confession......
I started writing this blog 2 weeks ago and then had to stop and erase and start again I wasn't going to come back to writing it for a while but was stopped after church yesterday by a very stylish but more importantly wonderful woman who encouraged me in my blogging and in fact loved how raw it was-so its her fault \i am back and there was something I was really pissed off about..or at least I was two weeks ago. amazing how time does something to the way we see something. Well time does that but so does God he patiently waits for us to see how He has done something magical in a moment of our life that seems so wrong and God STOMPS on the head of the enemy and shows His awesome power. I don't usually wait for the time it takes to see things differently. This time I am glad I did.
Tom and I have been on a roller coaster of spiritual battleground for the last 6 weeks and sometimes we couldn't even see straight. There is not enough space on this computer to even tell you everything but lets just simplify it this way: MAJOR spiritual battles at mission, looking for advice and finding two very different opinions on what we were going through. Advice #1 we are missionaries in an inner city mission and we will be coming across lots of this so pray pray pray and be aware of bondage that you may be holding on to from the past and pray pray pray. Advice #2 you are having all these attacks because your wife Helen is having a spiritual affair with Jesus and has been out of Gods Will. She should have never opened her families door to Jesus when she asked him in to her heart but stayed quiet until her husband led the family in the relationship with God in their home. The attacks will stop when she stops speaking at churches and conferences and gives up leadership at HHSM and also starts worshiping Jesus through her husband. I will give you time to take all that in..................
I know its alot to take in. Could you imagine how hard it was for me to hear that. When Tom came home with that news lets just say I didn't take it very well. God wasn't really pleased with me. This advice messed with my husband and I for a while as he wrestled with the fact that this person backed it up with scripture and at a very vulnerable time for my husband he was open to being messed with. Let me just qualify this with Tom DOES NOT believe this advice he was only thrown off course for a while. I was pissed for lots of reasons that my previous blog was going to go on and on about but I realized after church on Sunday when our pastor talked about the detours God takes you on I tried to look at this situation differently . Tom and I have been going through more scripture together than we ever have before and really taking the time to study it together-score one for God. The enemy does what ever he can and uses whomever he can to derail you but God takes that derailment and makes it a detour to the original destination HE was sending you on. We have also learned alot about spiritual warfare something people don t talk alot about here but that some of our friends from Africa and Europe are more open to discussing it and we have really benefited from those conversations so much so I want to tell you something incredible that happened that the enemy didn't see coming but God just blew him out of the water with.....
In the middle of these 6 weeks of crazy at our home my mum came for tea, that's not new she has come for tea before but this time was different. My mum and I get along but I think she would agree that most of the time we have had more surface conversations and nothing too deep. I have always felt like there has been an invisible barrier between us-nothing hard or harsh but like a strange fog almost that has kept us from connecting deeper. There could be many reasons for this but for my mum and I it has alot to do with alot of guilt and other garbage that we both carried around with and for each other. there was no doubt we loved each other but it wasn't something easily said by my mum because I know I did not create the space for her to freely say it to me-not her fault. Mine. We sometimes think someone isn't giving us what we need when all along we never gave them environment to even enter in and give it. This tea date turned in to a discussion with my mum about what I had been going through with the spiritual warfare (that's insane)-God opened the door with a situation my mum was telling me about and it was as if God said "share it with her" so I did, I thought she was going to just say "wow that's crazy" but she was taken in by what I was telling her( I kept out the stuff about advice #2 because my mum would have gone through the roof-she would be so ticked in an awesome loving way) I talked about what we learned about spiritual bondage and the things we can carry from generation to generation and I spoke to her about the baggage we could both be carrying. I asked my mum if I could pray for her-YES I DID- it was scary but I did it and I held my mum and prayed for forgiveness and release of guilt and shame and anger and prayed that God would free us both to live in the peace and freedom He planned for us to have-it was incredible and moving and crazy and so GOD! My mum and I hugged after tighter than I have ever remembered and she told me how much she loved me and I to her. I felt like years of baggage fell off and disappeared, i realized in that moment that all the crap the enemy wanted to use for evil God was now turning it around for His goodness and then i had this image of God stepping on the enemies head and squishing it like a watermelon. You see the enemy has tried everything my whole life to stop Gods plan for me, for my mum for our family but WE have the power when we take the detours that God brings us to to go back on track to fulfilling the plans God has for us all along.
I was pissed up to a few days ago and I didnt know how to tell this major part of my journey and I was trying to be careful about how to say it but thanks to the encouraging whispers of a very stylish and wonderful friend at church I just wrote it, raw and real and her encouragement mixed with a message about detour helped make me see a little clearer what was really going on . Listen to the encouraging whispers and our amazing powerful God and know that all the other stuff is just noise. Focus on His plan for your life and when the enemy tries to derail you soak in the word and get closer to those around you. God has already won-remember that. P.S I have no plans for keeping quiet, quitting the mission or stopping my relationship with Jesus in fact I feel like we are getting FREAKIER all the time. ;) Love you Lord love you Tom love you Mum.
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