough veggies for salad and potatoes with everything to make gravy! I was so overwhelmed as I looked at it and as I filled my fridge i looked in the food bank box that I didn't need to put in the fridge because nothing in it was real food and it occurred to me in that moment that someone thought this beggar COULD be a chooser. They went to the store and picked out the things they would buy for their family and even included extra surprises that we didn't NEED but were such a treat and my heart melted. I couldn't wait to show Fiona in the morning and even snuck some of the goodies myself that night. I couldnt wait to watch her sit on our couch and place her little fingers inside that smarties box that was shaped like a Christmas tree and enjoy every chocolaty moment.
My life did not immediately change after that amazing gift, not for a long time but it is a day I will never forget. I am reminded of that day when donating to a food bank or mission. I am reminded of it when someone is in need and I have the choice to offer my leftovers or something I would never chose to eat or wear myself or whether I understand the God I know now who saved my life on that cross so that I may have and enjoy life to the fullest, if i really understand His gift to me is more precious than anything money can buy. I am called to be like Him to follow his example. Every gift I give should be measured with how much it costs me, I should feel the weight of it because every gift should be seen as precious because every life is precious. Every life, every beggar, all of us....He sent His son to die for all of us beggars who don't deserve His gift but He lets us choose it anyway.
This Christmas please remember that we are all beggars who cant be choosers. Bless those who are in need and make it costly and precious to you. It will scream the gospel message even if you simple ring the bell and walk away. Merry Christmas everyone!
Peaceful.
Calm.
Hopeful.
Our little tree, given to us by my Mum and Dad filled out living room and the toys from the Salvation Army Free Christmas store covered the floor. The lights downtown shone through our window and I would watch from the window ledge inside and see all the people shopping from store to store, excited, angry , hurried, joyful and trying to get through the season. I never wanted to season to end. Tasting peace makes you hungry for more and you take a slow deep breath of it and try not to release it until you have let it take over your whole being. The snow falling. The lights. The hope and the peace that I prayed to that God that I didn't know and asked the God I didn't believe in to make it last forever.
I prayed that the bitterness and depression that was so deep in my soul would not find its way back when Christmas was done.
At least for now I could pretend everything was going to be okay eventually. If not for me but for Fiona, she was already so smart even at two years old. She never complained about anything either, already aware that I couldn't handle it. The doorbell rang and Fiona answered it. The guys from the record shop brought up a card for us and asked if everything was okay and wanted to let me know that they would be closed for a few days over Christmas so that's why we wouldn't hear the music playing downstairs. I loved that music, it never annoyed me it reminded me of life that I didn't have to open my door to let in. We had a card for them too signed by Fiona. They of course loved it.
The phone rang and it was my childhood friends mother on the phone asking what Fiona and I really love to eat and what treats we loved. I told her a few things but stopped out of embarrassment that she was going to buy something for us. I was embarrassed that she somehow knew we didn't have the money to buy that kind of stuff, We had the box from the food bank that had lots of food in it, most of it we didn't like but we were grateful just the same. We often re-donated the stuff we didn't eat back to the food bank, some of it wasn't written in a language I understood or was expired already or just really tasted bad. I felt guilty sometimes for not eating it all but it really did taste bad. When you rely on other people to help you in a time of need you are VERY aware of peoples opinions about "people like you" even if they don't say it to your face. I knew people thought I should be grateful for the free food and just eat it whether or not I liked it.I knew I was one of those "beggars who cant be choosers" I knew that more than any person who ever said it to me. The beggar always does, why do we think we need to tell them? She hung up the phone. I felt sick to my stomach like I didn't have the right to ask for good things even though she asked me. I was conditioned to not expect good things because of where my life was at right now. I was a beggar who didn't have the right to choose.
I put Fiona to bed and sat in the quiet of our place looking out the window again. It was marvelous. I would eat all that awful food everyday if I thought this peace could last forever, and if there was just a small amount of the good stuff for Fiona. The doorbell rang again. I answered it but no one was there i saw the door close at the bottom of the stairs from the hall. I looked down and there it was. The most glorious basket of delicious food i had ever seen! I couldn't move it without things falling off of it. I took things in my arms and carried them into the kitchen and went back over and over again until I could carry that basket without spilling it. There was real cheese and brand name crackers! Real fresh fruit and fancy nuts some plain some covered in chocolate! Real milk and brand name cereal! The fancy cookies with sprinkles on them you get in a tin! Fresh buns and lunch meat fresh from a deli! Fancy pickles, boxes of chocolates, mayonnaise and tuna with fresh bread! Fancy soups that you don't add water too, those little oranges that have no seeds! Brand name shampoo and conditioner FULL SIZED and fancy soap and bubble bath for Fiona! A small roast with enough veggies for salad and potatoes with everything to make gravy! I was so overwhelmed as I looked at it and as I filled my fridge i looked in the food bank box that I didn't need to put in the fridge because nothing in it was real food and it occurred to me in that moment that someone thought this beggar COULD be a chooser. They went to the store and picked out the things they would buy for their family and even included extra surprises that we didn't NEED but were such a treat and my heart melted. I couldn't wait to show Fiona in the morning and even snuck some of the goodies myself that night. I couldnt wait to watch her sit on our couch and place her little fingers inside that smarties box that was shaped like a Christmas tree and enjoy every chocolaty moment.
My life did not immediately change after that amazing gift, not for a long time but it is a day I will never forget. I am reminded of that day when donating to a food bank or mission. I am reminded of it when someone is in need and I have the choice to offer my leftovers or something I would never chose to eat or wear myself or whether I understand the God I know now who saved my life on that cross so that I may have and enjoy life to the fullest, if i really understand His gift to me is more precious than anything money can buy. I am called to be like Him to follow his example. Every gift I give should be measured with how much it costs me, I should feel the weight of it because every gift should be seen as precious because every life is precious. Every life, every beggar, all of us....He sent His son to die for all of us beggars who don't deserve His gift but He lets us choose it anyway.
This Christmas please remember that we are all beggars who cant be choosers. Bless those who are in need and make it costly and precious to you. It will scream the gospel message even if you simple ring the bell and walk away. Merry Christmas everyone!
Sunday, November 9, 2014
Asking the hard question...
SO often over the years I have spoken to people about the mission and the one thing that has always been difficult for me is asking for financial support. Part of the reason has been because I don't want to bother people, I am afraid of the response and because I worried that relying on asking human beings might make it seem like I don't believe that Gods got it covered. It may sound silly but its the truth.
We are entering a season where people will be receiving ALOT of letters in the mail, commercials on T.V and phone calls too asking for them to help out for the Christmas season and I was truly afraid to be another one of those annoyances. I was planning a letter to send out on behalf of the mission to our supporters and feeling sick to my stomach about doing it. I don't want it to be about the money........until it hit me last night during my time of prayer........It actually is about the money.
Ouch.
11 years ago I was at a cross roads in my life. Severe depression had set in , layers of unforgiveness, guilt, fear and confusion. Not too many years before that I was living on welfare with my daughter, using food vouchers at the grocery store and celebrating Christmas with the help of organizations like HHSM. I understood that I was miserable in my poverty because I never had enough money to make me happy. When I ended up with a house in suburbia, a car, credit cards, food from the grocery store and the ability to go on trips I couldn't figure out why the money wasn't making me happier, in fact wondered why I was more depressed than ever before. Until I was introduced to Jesus Christ I didn't understand that the world was telling me a lie. Stuff could never make me happier and the darkness I felt could never be wiped away with money or things but only with making Jesus Christ my Lord and saviour. When the mission was born soon after that it was out of a sense that I wanted to let more people know about this Jesus who saved my life and even though we brought blankets to hand out too because the goal was to tell the people who wouldn't be invited to the church, people on the street it was never about the stuff. Even though the mission has now grown from the outreach 11 years ago to the free store and program center it still isn't about he stuff. People need tangible things to help make it through sometimes to the next day BUT without the love of Jesus Christ the point is entirely lost.
I believe in relationship building and really finding out the needs of people in order to help others LIVE and not just exist in the world, something alot of us do rich and poor, just exist surviving from one day to the next, one client to the next, one business deal to the next, one vacation to the next, one house to the next.
I believe the mission does a really great job, not perfect but a great job at loving our friends in the beautiful mess of life. We have seen lives changed not because of the free stuff but because Jesus is who he says he is. We have out grown our space due to the amount of people coming to the program center and being resourced from other agencies to the store. Our partnerships with other services in the city and having them come to our CHIPP ( Community Health Illness Prevention Program) has caused a ground well of activity and made huge differences with our friends finding the resources that suit their personal needs and start them on a road to success. That success may be a job, recovery from addiction and sometimes its just to successfully get out of the house that day to come and be with people and enjoy a cup of coffee.
I know we cant continue to freely open the doors to whomever stops by with asking for financial help. I know I cannot keep telling amazing stories of lives changed and connections made and community built without asking for the hardest thing to ask for....MONEY. I know the dream and very close possibility to a building to help accommodate our friends cannot become even a larger conversation without the help of donors. I know the exciting conversations I have about Helping Hands Street Mission cannot continue without the realization of meeting a growing budget due to increase in rent, increased supplies and the need for more infrastructure.
I still believe in a God who starts something and sees it through. I still believe the most important thing we can do is tell people about the saving power of Jesus Christ. I also know that by saying that I have already lost some of you, but that's okay, the mission exists only because of that truth.
The mission is in a place where it is in need of financial help and that is just a fact. I know it comes at a time when everyone is asking and i Know there are lots of places your money can go that are worthy causes. I guess what I am asking is that if over the years you have been touched by the stories of our friends at the mission and how hard our team of volunteers work we are asking for your help and yes we are asking for money. Ouch.
That's hard for me to say but the reality is with all the wonderful things that have happened over the last 11 years we have needed money to do it and we would like to do more of it. Please take the time to prayerfully consider a financial donation to the mission and I want to thank all those who faithfully support us on a monthly basis through direct deposit, credit card or though choosing us as a designation at work when your work decided to match it and to those who quietly place a cheque in the mail or cash in an envelope and pass it along down on Barton st. Thank-you for helping us these last 11 years.
God is stretching me to do what is difficult and I have been here before and it doesn't get any easier. I still believe in a God whose "got it covered" but i know he uses all of us because His plans are to connect us in helping to create a piece of "on earth as it is in heaven" together.
I never knew where God was going to take my heart when we went out that first night to give out a blanket and talk about Jesus and I don't know where He plans to take us next ( although I do have some dreams) but I am grateful everyday for a God who can take a broken, messed up girl and use her to make a small difference in the lives of those He loves. I am grateful that He sees no life as forever lost one but an opportunity to grow community in going to find them.
From the depths of my heart I thank-you .
If you want to know more about Helping Hands Street Mission please go to :
www.hhsmhamilton.com
We are entering a season where people will be receiving ALOT of letters in the mail, commercials on T.V and phone calls too asking for them to help out for the Christmas season and I was truly afraid to be another one of those annoyances. I was planning a letter to send out on behalf of the mission to our supporters and feeling sick to my stomach about doing it. I don't want it to be about the money........until it hit me last night during my time of prayer........It actually is about the money.
Ouch.
11 years ago I was at a cross roads in my life. Severe depression had set in , layers of unforgiveness, guilt, fear and confusion. Not too many years before that I was living on welfare with my daughter, using food vouchers at the grocery store and celebrating Christmas with the help of organizations like HHSM. I understood that I was miserable in my poverty because I never had enough money to make me happy. When I ended up with a house in suburbia, a car, credit cards, food from the grocery store and the ability to go on trips I couldn't figure out why the money wasn't making me happier, in fact wondered why I was more depressed than ever before. Until I was introduced to Jesus Christ I didn't understand that the world was telling me a lie. Stuff could never make me happier and the darkness I felt could never be wiped away with money or things but only with making Jesus Christ my Lord and saviour. When the mission was born soon after that it was out of a sense that I wanted to let more people know about this Jesus who saved my life and even though we brought blankets to hand out too because the goal was to tell the people who wouldn't be invited to the church, people on the street it was never about the stuff. Even though the mission has now grown from the outreach 11 years ago to the free store and program center it still isn't about he stuff. People need tangible things to help make it through sometimes to the next day BUT without the love of Jesus Christ the point is entirely lost.
I believe in relationship building and really finding out the needs of people in order to help others LIVE and not just exist in the world, something alot of us do rich and poor, just exist surviving from one day to the next, one client to the next, one business deal to the next, one vacation to the next, one house to the next.
I believe the mission does a really great job, not perfect but a great job at loving our friends in the beautiful mess of life. We have seen lives changed not because of the free stuff but because Jesus is who he says he is. We have out grown our space due to the amount of people coming to the program center and being resourced from other agencies to the store. Our partnerships with other services in the city and having them come to our CHIPP ( Community Health Illness Prevention Program) has caused a ground well of activity and made huge differences with our friends finding the resources that suit their personal needs and start them on a road to success. That success may be a job, recovery from addiction and sometimes its just to successfully get out of the house that day to come and be with people and enjoy a cup of coffee.
I know we cant continue to freely open the doors to whomever stops by with asking for financial help. I know I cannot keep telling amazing stories of lives changed and connections made and community built without asking for the hardest thing to ask for....MONEY. I know the dream and very close possibility to a building to help accommodate our friends cannot become even a larger conversation without the help of donors. I know the exciting conversations I have about Helping Hands Street Mission cannot continue without the realization of meeting a growing budget due to increase in rent, increased supplies and the need for more infrastructure.
I still believe in a God who starts something and sees it through. I still believe the most important thing we can do is tell people about the saving power of Jesus Christ. I also know that by saying that I have already lost some of you, but that's okay, the mission exists only because of that truth.
The mission is in a place where it is in need of financial help and that is just a fact. I know it comes at a time when everyone is asking and i Know there are lots of places your money can go that are worthy causes. I guess what I am asking is that if over the years you have been touched by the stories of our friends at the mission and how hard our team of volunteers work we are asking for your help and yes we are asking for money. Ouch.
That's hard for me to say but the reality is with all the wonderful things that have happened over the last 11 years we have needed money to do it and we would like to do more of it. Please take the time to prayerfully consider a financial donation to the mission and I want to thank all those who faithfully support us on a monthly basis through direct deposit, credit card or though choosing us as a designation at work when your work decided to match it and to those who quietly place a cheque in the mail or cash in an envelope and pass it along down on Barton st. Thank-you for helping us these last 11 years.
God is stretching me to do what is difficult and I have been here before and it doesn't get any easier. I still believe in a God whose "got it covered" but i know he uses all of us because His plans are to connect us in helping to create a piece of "on earth as it is in heaven" together.
I never knew where God was going to take my heart when we went out that first night to give out a blanket and talk about Jesus and I don't know where He plans to take us next ( although I do have some dreams) but I am grateful everyday for a God who can take a broken, messed up girl and use her to make a small difference in the lives of those He loves. I am grateful that He sees no life as forever lost one but an opportunity to grow community in going to find them.
From the depths of my heart I thank-you .
If you want to know more about Helping Hands Street Mission please go to :
www.hhsmhamilton.com
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