This past Sunday at our group we call R.A.W (Real Awesome Worship) at the mission, its our little space, our little church space, I got to hear my husband preach his first ever sermon and it was great. We just finished our second round of Alpha and loving every minute with Nicky Gumbel but our friends wanted to learn more about God. We asked them about what they would like to hear about and they gave us LOTS to choose from. One of those suggestions was "we hear about giving your life to God but what would that look like and be honest", so we prayed about it and thought about what we thought were the hardest things about it and compared it to the expectations God had for our lives and my husband went on to speak beautifully and honestly about "being Christian". He was so nervous because he knows that he does not have the proper "schooling" according to the world and he had to battle his own insecurities -you know that tape that plays in your head that tells you your not good enough, but we have learned together over the past few years that when you follow God it isn't going to make sense to everyone in the world but it is God who we ultimately answer to . The fact is every week at R.A.W we never know who will show up, what will be asked or what will happen. It truly is a beautiful mess most of the time.
This Sunday was extra special because it was the first time we led without relying on Nicky to start us off. We prayed for God to give Tom the wisdom and the words and He really did. I was really proud of him. to see him step out into something for God and open himself up to possible ridicule and at the very least a room of people who would throw really hard questions at him. We gained strength through the worship songs we sang and knew if we released it all to God He would sort it out even if we didn't really hear from him and were not stepping out into his will, we know He is a God who never leaves you in the mess but pulls you out to make a message.
Just as Tom began to preach a woman named Maria came in and sat down, made the sign of the cross over her body and closed her eyes in prayer. We know Maria she has been coming to the mission store for many years now but has never attended our church on Sunday. She listened to Tom and sang worship songs with all of us and prayed with us. When we were finished and everyone started to leave she asked me if she could speak to Tom and I before she leaves. I said of course and she asked me to listen to why. She said in her thick Portuguese accent " I have alot of pain in my life. I lost God along time ago and I put up a wall between me and him because I cry out to him in pain many years for myself and my children but He doesn't come so I said forget you and I put up a wall. I haven't had him for a long time. But I hear you people say today about being mad at God and I am. but I want him back I am ready to have him again but my wall is so big many years many angry years. I want to talk to your husband, have him pray for me I want to have God again." She took my breath away. I called the rest of the people left to come and pray over her with Tom and I and she shared with them a bit of what she told me, even George was there with us. We prayed for the wall to come crashing down and for Maria to know that God had never left her all these years. I was so glad she came , she thanked us for the prayer and left.
Today came and while I was serving coffee at the missions free hair salon Maria came in. She said I need to speak to you right now! I went over to her and she said, " I thought yesterday was the hair cut day, I got my days mixed up. Thats why I came yesterday during your church, I thought you were just praying for the start of the hair cuts like you do for everything and then your husband started speaking about God and I realized I was in church and I was going to leave but I knew that God had tricked me into coming to church to meet Him again. After you prayed with me yesterday my insides were empty I didn't feel hard in the middle anymore and I knew God had tricked me into meeting him, He will do whatever He needs to get you with him I guess. Thank-you for that it has been along time without Him and I am glad He tricked me. SO I am here today for a hair cut -right?" she smiled. "yes Maria today is the hair cut day, not church. " I laughed. She said " I think I may come back to church again either here or the one I used to go to but I talked to God today." I said "Maria I am so glad you and God are talking again and wherever He needs to meet you we are so happy for that and I will let Tom know for sure. Thank-you for sharing this with me."
I am blessed by everything at the mission and I am on an incredible JESUS FREAK journey with God but I am never less than surprised and humbled and forever blown away by the way He does everything so on purpose and so beautifully for His kingdom and the way HE steps right into our beautiful mess everyday. God you are so awesome and I thank you for the boldness of my husband to follow you and for a place like HHSM where there is space for all us broken people to try our best to move forward on our journeys with you. I am so glad God that you and Maria are talking again. :)
Monday, October 21, 2013
Saturday, October 5, 2013
Going on a bike ride....finding me some Jesus
Today was the Ride for Refuge.
Today we left the house thinking we were raising money for Helping Hands Street Mission.
Today I complained about the weather, having to get up early and argued with my daughter all before I left the house.
Today I had a discussion about whether the fundraiser would be "worth it" in the end.
Today God told me to shut my face and pay attention because yet again and as always Today was about something so much more than I could ever imagine.
We rode for team Sandi. Sandi is a friend of mine who is one of the strongest women I have ever known. Sandi and I met a long time ago when we were both very different people. She was addicted to drugs and I was addicted to serving in the community at the expense of my family and not always for Gods glory. She came to the mission for help but what really ended up happening is she ripped away my layers to expose what lessons I needed to learn that could only be taught by her. Sandi says the mission helped save her life, I say the feeling is mutual.
Sandi raised the most money of anyone on our team although I am not surprised. One day when she shares her story to the whole world you wont be either. She is a woman who you want to be close to because wisdom just flows from her. A woman who hangs on to Jesus really hard because she knows what its like when you let go. She was there before me and already ready to go just waiting for her opportunity to get on that bike so she could "get it over with" as she said. Sandi was afraid she may not be able to finish the 10 k. She was out of shape and has some health issues that make it difficult to breathe. She was upset because she couldn't get MORE money for the mission, "maybe next year" she said.
We started the ride and we sent the younger girls ahead to be our pacers and we had Sandi in the middle in case she got tired. Sandi took about 5 minutes to want to go further and faster. As she passed people she talked about who she was riding for (something I didn't do) and at one point she was talking to a woman for quite a while and I could hear things like "I am riding for Helping hands Street Mission they and God really helped me in my life.." she is sharing a small part of her testimony (something I wasn't doing). We reached the half way point and she needed a little break so she stopped and used her puffer, had a drink and a Halls from her pocket. She walked her bike up one of the hills so she could catch her breath. She kept saying sorry, we kept saying its okay. When she got on her bike again the wind started to come against us pretty hard and I heard her start to pray ..."God give me strength and stop the enemy from trying to stop me" I wonder how many times it has never occurred to me to pray first before complaining. Sandi , always a teacher.
Our team made it and we rode in together with some really great people cheering us on. She finished the ride she thought she couldn't do in under an hour. She thanked God when she got off her bike for giving her the strength. A few more people came in behind us and it was someone who had been emailing me about their new church plant wanting to connect again with HHSM to serve and partner with us. We said hello and he introduced me to his mother who let me know that she is a part of a group that is involved with justice for those involved in prostitution and human trafficking. I immediately wanted Sandi to meet her, they have the same heart for the same woman. I brought her over and she explained who she was again and Sandi said " this is the lady I was talking to on the ride." She turned to her and said " I never shared my whole story with you but I was involved in the life too and I would love to talk to you about housing for woman." They went on to talk about connecting together since she has woman doing speaking tours with her group all over the country. I was just watching and loving how God planned this day all along. Sandi said " Can you believe how God does that?!?!" I said "sometimes God is so creepy the way He connects EVERYTHING!" She laughed.
Today wasn't about how much money we raised for Helping Hands Street Mission. It wasn't about if we thought it was worth the time. It was all about God all along moving Sandi onto yet another stage in her journey with him and sending her out to share what He has done in her to more people for His glory. Today was a FREAKY day, A JESUS FREAKY day. A day when you get to watch God take over the whole situation and move you out of the way so He can continue to do the great works He does in all of us.
Today we left the house thinking we were raising money for Helping Hands Street Mission.
Today I complained about the weather, having to get up early and argued with my daughter all before I left the house.
Today I had a discussion about whether the fundraiser would be "worth it" in the end.
Today God told me to shut my face and pay attention because yet again and as always Today was about something so much more than I could ever imagine.
We rode for team Sandi. Sandi is a friend of mine who is one of the strongest women I have ever known. Sandi and I met a long time ago when we were both very different people. She was addicted to drugs and I was addicted to serving in the community at the expense of my family and not always for Gods glory. She came to the mission for help but what really ended up happening is she ripped away my layers to expose what lessons I needed to learn that could only be taught by her. Sandi says the mission helped save her life, I say the feeling is mutual.
Sandi raised the most money of anyone on our team although I am not surprised. One day when she shares her story to the whole world you wont be either. She is a woman who you want to be close to because wisdom just flows from her. A woman who hangs on to Jesus really hard because she knows what its like when you let go. She was there before me and already ready to go just waiting for her opportunity to get on that bike so she could "get it over with" as she said. Sandi was afraid she may not be able to finish the 10 k. She was out of shape and has some health issues that make it difficult to breathe. She was upset because she couldn't get MORE money for the mission, "maybe next year" she said.
We started the ride and we sent the younger girls ahead to be our pacers and we had Sandi in the middle in case she got tired. Sandi took about 5 minutes to want to go further and faster. As she passed people she talked about who she was riding for (something I didn't do) and at one point she was talking to a woman for quite a while and I could hear things like "I am riding for Helping hands Street Mission they and God really helped me in my life.." she is sharing a small part of her testimony (something I wasn't doing). We reached the half way point and she needed a little break so she stopped and used her puffer, had a drink and a Halls from her pocket. She walked her bike up one of the hills so she could catch her breath. She kept saying sorry, we kept saying its okay. When she got on her bike again the wind started to come against us pretty hard and I heard her start to pray ..."God give me strength and stop the enemy from trying to stop me" I wonder how many times it has never occurred to me to pray first before complaining. Sandi , always a teacher.
Our team made it and we rode in together with some really great people cheering us on. She finished the ride she thought she couldn't do in under an hour. She thanked God when she got off her bike for giving her the strength. A few more people came in behind us and it was someone who had been emailing me about their new church plant wanting to connect again with HHSM to serve and partner with us. We said hello and he introduced me to his mother who let me know that she is a part of a group that is involved with justice for those involved in prostitution and human trafficking. I immediately wanted Sandi to meet her, they have the same heart for the same woman. I brought her over and she explained who she was again and Sandi said " this is the lady I was talking to on the ride." She turned to her and said " I never shared my whole story with you but I was involved in the life too and I would love to talk to you about housing for woman." They went on to talk about connecting together since she has woman doing speaking tours with her group all over the country. I was just watching and loving how God planned this day all along. Sandi said " Can you believe how God does that?!?!" I said "sometimes God is so creepy the way He connects EVERYTHING!" She laughed.
Today wasn't about how much money we raised for Helping Hands Street Mission. It wasn't about if we thought it was worth the time. It was all about God all along moving Sandi onto yet another stage in her journey with him and sending her out to share what He has done in her to more people for His glory. Today was a FREAKY day, A JESUS FREAKY day. A day when you get to watch God take over the whole situation and move you out of the way so He can continue to do the great works He does in all of us.
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Breakfast with Jesus
I don't know where to start on this blog I am sooooo excited and filled with joy with how awesome God really is. We just got home from the most incredible celebration of Jesus and the awesome power he has to save people. It was a facebook event to celebrate my 10th birthday with Jesus but it turned into something so much better than that!
It started at 7 am at Angels diner where 26 people woke up early to celebrate together( it turned into 32 by the end of the morning).....LOTS of coffee was served and delicious breakfast and the room just filled with the holy spirit...it was amazing! Friends that I have known for many years and some that I just met but all there to celebrate the awesome power of God who redeems all who ask and surrender to him. Many friends who would never be up before 8 were there , some staying to eat and share until work started and many who flowed in later. The waitress asked what we were celebrating and I got to share with her about my spiritual birthday..always opportunities that God places before us. My Jesus Freak friend who brought me to the Lord was there and I couldn't be more excited for the people who have heard about the mystery woman from my testimony to see her and meet her it took my breath away. She is a very private woman who doesn't normally share but she did and gave details of how God placed me into her life and how He saved hers as well. Then it started a group of people alot strangers who have never met and would have never crossed paths except for Jesus telling their stories of their life with Jesus and what they are doing now and how they met me and really just pouring out their testimonies to strangers and finding the connection between one another....a connection planned so perfectly by God.
I stopped to take some pictures and was looking through the lens at one point and began to tear up. God has placed each one of the people in this room in my life to help me on my journey until this point and moving forward. People from all different backgrounds denominations and even some who wouldn't call themselves Christian (although I believe they are in the closet) people who witnessed the transformation of my life and some who simply know me post-Jesus. My husband said grace and i knew that he wasn't just thanking the Lord for this day but for all the things many in that room don't know that God has taken our marriage out of and into. My life 10 years ago was painful and shattered and I know if God can save me he really can save anyone. There is no doubt in my mind that the obedience of my Jesus Freak friend is the reason why I am here today. She shared about how she prayed to God not to use her to help me because I was so miserable, but God told her to go and tell me about him. I wonder how many people I have over looked because they seemed too hard to get to? I wonder who I am afraid to tell ? My prayer is to be bold for Jesus in all circumstances and be obedient to God in all things.
I asked each person who was coming today to go and bless someone they do not know and simply say that Jesus loves them. This past week I have received many messages from people who couldn't attend who told me stories of the blessings they passed on to strangers and it warmed my heart. Connections were made at the tables that were totally God appointments, ministry leaders meeting possible volunteers, speaking engagements planned for others to share their testimonies with lots more people and friendships rekindled of people who haven't seen each other in a while. We even had a family reunion of sorts...so awesome so God! It was a beautiful mosaic of Gods people celebrating the power of Gods love. If i could start every morning like that it would be heaven. Over 3 hours of stories of redemption, grace , mercy, hope, peace, passion, struggles, joy and love. So often in churches we never get to hear the incredible stories of what God has done and is doing.....living breathing kingdom stories of the miracles God has been doing long after the last word in the bible was written. As we were leaving I went to pay for Hannahs breakfast and the waitress said" oh no someone in your group left me lots of money to pay for any customers meals on my shift that I wanted to bless through out the day." Today there will be many customers feeling the blessings of God at that diner and a waitress who will remember how much joy and love was in that room and tell other people about it.....about someones birthday with Jesus.
I was still so "high" on the spirit when I pulled into our driveway at home to see my friend Will and his brothers emptying their dads house that recently sold. Will was instrumental in my early walk with God and one of the greatest encourages of the mission even though I was so new and had no clue what I was doing or even how to articulate my faith. He allowed me to be bold in my faith and when I said I was hearing from God he never tried to tell me I was not. Even the many times I am sure when I would say or do things that he knew would cause me to have to learn the hard way , he let me walk with God on MY journey so I could learn what I needed to. I love how God had him there on today of all days! I ran to him and told him about our wonderful breakfast and got to share with his brothers too. We prayed together on the front lawn and thanked God for how great he is and they again encouraged me on my journey with him to step boldly into His presence. Talk about feeling on fire! Holy spirit fire!
Today is a day that I look at the people, remember the places and see how God is so intentional with us. If we just open the door to allow him to work the things he can do in and through us are mind blowing! I am still married, have wonderful children, a community of on fire faith filled warriors all that are complete miracles from God and most important I am alive and well in Jesus Christ! If you are reading this blog and are not yet saved please know it is never too late (30 years for me) you are never too broken( I was so broken I wanted to die) and no matter what you have done (I have done some terrible things) Jesus loves you like no one else ever can and he is waiting for you to ask him into your heart. Lord I pray that you break open the hearts of anyone reading this blog who is not saved and flood them with your spirit. I pray that for families who think they have someone who is so lost they gave up trying will be bold again today for you.I thank you Jesus for never letting me go and for redeeming all the things in my life, all the broken that you have made new. Please make me bold and never loose my JESUS FREAK for you! AMEN
It started at 7 am at Angels diner where 26 people woke up early to celebrate together( it turned into 32 by the end of the morning).....LOTS of coffee was served and delicious breakfast and the room just filled with the holy spirit...it was amazing! Friends that I have known for many years and some that I just met but all there to celebrate the awesome power of God who redeems all who ask and surrender to him. Many friends who would never be up before 8 were there , some staying to eat and share until work started and many who flowed in later. The waitress asked what we were celebrating and I got to share with her about my spiritual birthday..always opportunities that God places before us. My Jesus Freak friend who brought me to the Lord was there and I couldn't be more excited for the people who have heard about the mystery woman from my testimony to see her and meet her it took my breath away. She is a very private woman who doesn't normally share but she did and gave details of how God placed me into her life and how He saved hers as well. Then it started a group of people alot strangers who have never met and would have never crossed paths except for Jesus telling their stories of their life with Jesus and what they are doing now and how they met me and really just pouring out their testimonies to strangers and finding the connection between one another....a connection planned so perfectly by God.
I stopped to take some pictures and was looking through the lens at one point and began to tear up. God has placed each one of the people in this room in my life to help me on my journey until this point and moving forward. People from all different backgrounds denominations and even some who wouldn't call themselves Christian (although I believe they are in the closet) people who witnessed the transformation of my life and some who simply know me post-Jesus. My husband said grace and i knew that he wasn't just thanking the Lord for this day but for all the things many in that room don't know that God has taken our marriage out of and into. My life 10 years ago was painful and shattered and I know if God can save me he really can save anyone. There is no doubt in my mind that the obedience of my Jesus Freak friend is the reason why I am here today. She shared about how she prayed to God not to use her to help me because I was so miserable, but God told her to go and tell me about him. I wonder how many people I have over looked because they seemed too hard to get to? I wonder who I am afraid to tell ? My prayer is to be bold for Jesus in all circumstances and be obedient to God in all things.
I asked each person who was coming today to go and bless someone they do not know and simply say that Jesus loves them. This past week I have received many messages from people who couldn't attend who told me stories of the blessings they passed on to strangers and it warmed my heart. Connections were made at the tables that were totally God appointments, ministry leaders meeting possible volunteers, speaking engagements planned for others to share their testimonies with lots more people and friendships rekindled of people who haven't seen each other in a while. We even had a family reunion of sorts...so awesome so God! It was a beautiful mosaic of Gods people celebrating the power of Gods love. If i could start every morning like that it would be heaven. Over 3 hours of stories of redemption, grace , mercy, hope, peace, passion, struggles, joy and love. So often in churches we never get to hear the incredible stories of what God has done and is doing.....living breathing kingdom stories of the miracles God has been doing long after the last word in the bible was written. As we were leaving I went to pay for Hannahs breakfast and the waitress said" oh no someone in your group left me lots of money to pay for any customers meals on my shift that I wanted to bless through out the day." Today there will be many customers feeling the blessings of God at that diner and a waitress who will remember how much joy and love was in that room and tell other people about it.....about someones birthday with Jesus.
I was still so "high" on the spirit when I pulled into our driveway at home to see my friend Will and his brothers emptying their dads house that recently sold. Will was instrumental in my early walk with God and one of the greatest encourages of the mission even though I was so new and had no clue what I was doing or even how to articulate my faith. He allowed me to be bold in my faith and when I said I was hearing from God he never tried to tell me I was not. Even the many times I am sure when I would say or do things that he knew would cause me to have to learn the hard way , he let me walk with God on MY journey so I could learn what I needed to. I love how God had him there on today of all days! I ran to him and told him about our wonderful breakfast and got to share with his brothers too. We prayed together on the front lawn and thanked God for how great he is and they again encouraged me on my journey with him to step boldly into His presence. Talk about feeling on fire! Holy spirit fire!
Today is a day that I look at the people, remember the places and see how God is so intentional with us. If we just open the door to allow him to work the things he can do in and through us are mind blowing! I am still married, have wonderful children, a community of on fire faith filled warriors all that are complete miracles from God and most important I am alive and well in Jesus Christ! If you are reading this blog and are not yet saved please know it is never too late (30 years for me) you are never too broken( I was so broken I wanted to die) and no matter what you have done (I have done some terrible things) Jesus loves you like no one else ever can and he is waiting for you to ask him into your heart. Lord I pray that you break open the hearts of anyone reading this blog who is not saved and flood them with your spirit. I pray that for families who think they have someone who is so lost they gave up trying will be bold again today for you.I thank you Jesus for never letting me go and for redeeming all the things in my life, all the broken that you have made new. Please make me bold and never loose my JESUS FREAK for you! AMEN
Monday, August 26, 2013
Imperfect tea cups and broken roses.
I am overwhelmed these past few days with the people God has placed in my life to love me the unique way they all do. I woke up this morning on my "official" birthday feeling more than blessed if there is such a thing and really so grateful for the life God has allowed me to have. I am always aware of everything in my life being the fruit of following Jesus , without him I would be dead, literally and figuratively. Today as I went to the mission God blew me out of the water again. Doesn't he always.
I was greeted by Michelle a student who is interning with us who was holding a cake and cupcakes to share with our friends and a bouquet of flowers. I thanked her and said she didn't need to do that and she responded by saying, " I am so happy to be able to do my hours here and I am grateful for it. Thanks for letting me be a part of it." She has no idea what a blessings she is to us and yet she is another example of how God draws people to places and spaces and tugs at their heart to love his people......those people we think are so unlovable. Just before we opened my friend Abby stopped by with her mom and I was so glad to see her on my birthday, we have known Abby for almost 9 years now and I haven't seen her all summer. They wished me a happy birthday and gave me a hug and we shared a cupcake while she told me about her new outfit for school, Oh how I miss seeing her since her mom had to find a new place further away from the mission-what a treat for my birthday! I was wearing my Birthday Girl button but most already knew it was my birthday before they got there. Of course having cake was a big hit and real cream for their coffee was pretty awesome too-no powdered stuff. We started running low on cake and Sandi rides her bike INTO the door of the mission out of breath and says "close your eyes Helen and put out your hand" I have to be honest there were times in my relationship with Sandi that I wouldn't dare do that but God has so radically redeemed her life I knew it was safe. She placed a red velvet cake in my hand and said with tears in her eyes and a shaky voice" I was trying to get here before you opened so we could all sing happy birthday to you sorry I was late". I hugged and kissed her and told her how much i loved her and she told me the same and wished me a happy birthday. She is a true walking talking miracle from God. How incredible it is to witness her life. She said cut the cake!! SO we did and had even more to share with our friends. Jill came in asking for a loonie to buy her cat some food before her cheque came and I reminded her that we cannot give out money then I remembered the cat food left over from Sandi looking after the stray we had a few days ago so I gave it to her, enough to last for a while. She was so grateful and returned about an hour later with some roses. Beautiful pink full roses that smelled amazing. "Happy Birthday Helen " I gave her a hug and thanked her for the flowers and looked down at the broken stem that had been twisted and turned from its bush from someones garden and given to me as a gift. Lovely broken roses from a lovely lady who had no money left for a few days but wanted to give me something. Those roses sit in a beautiful vase at my table and they are broken but so lovely, just like Jill. Tammy saw the flowers and said "hey its your birthday I didn't know why didn't anyone tell me?!?!?" She ran back to the store side of the mission and returned with something wrapped simply in a plastic bag and said " here happy birthday I got you something." I unwrapped the bag and it was cup with a strange handle that didn't seem like it was meant for it and it had the words TEA written all over it. Someone had just donated it. Tammy said " I know you like tea so I wanted you to have it." Spoken like a friend who had shopped all day for that something special for your birthday. It was imperfect but lovely just like Tammy. That tea cup is now washed and ready to go on my counter for tomorrow mornings breakfast and I cant wait to sit and enjoy a cup and look at my roses. Beautiful gifts from some beautiful woman to me.....me . A broken and imperfect woman like them.
My last few days have been filled with so many beautiful things. Parties cards friends cake and gifts. Today God brought me back to place of remembering that broken and imperfect is all we have here as we wait for the coming of the perfect One who sees our lovely through it all.
I was greeted by Michelle a student who is interning with us who was holding a cake and cupcakes to share with our friends and a bouquet of flowers. I thanked her and said she didn't need to do that and she responded by saying, " I am so happy to be able to do my hours here and I am grateful for it. Thanks for letting me be a part of it." She has no idea what a blessings she is to us and yet she is another example of how God draws people to places and spaces and tugs at their heart to love his people......those people we think are so unlovable. Just before we opened my friend Abby stopped by with her mom and I was so glad to see her on my birthday, we have known Abby for almost 9 years now and I haven't seen her all summer. They wished me a happy birthday and gave me a hug and we shared a cupcake while she told me about her new outfit for school, Oh how I miss seeing her since her mom had to find a new place further away from the mission-what a treat for my birthday! I was wearing my Birthday Girl button but most already knew it was my birthday before they got there. Of course having cake was a big hit and real cream for their coffee was pretty awesome too-no powdered stuff. We started running low on cake and Sandi rides her bike INTO the door of the mission out of breath and says "close your eyes Helen and put out your hand" I have to be honest there were times in my relationship with Sandi that I wouldn't dare do that but God has so radically redeemed her life I knew it was safe. She placed a red velvet cake in my hand and said with tears in her eyes and a shaky voice" I was trying to get here before you opened so we could all sing happy birthday to you sorry I was late". I hugged and kissed her and told her how much i loved her and she told me the same and wished me a happy birthday. She is a true walking talking miracle from God. How incredible it is to witness her life. She said cut the cake!! SO we did and had even more to share with our friends. Jill came in asking for a loonie to buy her cat some food before her cheque came and I reminded her that we cannot give out money then I remembered the cat food left over from Sandi looking after the stray we had a few days ago so I gave it to her, enough to last for a while. She was so grateful and returned about an hour later with some roses. Beautiful pink full roses that smelled amazing. "Happy Birthday Helen " I gave her a hug and thanked her for the flowers and looked down at the broken stem that had been twisted and turned from its bush from someones garden and given to me as a gift. Lovely broken roses from a lovely lady who had no money left for a few days but wanted to give me something. Those roses sit in a beautiful vase at my table and they are broken but so lovely, just like Jill. Tammy saw the flowers and said "hey its your birthday I didn't know why didn't anyone tell me?!?!?" She ran back to the store side of the mission and returned with something wrapped simply in a plastic bag and said " here happy birthday I got you something." I unwrapped the bag and it was cup with a strange handle that didn't seem like it was meant for it and it had the words TEA written all over it. Someone had just donated it. Tammy said " I know you like tea so I wanted you to have it." Spoken like a friend who had shopped all day for that something special for your birthday. It was imperfect but lovely just like Tammy. That tea cup is now washed and ready to go on my counter for tomorrow mornings breakfast and I cant wait to sit and enjoy a cup and look at my roses. Beautiful gifts from some beautiful woman to me.....me . A broken and imperfect woman like them.
My last few days have been filled with so many beautiful things. Parties cards friends cake and gifts. Today God brought me back to place of remembering that broken and imperfect is all we have here as we wait for the coming of the perfect One who sees our lovely through it all.
Saturday, August 24, 2013
The real purpose of the journey .
It has almost been one year since this JESUS FREAK journey started.....in two more days I am officially 40 years old.....I am so excited!
This journey has taken me places within myself that have been a bit scary and it has definitely been a year of growth, sometimes painful but so worth every minute. When I started this blog the idea was to find my FREAK again that space I was in almost 10 years ago when Jesus destroyed me to give me a new life. I thought finding that "excitement " about my faith again was what I needed but I now know all along God was bringing me to an even better place with Him......isn't it wonderful that He doesn't always give us what we think we need? Gods wisdom has saved me many times from myself. My FREAK for JESUS is here again but in a much more rich way, it is here with a sense that I soak more than I FREAK about it and my boldness that I thought I lost is here but it is more secure in itself which makes it even better. I thought I was looking to return to what I had but God wasn't okay with leaving me there, He loves us all more than that.
Tonight my wonderful husband, daughter and best friend threw a fantastic surprise 40th birthday party for me. It was in the barn on my friends property, lots of wonderful food and I received amazing gifts......I was overwhelmed. As we went for the tractor ride as the sun was setting I was reflecting in my mind how the last 40 years of my life has been. I thought about the girl I was and the woman I am now. I thought about my relationships with family and friends and my marriage and my children.......the good and the bad. I sat on that ride and thought about the people at this party some who have known me my whole life, some from my past and some just from the last 10 years or less and I couldn't help but smile. It amazes me how God can gather all of these people together in a space, all who have known me , loved me, been through great times but also some very dark times and have us celebrate together with one another. I thought about how awkward it really did feel at first when I saw them all and realized the party was for me. Sometimes I am overwhelmed by the people whom God has placed in my life, how did I ever deserve this? I reflected on the people who were there some who I have hurt in the past and mended those relationships and many who just gave me a whole lotta grace in the times I have messed up and never needed any mending at all. I thought about all the people there who mentored me on this 10 year journey with Jesus and who may never know how instrumental their time, listening ear or simple example has been to me. I love how different we all are and how God uses us all to refine eachother and to even allow painful experiences to teach us mercy, grace and strength.
I sat and opened many beautiful cards with words that inspired , made me laugh and made me cry.Opened beautiful gifts and gifts that will allow me to indulge in the things I love. I sat with my "BIRTHDAY GIRL" button and looked around a barn at God .
I saw the face of Jesus in everyone there. I saw how God took a broken life of mine and didn't just put it back together but reformed and reshaped it using the most important tool He has to do that......His people....my people ......all those people in that barn tonight. Not perfect relationships but messy ones....beautiful kingdom mess with Gods people. I could hardly breath when I said thank-you tonight. I realized in that moment that my search for my JESUS FREAK was over, It was never really gone because it was right there in that room. It wasn't about trying to get back what I thought I lost it was about realizing that God was moving me into a new phase of this journey and in order to move me forward He needed me to see what the FREAK really is. Its the relationships in the community of God that holds no barriers of where you attend church, IF you attend church, what denomination you are. Having my JESUS FREAK back was about the enormity of the spirit of God and that no box can contain it. No rules or doctrine or building. My FREAK was in the connection to people who live this crazy life in ways that inspire and provoke It is found in a room full of people who do not demand perfection from me but demand a life lived full for God even if that looks radically different from theirs My JESUS FREAK is back. Not the way it used to be but the way it is meant to be on this leg of the journey.
I think I may continue this blog as a personal reminder to me of the many ways God is still working on me. Thanks for reading it this year and thanks to everyone who has ever touched my life.
This journey has taken me places within myself that have been a bit scary and it has definitely been a year of growth, sometimes painful but so worth every minute. When I started this blog the idea was to find my FREAK again that space I was in almost 10 years ago when Jesus destroyed me to give me a new life. I thought finding that "excitement " about my faith again was what I needed but I now know all along God was bringing me to an even better place with Him......isn't it wonderful that He doesn't always give us what we think we need? Gods wisdom has saved me many times from myself. My FREAK for JESUS is here again but in a much more rich way, it is here with a sense that I soak more than I FREAK about it and my boldness that I thought I lost is here but it is more secure in itself which makes it even better. I thought I was looking to return to what I had but God wasn't okay with leaving me there, He loves us all more than that.
Tonight my wonderful husband, daughter and best friend threw a fantastic surprise 40th birthday party for me. It was in the barn on my friends property, lots of wonderful food and I received amazing gifts......I was overwhelmed. As we went for the tractor ride as the sun was setting I was reflecting in my mind how the last 40 years of my life has been. I thought about the girl I was and the woman I am now. I thought about my relationships with family and friends and my marriage and my children.......the good and the bad. I sat on that ride and thought about the people at this party some who have known me my whole life, some from my past and some just from the last 10 years or less and I couldn't help but smile. It amazes me how God can gather all of these people together in a space, all who have known me , loved me, been through great times but also some very dark times and have us celebrate together with one another. I thought about how awkward it really did feel at first when I saw them all and realized the party was for me. Sometimes I am overwhelmed by the people whom God has placed in my life, how did I ever deserve this? I reflected on the people who were there some who I have hurt in the past and mended those relationships and many who just gave me a whole lotta grace in the times I have messed up and never needed any mending at all. I thought about all the people there who mentored me on this 10 year journey with Jesus and who may never know how instrumental their time, listening ear or simple example has been to me. I love how different we all are and how God uses us all to refine eachother and to even allow painful experiences to teach us mercy, grace and strength.
I sat and opened many beautiful cards with words that inspired , made me laugh and made me cry.Opened beautiful gifts and gifts that will allow me to indulge in the things I love. I sat with my "BIRTHDAY GIRL" button and looked around a barn at God .
I saw the face of Jesus in everyone there. I saw how God took a broken life of mine and didn't just put it back together but reformed and reshaped it using the most important tool He has to do that......His people....my people ......all those people in that barn tonight. Not perfect relationships but messy ones....beautiful kingdom mess with Gods people. I could hardly breath when I said thank-you tonight. I realized in that moment that my search for my JESUS FREAK was over, It was never really gone because it was right there in that room. It wasn't about trying to get back what I thought I lost it was about realizing that God was moving me into a new phase of this journey and in order to move me forward He needed me to see what the FREAK really is. Its the relationships in the community of God that holds no barriers of where you attend church, IF you attend church, what denomination you are. Having my JESUS FREAK back was about the enormity of the spirit of God and that no box can contain it. No rules or doctrine or building. My FREAK was in the connection to people who live this crazy life in ways that inspire and provoke It is found in a room full of people who do not demand perfection from me but demand a life lived full for God even if that looks radically different from theirs My JESUS FREAK is back. Not the way it used to be but the way it is meant to be on this leg of the journey.
I think I may continue this blog as a personal reminder to me of the many ways God is still working on me. Thanks for reading it this year and thanks to everyone who has ever touched my life.
Monday, July 29, 2013
Caged birds
You know when God is nudging you to do something but you pretend its not Him because it doesn't make any sense or truthfully you are a little afraid of the unknown....yeah me too...and then you ignore the nudging for a year and then instead of nudging He wakes you from your sleep and says "Go!".....yeah me too. I ignored God sending me to Notre Dame Mother house for a year, maybe even more and then on my walk the other day I tried to turn down my regular route and the whisper turned into something a little louder and I felt physically unable to turn the corner.That's when I decided to GO! and go I did. A little nervous but knew He was sending me there for some real reason on this JESUS FREAK journey and I better do what He says-it always works out better that way anyway.
Some people may not think of me as someone who hesitates when God speaks to them,i have been pretty bold in this journey of mine but this was different. He was asking me to go to a place that I have spent alot of my life INCLUDING this journey with Jesus "murdering" with my tongue. I have spent alot of time in my relationship with Jesus making it "okay" for me to blast the catholic church and all its traditions in the name of the "right" way to walk with God....how embarrassing this is for me to even write to you.But i need to share this with you because the lessons I was taught on my walk to the convent cut really deeply for me in a great way and I hope like with all of this blog that others can glean something from this journey He has me on.
In my "righteous" "know it all" way I can sometimes be with Jesus, I have created a portrait of Him , a perspective perhaps that He needs to have the same relationship with everyone else like He does with me....oh I am so silly sometimes. I spent 13 years of my life attending catholic school and most of that time disrespecting the catholic faith, traditions and more importantly the people who are dedicated to this faith. Perhaps this has turned into more of a confession than a lesson......perhaps that s what He needs me to do , so hopefully the lesson sinks in....ouch. I used to make fun of the repetitive prayer, the fact that I could repeat every service before the priest did and i really didn't understand those poor woman called nuns who lived this horrible life locked up in those convents like birds in a cage...singing and praying but trapped. I had a grade 10 religion teacher who sent me to spend lots of time in the hallway for my disrespectful remarks in class.One time in particular I remember saying " you people are ridiculous.you torture a guy on a cross and leave him up there bleeding and I am supposed to worship this. Couldn't you come up with a nicer symbol?" Even as I write this I am once again convicted about what I said. Those words still burn. This was one of the things I confessed to God many years ago because I understood without the cross I would not be alive. The funny thing is though I never asked God to forgive the way I disrespected that nun who taught that class, I still held onto my right to think she and her religion was wrong. No wonder almost 10 years later God is still trying to nudge me about it.
When I walked up to the large building on my walk it kinda felt like sitting in the confessional booth again, even though these woman did not know the secrets of what God was trying to teach me that day....sometimes when you are being convicted of something it needs to be so painful that you think everyone can read it on you like a scarlet letter. Sometimes, for me anyway,that's how He has to teach me. I asked if I could walk on the grounds and the sweet nun from behind the desk thanked me for asking and gave me a tag that read "visitor"....I really was a visitor to their faith for this morning. She leaned in a little and whispered to me "there is a little gate at the back of the building, turn right and you will get a glimpse of it. Just lift the lock and go in ...its the jubilee garden." She smiled. I felt like she knew what I needed. I felt like she knew what I did to her, her faith but like in a beautiful Jesus moment she forgave and extended to me a secret place where I could go and be with Him. This will be one of the turning points for me in this journey of mine. A great lesson of grace from God through the very people I "murdered" all those years ago with my tongue.
I started to walk and at first couldn't find that gate until I walked a little further and there it was a little iron gate that opened up to a wonderful Eden, a hidden refuge, an oasis for my soul. I immediately felt a sense of peace as I walked through the gate. I began to see all the beautiful flowers and trees the wind was just a whisper and chipmunks and squirrels were sharing a meal together on the ground and as I looked up I had to sit down.......there above them was 2 cages with birds in them...I know!!! Crazy!! I thought at first that they had just placed the birds outside to get some fresh air ...I don't know..maybe they brought them in when the weather was bad or maybe they are a special kind of outdoor caged bird that I didn't know about.I also saw there was no door on the cage? I sat down....looked up...and saw the birds fly out...it seems the metal on the cage was just wide enough for them to go in between and fly away if they choose to but also so they could choose to enter the cage and sit on the swings and sing..................choose to enter the cage and sit on the swings and sing knowing they could leave whenever they wanted. Immediately after I saw two nuns come into the garden and began to smell the flowers and walk out of the gate into the world. Free to leave if they choose but choosing to come back to sit and sing and pray and praise. Free to love Jesus the way they do, the way they have been called to by God. Even as I write this the tears flood my eyes again..tears of repentance, tears of Joy tears of learning another lesson on this journey with Jesus. It felt like a release of sin from my heart and a removal of that scarlet letter i had carried of judgment.....so painful but so freeing. I stayed in that jubilee garden for hours and soaked in the Lord. I remembered all the things I was taught in Catholic school about prayer and how important repetitive prayer can be when meditating with Jesus, I remembered the commitment these woman make to God and although I may not agree with everything they do or believe it doesn't really matter. We are all here to glean from one another in this big family of God. I now wish for the kind of commitment these woman have and dare i say now pray for God to make me more like them in that aspect.
As i began to walk home I noticed a rock in between the stages of the cross that read."All the works of God proceed slowly and in pain but then their roots are the sturdier and their flowers the lovelier"
Perhaps not caged birds after all but Lovely flowers with sturdy roots. Oh Jesus never stop teaching me and molding me even though it can be painful. Let me enter the cage of your love that protects me but never demands me to stay.
Some people may not think of me as someone who hesitates when God speaks to them,i have been pretty bold in this journey of mine but this was different. He was asking me to go to a place that I have spent alot of my life INCLUDING this journey with Jesus "murdering" with my tongue. I have spent alot of time in my relationship with Jesus making it "okay" for me to blast the catholic church and all its traditions in the name of the "right" way to walk with God....how embarrassing this is for me to even write to you.But i need to share this with you because the lessons I was taught on my walk to the convent cut really deeply for me in a great way and I hope like with all of this blog that others can glean something from this journey He has me on.
In my "righteous" "know it all" way I can sometimes be with Jesus, I have created a portrait of Him , a perspective perhaps that He needs to have the same relationship with everyone else like He does with me....oh I am so silly sometimes. I spent 13 years of my life attending catholic school and most of that time disrespecting the catholic faith, traditions and more importantly the people who are dedicated to this faith. Perhaps this has turned into more of a confession than a lesson......perhaps that s what He needs me to do , so hopefully the lesson sinks in....ouch. I used to make fun of the repetitive prayer, the fact that I could repeat every service before the priest did and i really didn't understand those poor woman called nuns who lived this horrible life locked up in those convents like birds in a cage...singing and praying but trapped. I had a grade 10 religion teacher who sent me to spend lots of time in the hallway for my disrespectful remarks in class.One time in particular I remember saying " you people are ridiculous.you torture a guy on a cross and leave him up there bleeding and I am supposed to worship this. Couldn't you come up with a nicer symbol?" Even as I write this I am once again convicted about what I said. Those words still burn. This was one of the things I confessed to God many years ago because I understood without the cross I would not be alive. The funny thing is though I never asked God to forgive the way I disrespected that nun who taught that class, I still held onto my right to think she and her religion was wrong. No wonder almost 10 years later God is still trying to nudge me about it.
When I walked up to the large building on my walk it kinda felt like sitting in the confessional booth again, even though these woman did not know the secrets of what God was trying to teach me that day....sometimes when you are being convicted of something it needs to be so painful that you think everyone can read it on you like a scarlet letter. Sometimes, for me anyway,that's how He has to teach me. I asked if I could walk on the grounds and the sweet nun from behind the desk thanked me for asking and gave me a tag that read "visitor"....I really was a visitor to their faith for this morning. She leaned in a little and whispered to me "there is a little gate at the back of the building, turn right and you will get a glimpse of it. Just lift the lock and go in ...its the jubilee garden." She smiled. I felt like she knew what I needed. I felt like she knew what I did to her, her faith but like in a beautiful Jesus moment she forgave and extended to me a secret place where I could go and be with Him. This will be one of the turning points for me in this journey of mine. A great lesson of grace from God through the very people I "murdered" all those years ago with my tongue.
I started to walk and at first couldn't find that gate until I walked a little further and there it was a little iron gate that opened up to a wonderful Eden, a hidden refuge, an oasis for my soul. I immediately felt a sense of peace as I walked through the gate. I began to see all the beautiful flowers and trees the wind was just a whisper and chipmunks and squirrels were sharing a meal together on the ground and as I looked up I had to sit down.......there above them was 2 cages with birds in them...I know!!! Crazy!! I thought at first that they had just placed the birds outside to get some fresh air ...I don't know..maybe they brought them in when the weather was bad or maybe they are a special kind of outdoor caged bird that I didn't know about.I also saw there was no door on the cage? I sat down....looked up...and saw the birds fly out...it seems the metal on the cage was just wide enough for them to go in between and fly away if they choose to but also so they could choose to enter the cage and sit on the swings and sing..................choose to enter the cage and sit on the swings and sing knowing they could leave whenever they wanted. Immediately after I saw two nuns come into the garden and began to smell the flowers and walk out of the gate into the world. Free to leave if they choose but choosing to come back to sit and sing and pray and praise. Free to love Jesus the way they do, the way they have been called to by God. Even as I write this the tears flood my eyes again..tears of repentance, tears of Joy tears of learning another lesson on this journey with Jesus. It felt like a release of sin from my heart and a removal of that scarlet letter i had carried of judgment.....so painful but so freeing. I stayed in that jubilee garden for hours and soaked in the Lord. I remembered all the things I was taught in Catholic school about prayer and how important repetitive prayer can be when meditating with Jesus, I remembered the commitment these woman make to God and although I may not agree with everything they do or believe it doesn't really matter. We are all here to glean from one another in this big family of God. I now wish for the kind of commitment these woman have and dare i say now pray for God to make me more like them in that aspect.
As i began to walk home I noticed a rock in between the stages of the cross that read."All the works of God proceed slowly and in pain but then their roots are the sturdier and their flowers the lovelier"
Perhaps not caged birds after all but Lovely flowers with sturdy roots. Oh Jesus never stop teaching me and molding me even though it can be painful. Let me enter the cage of your love that protects me but never demands me to stay.
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Best lesson I ever received in tithing
On this almost 10 year journey since Jesus first collided with my heart I have heard alot of wonderful messages on tithing from many pastors .....today was the best one and it came directly from my friend Murray who thought he was just coming to the mission today for a coffee but Gods plan was so much more than that, but isn't it always.
Tom and I haven't been to "regular church" "corporate church" whatever people call it for a few months now and although it seems strange on this JESUS FREAK journey I would remove myself from church to "hang out" with our friends at the mission on a Sunday that is exactly where God has placed us right now. I often get asked if I feel like we are missing something, I find God is so great at teaching us right now that the messages we need to hear on our journey are right down at 349/351 Barton st east in Hamilton. What a strange place to go to and hear the messages you need but for us right now its exactly where He has placed us.....another blog on all of that later. Right now I want to get back to Murray and share with you his wisdom on tithing.
Murray came in as he always does with much excitement and makes sure you know he is in the room-everyone knows he is there. Murray is loud in voice ,energy and visually with all of his tattoos and piercings and interesting outfits. We love him. Even when its hard...something God says about me everyday. Anyway today he felt it was really important to let me know that he NEEDED to speak to me to day when I wasn't too busy and when the line died down at the coffee I asked what he wanted to talk about. HE said he sat up all night watching a preacher on t.v talk about money and the church, I admit when Murray said that I was a little nervous. Money and the church is most times a touchy subjects for our friends at the mission and I understand why. I listened more as you need to do with Murray as he described to me who the preacher was and how he began to cry when the preacher said to him "Would you rather give it to God or would you rather the devil steal it?" For many of us we could have watched that and thought this t.v evangelist was preying on vulnerable people to get their money and maybe he was but Murray said he spoke to him and who am I to say different. "Helen he said that we need to do things that are hard sometimes so God can fix us and the things that we hold on to.....so do you guys take a\ tithe at your Sunday thing here at RAW?"
I told him we did and when I saw him tomorrow he could give it to me and i would write it down and give him a receipt-he got upset. "Helen I don't need you to write it down i trust you with Gods money and besides we aren't supposed to give it to get something back like taxes and shit just give it that's what the preacher said. I don't want to wait until tomorrow because I know if I do i will spend it and that's what the devil wants."
Murray is on a fixed income. I have seen him in times of homelessness and hunger-sometimes his own doing because of his addiction sometimes not but Murray cant easily part with money and I assumed he was about to give me a toonie or loonie, yes i am embarrassed to say I made that assumption. I have an envelope that now holds $40 with Murray's name on it that he wants to give to God because of all that God has done for him. Murray will not benefit from this via a tax receipt or for some bragging rights he just understands what God spoke to him last night through that preacher. He wasn't done there. Murray saw me outside after his coffee sweeping up the cigarette butts and came rushing out."mrs. Norris Mrs.Norris!!!! If Tom sees you sweating he will be mad at me I will clean up out here." So Murray and I talked more together as he helped sweep up cigarette butts and garbage and crack pipes and dog poop. He taught me about God and His love and how he never gave up on him even when he still messes up. He reminded me that we are not going to heaven because of cleaning the street or the money he gave but just because Jesus died for us. I spent an hour with my friend Murray on the street picking up garbage while he preached to me a beautiful sermon on Gods love for me and the importance of giving up my comfort for His plan. " I gave you that money to let God use it and I know he will. If I don't starve the beast in me it will eat me up inside and one way to starve it Helen is to do something hard for God."
I do miss "regular" church sometimes but right now I am learning so much in my season away from it from some amazing teachers like my friend Murray. God thank-you for reminding me that wisdom from my friend Sharon "WE are the church. If you listen you can hear God everywhere."
Tom and I haven't been to "regular church" "corporate church" whatever people call it for a few months now and although it seems strange on this JESUS FREAK journey I would remove myself from church to "hang out" with our friends at the mission on a Sunday that is exactly where God has placed us right now. I often get asked if I feel like we are missing something, I find God is so great at teaching us right now that the messages we need to hear on our journey are right down at 349/351 Barton st east in Hamilton. What a strange place to go to and hear the messages you need but for us right now its exactly where He has placed us.....another blog on all of that later. Right now I want to get back to Murray and share with you his wisdom on tithing.
Murray came in as he always does with much excitement and makes sure you know he is in the room-everyone knows he is there. Murray is loud in voice ,energy and visually with all of his tattoos and piercings and interesting outfits. We love him. Even when its hard...something God says about me everyday. Anyway today he felt it was really important to let me know that he NEEDED to speak to me to day when I wasn't too busy and when the line died down at the coffee I asked what he wanted to talk about. HE said he sat up all night watching a preacher on t.v talk about money and the church, I admit when Murray said that I was a little nervous. Money and the church is most times a touchy subjects for our friends at the mission and I understand why. I listened more as you need to do with Murray as he described to me who the preacher was and how he began to cry when the preacher said to him "Would you rather give it to God or would you rather the devil steal it?" For many of us we could have watched that and thought this t.v evangelist was preying on vulnerable people to get their money and maybe he was but Murray said he spoke to him and who am I to say different. "Helen he said that we need to do things that are hard sometimes so God can fix us and the things that we hold on to.....so do you guys take a\ tithe at your Sunday thing here at RAW?"
I told him we did and when I saw him tomorrow he could give it to me and i would write it down and give him a receipt-he got upset. "Helen I don't need you to write it down i trust you with Gods money and besides we aren't supposed to give it to get something back like taxes and shit just give it that's what the preacher said. I don't want to wait until tomorrow because I know if I do i will spend it and that's what the devil wants."
Murray is on a fixed income. I have seen him in times of homelessness and hunger-sometimes his own doing because of his addiction sometimes not but Murray cant easily part with money and I assumed he was about to give me a toonie or loonie, yes i am embarrassed to say I made that assumption. I have an envelope that now holds $40 with Murray's name on it that he wants to give to God because of all that God has done for him. Murray will not benefit from this via a tax receipt or for some bragging rights he just understands what God spoke to him last night through that preacher. He wasn't done there. Murray saw me outside after his coffee sweeping up the cigarette butts and came rushing out."mrs. Norris Mrs.Norris!!!! If Tom sees you sweating he will be mad at me I will clean up out here." So Murray and I talked more together as he helped sweep up cigarette butts and garbage and crack pipes and dog poop. He taught me about God and His love and how he never gave up on him even when he still messes up. He reminded me that we are not going to heaven because of cleaning the street or the money he gave but just because Jesus died for us. I spent an hour with my friend Murray on the street picking up garbage while he preached to me a beautiful sermon on Gods love for me and the importance of giving up my comfort for His plan. " I gave you that money to let God use it and I know he will. If I don't starve the beast in me it will eat me up inside and one way to starve it Helen is to do something hard for God."
I do miss "regular" church sometimes but right now I am learning so much in my season away from it from some amazing teachers like my friend Murray. God thank-you for reminding me that wisdom from my friend Sharon "WE are the church. If you listen you can hear God everywhere."
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