Seeing a reflection of myself

At work today I was visited by two woman that I haven't seen in about 2 years. I was happy to see they were both well-despite the fact that one suffered a heart attack a year ago and the other has suffered the loss of a few family members and friends since I saw her last. In fact they both looked better than the last time i saw them and i was grateful for that-its always nice when it seems like people are on the right track-at least for today. I asked them about a friend they had brought with them the last time they were at the mission 2 years ago and they both looked down at the floor. "You didn't know she died?" they said. " she passed away a year ago in January alone in her apartment but we don't think she did it on purpose but she was sick and sad. Her family didn't want anything to do with her, even her kids. She really was a great person with a big heart but sometimes we get swallowed up in our mess we drown." I took a breath and said " Did she ever tell you how we knew each other?" I asked. "Yes she did Helen but we don't care about that we don't judge anyone, we saw you in the paper last year when it told your story about who you were and how this got started and we are really proud of you and she was too. She didn't read it but she was happy about you helping other people"
 I took another breath and stepped into the basement to look for a coat for one of the women and paused in reflection of two young moms in a teen mom program who were trying to make it through to get their high school diploma while someone watched their kids for free. Two young moms who socialized with all the wrong people and who placed their children in situations that were not safe for anyone. Two young moms who believed in better things for other people but who gave up on themselves before anyone else could say they did. Two young moms who didn't  know anything about love or the cost of trying to figure it out so young. Whose kids were moved from apartment to apartment because the rent wasn't paid or too much trouble was caused or just the hope that the new place would bring something better.Moms who didn't think twice about partying, drinking or drugs and would have been perfect case files for children s aid.  I thought alot about these moms and where their life led them from a similar starting point to a very different end. I thought alot about her and I today. About why she is dead before she turns 40 and I am writing this blog reflecting on my journey with Jesus on my way to turning 40.
 When I saw her 2 years ago after 18 years I didn't recognize her until she told me her name and I then recognized her eyes. Her eyes behind a face that told of years of pain and anger. Years that were spent in jail ,fighting to see her kids and fighting to find herself. Years that I very well could have spent instead of her or beside her. I was never in jail but not because I never broke the law. I never had to fight for my kids but not because I never did anything worthy of them being taken, because I certain did. and here I am fighting to find myself on this journey with Jesus but the only difference was being able to fall into Him. The crossroads of my life on Aug 29 2003 was the moment I met Him and my life that was headed in the very direction she was in. In that moment of the cross stabbing me in the heart was the only thing that separated her and I in our journey that lay ahead. God showed me a reflection of myself that day she came into the mission 2 years ago- I didn't see a messed up old friend but I saw me a reflection of where I was also headed, where he rescued me from.
 You know what I never told her about Jesus when I saw her that last time in the mission and I regret that now. What if that was her moment to know about Jesus and it was my job to tell her. I have been thinking about this all day since I heard of her passing and I cant shake it. I cant do anything about it now but it has really forced me to think about all the people in my life who I don't share the news of Jesus with. I have been praying that someone else stepped into her life and told her about Him and her salvation in Him and I pray she is being comforted by Him now. Our lives were so parallel for a long time- how do I have the right to live a good life with children who love me enough to still speak to me and have me apart of their lives, free from the system of social welfare, living in house with windows(we both lived in an apartment with no windows once) and working at a place that I love? I have asked God why but I know I wont get an answer. I reflect on this JESUS FREAK journey I am on and realize that in the midst of all of this stuff about me, my responsibility is also to others and I don't want to ever let that moment pass again when \i step out and say I am here because of Jesus and ask if they know him too. I was reminded at church this weekend that I need to see everyone in the image of God. I guess that's like the reflection we are supposed to see in others-where we see ourselves in their faces because there but by the grace of God go I.