The last few years have been pretty difficult, perhaps only magnified by the fact that life seemed to be going pretty good for a while without any major bumps in the road.
I have prayed "Your will be done" many times in my life, pre-Jesus when I said it every morning in Catholic school and post -Jesus when it was what I should say because I was a believer.
Its a pretty bold statement to make, especially to the God of the whole freaking universe but it never occurred to me how bold until my journey brought me to many points in the last few years where the idea of uttering those words seemed to get scarier by the moment. I have been placed in circumstances where that statement of prayer meant so much more than how loosely it fell from my lips many times before. I can honestly say I never really meant "your will be done" what I really meant was "your will be done as long as you don't effect the people, places and things in my life that are important to me" I had come to a point in my journey where I was stepping in to the "religiosity" of my relationship with God, willing to simple provide lip service but not laying everything at his feet. I guess you can get away with that for a while, maybe your whole life I suppose, but when God takes you THROUGH the things in life that shatter you the enormity of your prayers to Him become very real.
I think sometimes when God takes us through something pretty big we figure our turn must be over. Perhaps we think its a test, maybe I don't know, something we pass or fail and then God moves onto the next person in these series of exams in life that we study scripture for in the hopes that when the circumstances present themselves we have enough skill to make a passing grade. We can feel a certain sense of victory in getting through something, a strange sense of pride, a sense that WE were strong enough, with Gods help of course, but nevertheless we made it, our turn was over, time to pray for the next guy......and God definitely let "your will be done" in their life...again the phrase falling so easily from our lips, especially for someones else s life.
When my dad was in ICU a few years back I figured that was my exam that I passed with flying colors! I mean I was in deep spiritual warfare in the hospital room for weeks, quoting scripture, rebuking the enemy,meditating over and over again on scripture and praying over my earthly father for his life to be spared, for good to win over evil for the enemy to know that Jesus is more powerful and for my dad to have another chance to come to know Jesus before his last breath. I was on fire for God! Of course I was, I wanted something more desperately than anything else at that moment I wanted my dads salvation......his life was spared, God gave us a miracle and dad is alive. Praise the Lord, glad that was over, thank-you Jesus....onto the next person who needed to pass their exam. Exhausting, draining but I made it through.....with a relationship with my earthly father that is so much richer than I could have ever imagined before......"your will be done Lord"
Following this exam came a series of exams at the mission that sent me to the point of exhaustion almost every week. Spiritual attacks from every angle, some from within the mission organization and some from outside all that came through the door seeming harmless yet potent enough to cause me to wonder about if my presence there was the problem, I even contemplated quiting, it was a crazy time. It took a while but it was a major process that revealed many things to me about the discernment and wisdom I thought I had and questioned my spiritual warrior skills that I seemed to have in abundance a few months before fighting for my dads salvation. I learned that there are people who can hate you for trying to follow the path God laid out for you, I learned to eventually find a place to grieve in my heart for their anger and to take what I learned about myself in the process to be a better leader as painful as the process was........"your will be done Lord"
I can never find the words to describe the next event to its proper magnitude except to say that if you have ever felt completely lost , hopeless, abandoned and dark you know what I am talking about. When our granddaughter Brooklyn died i felt all of these things and more, not just for myself but for our daughter and son-in-law. I felt betrayed by God and completely detached from the world feeling useless to provide any sense of hope to my little girl and to make any sense out of what happened. I was not willing to accept this as one of the "exams" of life .....this was just unjust, unfair and wrong.....how could we possibly find joy after this.....this cannot be "your will Lord" I cannot love you if it is.
After Brooklyn s celebration of life I noticed my husband seemed to be getting sicker by the day, although he had suffered with crohns disease since childhood he had been relatively okay throughout our marriage and if not strong medications seemed to do the trick...not anymore. As doctors tried their best to figure it out leaving us with different medication attempts, possibilities of Lymphoma and sometimes no answers I began to wonder what it was that i had done to need this kind of "testing" from God. My husband lost his job and then due to his illness was not able to work and surgery would eventually be the answer with difficult recovery ahead... Clearly I had my fair share , I began to hate happiness and joy in the lives of other people, it became more and more difficult to do my job to speak at woman's groups and at retreats to declare the goodness of God for peoples lives and convince them that God is good all the time...I cancelled a few speaking engagements due to a darkness that seemed to come over me.........What was happening?!?!?! I wanted to believe the words in scripture that I was reading, I wanted to really say "your will be done Lord" but I couldn't, I was afraid of what that would mean next for me, for our family.... oh how I wanted to have the courage of Rahab clinging to the promise in her scarlet-colored rope in her window.
A friend invited me out for tea.
I didn't want tea.
She said she needed someone to talk to.
I knew she was lying.
She confessed that she thought it would be good for me too.
I went with a heaviness that felt like a journey of 10 miles to the coffee shop just behind our house.
I ordered a green tea.
I finally confessed to her that I secretly hated green tea.
She asked why I drank it.
I said its supposed to be good for me.
It tasted extra bitter that night.
We talked for a few hours in the that coffee shop, mostly me expressing my frustration although I didn't need to the heaviness I carried was enough for everyone in that coffee shop.
She told me I should start a "thank-you" journal.
I almost left.
She said " sometimes we need to force ourselves to be thankful in the middle of the darkness"
I hated her suggestion.
I went home.
On some blank pages in the middle of an old three-ring notebook I wrote the date, and three things I was thankful for
1. my friendship with her
2.my family
3.Jesus saved my life
I have kept up with this journal and another one about daily inspirations that she also sent me and everyday, through all of these "exams" that seem to pile up I commit to being thankful. As i look back in the journals it reveals to me a reminder of the "exams" I have passed and those I have failed but always a reminder that there is a God who through all of it never leaves me even in times it seems like he has and reminds me of the overflow of abundance he provides like the birth of our second granddaughter Aubrey a week ago, a beautiful reminder of what joy and hope look like.
Being purposeful in reading the Word of God and being thankful has been like a lifeline to me.The enemy likes nothing more than to cloud your vision with darkness just enough so that you have trouble seeing the glimmers of light that still shine.
Last night my husband had a difficult night since his recovery at home with his ileostomy and at 4am it exploded and he was covered in feces and the bed was too. As I washed the sheets and blankets,ran a shower for my husband and cleaned up the carpet where he walked I realized I HAD to be thankful for something in my journal the next day....
It wasn't very hard.
1.Washing machine and dryer in my house
2. water hot and cold
3.prayers answered (because I knew somewhere in this "exam" would be a valuable lesson)
" Your will be done" is something I am trying to say with more and more faith.....Until then I am glad for a friend who forced me to be thankful no matter what and the Word of God that speaks Truth and light in the darkness.
Tuesday, February 24, 2015
Friday, December 5, 2014
Beggars cant be choosers
It was our first Christmas in the apartment above the record store.It was a great place, all new appliances two bedrooms and windows all around! The woman across the hall who didn't have much herself took the time to write Fiona and I a card and she knit a scarf for us. I remember how quickly she introduced herself to me when we moved in a few months ago and she tried to teach me how to knit. The hall wasn't very wide so we often heard what was going on in each others apartments, we could look out for each other, I was so glad it was just Fiona and I so for the first time i didn't fear the neighbors hearing what was going on. Our landlord and his wife brought over a bottle of wine and chocolates to thank us for being great tenants and for the first time in my life I really was. It made me feel so proud that I was finally on the right path. They often commented on how cute Fiona was when they would visit to check on us, always wondering why I never called to ask to fix anything or complain, hey had no idea that there was so much freedom in that apartment I never noticed anything else. Besides we never used the dishwasher,not enough dishes to fill it and the fridge never worked hard enough to break it was usually half empty. But this was going to be the best Christmas ever, just Fiona and me.
Peaceful.
Calm.
Hopeful.
Our little tree, given to us by my Mum and Dad filled out living room and the toys from the Salvation Army Free Christmas store covered the floor. The lights downtown shone through our window and I would watch from the window ledge inside and see all the people shopping from store to store, excited, angry , hurried, joyful and trying to get through the season. I never wanted to season to end. Tasting peace makes you hungry for more and you take a slow deep breath of it and try not to release it until you have let it take over your whole being. The snow falling. The lights. The hope and the peace that I prayed to that God that I didn't know and asked the God I didn't believe in to make it last forever.
I prayed that the bitterness and depression that was so deep in my soul would not find its way back when Christmas was done.
At least for now I could pretend everything was going to be okay eventually. If not for me but for Fiona, she was already so smart even at two years old. She never complained about anything either, already aware that I couldn't handle it. The doorbell rang and Fiona answered it. The guys from the record shop brought up a card for us and asked if everything was okay and wanted to let me know that they would be closed for a few days over Christmas so that's why we wouldn't hear the music playing downstairs. I loved that music, it never annoyed me it reminded me of life that I didn't have to open my door to let in. We had a card for them too signed by Fiona. They of course loved it.
The phone rang and it was my childhood friends mother on the phone asking what Fiona and I really love to eat and what treats we loved. I told her a few things but stopped out of embarrassment that she was going to buy something for us. I was embarrassed that she somehow knew we didn't have the money to buy that kind of stuff, We had the box from the food bank that had lots of food in it, most of it we didn't like but we were grateful just the same. We often re-donated the stuff we didn't eat back to the food bank, some of it wasn't written in a language I understood or was expired already or just really tasted bad. I felt guilty sometimes for not eating it all but it really did taste bad. When you rely on other people to help you in a time of need you are VERY aware of peoples opinions about "people like you" even if they don't say it to your face. I knew people thought I should be grateful for the free food and just eat it whether or not I liked it.I knew I was one of those "beggars who cant be choosers" I knew that more than any person who ever said it to me. The beggar always does, why do we think we need to tell them? She hung up the phone. I felt sick to my stomach like I didn't have the right to ask for good things even though she asked me. I was conditioned to not expect good things because of where my life was at right now. I was a beggar who didn't have the right to choose.
I put Fiona to bed and sat in the quiet of our place looking out the window again. It was marvelous. I would eat all that awful food everyday if I thought this peace could last forever, and if there was just a small amount of the good stuff for Fiona. The doorbell rang again. I answered it but no one was there i saw the door close at the bottom of the stairs from the hall. I looked down and there it was. The most glorious basket of delicious food i had ever seen! I couldn't move it without things falling off of it. I took things in my arms and carried them into the kitchen and went back over and over again until I could carry that basket without spilling it. There was real cheese and brand name crackers! Real fresh fruit and fancy nuts some plain some covered in chocolate! Real milk and brand name cereal! The fancy cookies with sprinkles on them you get in a tin! Fresh buns and lunch meat fresh from a deli! Fancy pickles, boxes of chocolates, mayonnaise and tuna with fresh bread! Fancy soups that you don't add water too, those little oranges that have no seeds! Brand name shampoo and conditioner FULL SIZED and fancy soap and bubble bath for Fiona! A small roast with enough veggies for salad and potatoes with everything to make gravy! I was so overwhelmed as I looked at it and as I filled my fridge i looked in the food bank box that I didn't need to put in the fridge because nothing in it was real food and it occurred to me in that moment that someone thought this beggar COULD be a chooser. They went to the store and picked out the things they would buy for their family and even included extra surprises that we didn't NEED but were such a treat and my heart melted. I couldn't wait to show Fiona in the morning and even snuck some of the goodies myself that night. I couldnt wait to watch her sit on our couch and place her little fingers inside that smarties box that was shaped like a Christmas tree and enjoy every chocolaty moment.
My life did not immediately change after that amazing gift, not for a long time but it is a day I will never forget. I am reminded of that day when donating to a food bank or mission. I am reminded of it when someone is in need and I have the choice to offer my leftovers or something I would never chose to eat or wear myself or whether I understand the God I know now who saved my life on that cross so that I may have and enjoy life to the fullest, if i really understand His gift to me is more precious than anything money can buy. I am called to be like Him to follow his example. Every gift I give should be measured with how much it costs me, I should feel the weight of it because every gift should be seen as precious because every life is precious. Every life, every beggar, all of us....He sent His son to die for all of us beggars who don't deserve His gift but He lets us choose it anyway.
This Christmas please remember that we are all beggars who cant be choosers. Bless those who are in need and make it costly and precious to you. It will scream the gospel message even if you simple ring the bell and walk away. Merry Christmas everyone!
Peaceful.
Calm.
Hopeful.
Our little tree, given to us by my Mum and Dad filled out living room and the toys from the Salvation Army Free Christmas store covered the floor. The lights downtown shone through our window and I would watch from the window ledge inside and see all the people shopping from store to store, excited, angry , hurried, joyful and trying to get through the season. I never wanted to season to end. Tasting peace makes you hungry for more and you take a slow deep breath of it and try not to release it until you have let it take over your whole being. The snow falling. The lights. The hope and the peace that I prayed to that God that I didn't know and asked the God I didn't believe in to make it last forever.
I prayed that the bitterness and depression that was so deep in my soul would not find its way back when Christmas was done.
At least for now I could pretend everything was going to be okay eventually. If not for me but for Fiona, she was already so smart even at two years old. She never complained about anything either, already aware that I couldn't handle it. The doorbell rang and Fiona answered it. The guys from the record shop brought up a card for us and asked if everything was okay and wanted to let me know that they would be closed for a few days over Christmas so that's why we wouldn't hear the music playing downstairs. I loved that music, it never annoyed me it reminded me of life that I didn't have to open my door to let in. We had a card for them too signed by Fiona. They of course loved it.
The phone rang and it was my childhood friends mother on the phone asking what Fiona and I really love to eat and what treats we loved. I told her a few things but stopped out of embarrassment that she was going to buy something for us. I was embarrassed that she somehow knew we didn't have the money to buy that kind of stuff, We had the box from the food bank that had lots of food in it, most of it we didn't like but we were grateful just the same. We often re-donated the stuff we didn't eat back to the food bank, some of it wasn't written in a language I understood or was expired already or just really tasted bad. I felt guilty sometimes for not eating it all but it really did taste bad. When you rely on other people to help you in a time of need you are VERY aware of peoples opinions about "people like you" even if they don't say it to your face. I knew people thought I should be grateful for the free food and just eat it whether or not I liked it.I knew I was one of those "beggars who cant be choosers" I knew that more than any person who ever said it to me. The beggar always does, why do we think we need to tell them? She hung up the phone. I felt sick to my stomach like I didn't have the right to ask for good things even though she asked me. I was conditioned to not expect good things because of where my life was at right now. I was a beggar who didn't have the right to choose.
I put Fiona to bed and sat in the quiet of our place looking out the window again. It was marvelous. I would eat all that awful food everyday if I thought this peace could last forever, and if there was just a small amount of the good stuff for Fiona. The doorbell rang again. I answered it but no one was there i saw the door close at the bottom of the stairs from the hall. I looked down and there it was. The most glorious basket of delicious food i had ever seen! I couldn't move it without things falling off of it. I took things in my arms and carried them into the kitchen and went back over and over again until I could carry that basket without spilling it. There was real cheese and brand name crackers! Real fresh fruit and fancy nuts some plain some covered in chocolate! Real milk and brand name cereal! The fancy cookies with sprinkles on them you get in a tin! Fresh buns and lunch meat fresh from a deli! Fancy pickles, boxes of chocolates, mayonnaise and tuna with fresh bread! Fancy soups that you don't add water too, those little oranges that have no seeds! Brand name shampoo and conditioner FULL SIZED and fancy soap and bubble bath for Fiona! A small roast with enough veggies for salad and potatoes with everything to make gravy! I was so overwhelmed as I looked at it and as I filled my fridge i looked in the food bank box that I didn't need to put in the fridge because nothing in it was real food and it occurred to me in that moment that someone thought this beggar COULD be a chooser. They went to the store and picked out the things they would buy for their family and even included extra surprises that we didn't NEED but were such a treat and my heart melted. I couldn't wait to show Fiona in the morning and even snuck some of the goodies myself that night. I couldnt wait to watch her sit on our couch and place her little fingers inside that smarties box that was shaped like a Christmas tree and enjoy every chocolaty moment.
My life did not immediately change after that amazing gift, not for a long time but it is a day I will never forget. I am reminded of that day when donating to a food bank or mission. I am reminded of it when someone is in need and I have the choice to offer my leftovers or something I would never chose to eat or wear myself or whether I understand the God I know now who saved my life on that cross so that I may have and enjoy life to the fullest, if i really understand His gift to me is more precious than anything money can buy. I am called to be like Him to follow his example. Every gift I give should be measured with how much it costs me, I should feel the weight of it because every gift should be seen as precious because every life is precious. Every life, every beggar, all of us....He sent His son to die for all of us beggars who don't deserve His gift but He lets us choose it anyway.
This Christmas please remember that we are all beggars who cant be choosers. Bless those who are in need and make it costly and precious to you. It will scream the gospel message even if you simple ring the bell and walk away. Merry Christmas everyone!
Sunday, November 9, 2014
Asking the hard question...
SO often over the years I have spoken to people about the mission and the one thing that has always been difficult for me is asking for financial support. Part of the reason has been because I don't want to bother people, I am afraid of the response and because I worried that relying on asking human beings might make it seem like I don't believe that Gods got it covered. It may sound silly but its the truth.
We are entering a season where people will be receiving ALOT of letters in the mail, commercials on T.V and phone calls too asking for them to help out for the Christmas season and I was truly afraid to be another one of those annoyances. I was planning a letter to send out on behalf of the mission to our supporters and feeling sick to my stomach about doing it. I don't want it to be about the money........until it hit me last night during my time of prayer........It actually is about the money.
Ouch.
11 years ago I was at a cross roads in my life. Severe depression had set in , layers of unforgiveness, guilt, fear and confusion. Not too many years before that I was living on welfare with my daughter, using food vouchers at the grocery store and celebrating Christmas with the help of organizations like HHSM. I understood that I was miserable in my poverty because I never had enough money to make me happy. When I ended up with a house in suburbia, a car, credit cards, food from the grocery store and the ability to go on trips I couldn't figure out why the money wasn't making me happier, in fact wondered why I was more depressed than ever before. Until I was introduced to Jesus Christ I didn't understand that the world was telling me a lie. Stuff could never make me happier and the darkness I felt could never be wiped away with money or things but only with making Jesus Christ my Lord and saviour. When the mission was born soon after that it was out of a sense that I wanted to let more people know about this Jesus who saved my life and even though we brought blankets to hand out too because the goal was to tell the people who wouldn't be invited to the church, people on the street it was never about the stuff. Even though the mission has now grown from the outreach 11 years ago to the free store and program center it still isn't about he stuff. People need tangible things to help make it through sometimes to the next day BUT without the love of Jesus Christ the point is entirely lost.
I believe in relationship building and really finding out the needs of people in order to help others LIVE and not just exist in the world, something alot of us do rich and poor, just exist surviving from one day to the next, one client to the next, one business deal to the next, one vacation to the next, one house to the next.
I believe the mission does a really great job, not perfect but a great job at loving our friends in the beautiful mess of life. We have seen lives changed not because of the free stuff but because Jesus is who he says he is. We have out grown our space due to the amount of people coming to the program center and being resourced from other agencies to the store. Our partnerships with other services in the city and having them come to our CHIPP ( Community Health Illness Prevention Program) has caused a ground well of activity and made huge differences with our friends finding the resources that suit their personal needs and start them on a road to success. That success may be a job, recovery from addiction and sometimes its just to successfully get out of the house that day to come and be with people and enjoy a cup of coffee.
I know we cant continue to freely open the doors to whomever stops by with asking for financial help. I know I cannot keep telling amazing stories of lives changed and connections made and community built without asking for the hardest thing to ask for....MONEY. I know the dream and very close possibility to a building to help accommodate our friends cannot become even a larger conversation without the help of donors. I know the exciting conversations I have about Helping Hands Street Mission cannot continue without the realization of meeting a growing budget due to increase in rent, increased supplies and the need for more infrastructure.
I still believe in a God who starts something and sees it through. I still believe the most important thing we can do is tell people about the saving power of Jesus Christ. I also know that by saying that I have already lost some of you, but that's okay, the mission exists only because of that truth.
The mission is in a place where it is in need of financial help and that is just a fact. I know it comes at a time when everyone is asking and i Know there are lots of places your money can go that are worthy causes. I guess what I am asking is that if over the years you have been touched by the stories of our friends at the mission and how hard our team of volunteers work we are asking for your help and yes we are asking for money. Ouch.
That's hard for me to say but the reality is with all the wonderful things that have happened over the last 11 years we have needed money to do it and we would like to do more of it. Please take the time to prayerfully consider a financial donation to the mission and I want to thank all those who faithfully support us on a monthly basis through direct deposit, credit card or though choosing us as a designation at work when your work decided to match it and to those who quietly place a cheque in the mail or cash in an envelope and pass it along down on Barton st. Thank-you for helping us these last 11 years.
God is stretching me to do what is difficult and I have been here before and it doesn't get any easier. I still believe in a God whose "got it covered" but i know he uses all of us because His plans are to connect us in helping to create a piece of "on earth as it is in heaven" together.
I never knew where God was going to take my heart when we went out that first night to give out a blanket and talk about Jesus and I don't know where He plans to take us next ( although I do have some dreams) but I am grateful everyday for a God who can take a broken, messed up girl and use her to make a small difference in the lives of those He loves. I am grateful that He sees no life as forever lost one but an opportunity to grow community in going to find them.
From the depths of my heart I thank-you .
If you want to know more about Helping Hands Street Mission please go to :
www.hhsmhamilton.com
We are entering a season where people will be receiving ALOT of letters in the mail, commercials on T.V and phone calls too asking for them to help out for the Christmas season and I was truly afraid to be another one of those annoyances. I was planning a letter to send out on behalf of the mission to our supporters and feeling sick to my stomach about doing it. I don't want it to be about the money........until it hit me last night during my time of prayer........It actually is about the money.
Ouch.
11 years ago I was at a cross roads in my life. Severe depression had set in , layers of unforgiveness, guilt, fear and confusion. Not too many years before that I was living on welfare with my daughter, using food vouchers at the grocery store and celebrating Christmas with the help of organizations like HHSM. I understood that I was miserable in my poverty because I never had enough money to make me happy. When I ended up with a house in suburbia, a car, credit cards, food from the grocery store and the ability to go on trips I couldn't figure out why the money wasn't making me happier, in fact wondered why I was more depressed than ever before. Until I was introduced to Jesus Christ I didn't understand that the world was telling me a lie. Stuff could never make me happier and the darkness I felt could never be wiped away with money or things but only with making Jesus Christ my Lord and saviour. When the mission was born soon after that it was out of a sense that I wanted to let more people know about this Jesus who saved my life and even though we brought blankets to hand out too because the goal was to tell the people who wouldn't be invited to the church, people on the street it was never about the stuff. Even though the mission has now grown from the outreach 11 years ago to the free store and program center it still isn't about he stuff. People need tangible things to help make it through sometimes to the next day BUT without the love of Jesus Christ the point is entirely lost.
I believe in relationship building and really finding out the needs of people in order to help others LIVE and not just exist in the world, something alot of us do rich and poor, just exist surviving from one day to the next, one client to the next, one business deal to the next, one vacation to the next, one house to the next.
I believe the mission does a really great job, not perfect but a great job at loving our friends in the beautiful mess of life. We have seen lives changed not because of the free stuff but because Jesus is who he says he is. We have out grown our space due to the amount of people coming to the program center and being resourced from other agencies to the store. Our partnerships with other services in the city and having them come to our CHIPP ( Community Health Illness Prevention Program) has caused a ground well of activity and made huge differences with our friends finding the resources that suit their personal needs and start them on a road to success. That success may be a job, recovery from addiction and sometimes its just to successfully get out of the house that day to come and be with people and enjoy a cup of coffee.
I know we cant continue to freely open the doors to whomever stops by with asking for financial help. I know I cannot keep telling amazing stories of lives changed and connections made and community built without asking for the hardest thing to ask for....MONEY. I know the dream and very close possibility to a building to help accommodate our friends cannot become even a larger conversation without the help of donors. I know the exciting conversations I have about Helping Hands Street Mission cannot continue without the realization of meeting a growing budget due to increase in rent, increased supplies and the need for more infrastructure.
I still believe in a God who starts something and sees it through. I still believe the most important thing we can do is tell people about the saving power of Jesus Christ. I also know that by saying that I have already lost some of you, but that's okay, the mission exists only because of that truth.
The mission is in a place where it is in need of financial help and that is just a fact. I know it comes at a time when everyone is asking and i Know there are lots of places your money can go that are worthy causes. I guess what I am asking is that if over the years you have been touched by the stories of our friends at the mission and how hard our team of volunteers work we are asking for your help and yes we are asking for money. Ouch.
That's hard for me to say but the reality is with all the wonderful things that have happened over the last 11 years we have needed money to do it and we would like to do more of it. Please take the time to prayerfully consider a financial donation to the mission and I want to thank all those who faithfully support us on a monthly basis through direct deposit, credit card or though choosing us as a designation at work when your work decided to match it and to those who quietly place a cheque in the mail or cash in an envelope and pass it along down on Barton st. Thank-you for helping us these last 11 years.
God is stretching me to do what is difficult and I have been here before and it doesn't get any easier. I still believe in a God whose "got it covered" but i know he uses all of us because His plans are to connect us in helping to create a piece of "on earth as it is in heaven" together.
I never knew where God was going to take my heart when we went out that first night to give out a blanket and talk about Jesus and I don't know where He plans to take us next ( although I do have some dreams) but I am grateful everyday for a God who can take a broken, messed up girl and use her to make a small difference in the lives of those He loves. I am grateful that He sees no life as forever lost one but an opportunity to grow community in going to find them.
From the depths of my heart I thank-you .
If you want to know more about Helping Hands Street Mission please go to :
www.hhsmhamilton.com
Saturday, November 1, 2014
Fake it till you make it
To say I was nervous was completely understated.
I was more like terrified.
Seriously .
Like full on throw up what am I doing here terrified.
My mum would say "sometimes you just need to fake it till you make it" and right at that moment I was totally living in the middle of that advice.
I had all my notes that I had prepared for months, all my paperclips keeping my bible pages separate and the best clothes I could muster out of my closet. I set up the computer with my fancy PowerPoint ready to go and looked out at the empty seats that were about to be filled by mothers and daughters eager to hear something wonderful from the main speaker at the retreat they paid money to be at. This was day one and would totally determine the flow of the whole weekend and also determine whether or not some might sleep in the next two days to avoid listening to the speaker.
I thought about the irony that I was the speaker at one of these events. I certainly wasn't the greatest daughter in the world in fact I am sure most of my mothers sleepless nights with me were not in my infancy but rather from the ages of 14-29. Then when the pendulum is moved to my mothering skills to say the very least they were lacking and came from a place of trying to repair rather than laying foundations. These thoughts certainly didn't escape my mind in fact they consumed it as I drove with my daughter up north.
The enemy really had me in a place where he could do some serious damage and he worked overtime for those few hours that Friday afternoon. Quietly whispering in my mind. Going over and over again the times when I failed in both the mother of the year and daughter of the year categories.Listing all the things that I was not qualified to do by the worlds standards.
Now before I receive emails quoting scripture about being new in Christ I was way ahead of you on that. In fact the irony was that I was teaching on this very topic, God our potter, the work of his hands, new in Christ. I had read those scriptures over and over again for months......its amazing how the enemy can still get in though isn't it.
As they started to flood in I began to shake and prayed silently to God for comfort and wisdom and to stop me from telling bad jokes. The 20 minutes went by pretty fast and I laid the ground work for the weekend, including reminding them that I was NOT an expert on Mother/daughter relationships and they left the building. I would have to wait for feedback tomorrow, if I was ever going to get some. I went back to my room and looked at my cell phone. My husband who was at home feeling very sick ( some more guilt for the weekend) sent me a text that said, " Praying for your day.Remember if the Lord put it on your heart speak it. It is all about Him not what people think. Love you princess very proud of you xo." Exactly what I needed and was something confirmed by my friend who was there for the weekend who said " your not here to make friends but you are here to teach Gods word". When the enemy is all you hear you need to have back up in the army of faith to help you fight and with those two words of confirmation I had victory!
The rest of that weekend was amazing! Not only did the next three sessions of speaking start with no thought to throwing up but were met with amazing conversations with other mothers about similar feelings with their daughters. I laughed with them and their girls and enjoyed amazing moments with my daughter too. God gave me moments to speak into the lives of woman who were feeling some of the very things i was and gave me His wisdom to share.One of the greatest compliments I received that weekend was from a wonderful 12 year old girl who said " Helen your funny and I like the way you talk. You don't use those big words so I can understand what you are saying. I like that. Thank you" It took my breath away. God knows what message we need to hear when we struggle. I always wonder if people will take me seriously when I teach because I don't use or understand big theological words. I simply give the message as God gives it to me in the hopes that others will hear it too because the simplicity of the Word is what saved my life. My gift is not how intelligent I am, how much scripture I have memorized or what letters I have after my name. My gift is speaking. Speaking the simplicity of the Word of God in the hopes that EVERYONE will understand because I believe that's exactly how Jesus did it and asks us to share it.
Before this weekend I had never done a retreat weekend as a main speaker.I have told my testimony alot and talked alot about the mission but never before was I given this opportunity I was so grateful for it so I could keep going on this journey with God and taking the next step in what He has prepared for me. My calling isn't in what many people think it is . For the last 12 years God has placed me in places and spaces to learn in a way I could have never learned in school but God is a God of seasons. I know it would make many people comfortable to have me remain where I am doing what they think I should do but God has plans for me that are bigger than even I can see.
"Fake it till you make it" might really be true when God is apart of the process. To the world my entire resume and background leads not to the the place I am in now , only God can do that.In fact for the purposes of the job I was doing that weekend my resume made me look like a fake. Only God can put you in the spaces and places that make no sense to anyone else. Only he can take someone with a background like mine, an education that the world says "doesn't qualify" and experiences with people who the world sees as "less than them" and put me on a journey like this.
Never allow what the world says stop you from doing what God has called you to do. He will equip you and qualify you in a way the world never could.
I was more like terrified.
Seriously .
Like full on throw up what am I doing here terrified.
My mum would say "sometimes you just need to fake it till you make it" and right at that moment I was totally living in the middle of that advice.
I had all my notes that I had prepared for months, all my paperclips keeping my bible pages separate and the best clothes I could muster out of my closet. I set up the computer with my fancy PowerPoint ready to go and looked out at the empty seats that were about to be filled by mothers and daughters eager to hear something wonderful from the main speaker at the retreat they paid money to be at. This was day one and would totally determine the flow of the whole weekend and also determine whether or not some might sleep in the next two days to avoid listening to the speaker.
I thought about the irony that I was the speaker at one of these events. I certainly wasn't the greatest daughter in the world in fact I am sure most of my mothers sleepless nights with me were not in my infancy but rather from the ages of 14-29. Then when the pendulum is moved to my mothering skills to say the very least they were lacking and came from a place of trying to repair rather than laying foundations. These thoughts certainly didn't escape my mind in fact they consumed it as I drove with my daughter up north.
The enemy really had me in a place where he could do some serious damage and he worked overtime for those few hours that Friday afternoon. Quietly whispering in my mind. Going over and over again the times when I failed in both the mother of the year and daughter of the year categories.Listing all the things that I was not qualified to do by the worlds standards.
Now before I receive emails quoting scripture about being new in Christ I was way ahead of you on that. In fact the irony was that I was teaching on this very topic, God our potter, the work of his hands, new in Christ. I had read those scriptures over and over again for months......its amazing how the enemy can still get in though isn't it.
As they started to flood in I began to shake and prayed silently to God for comfort and wisdom and to stop me from telling bad jokes. The 20 minutes went by pretty fast and I laid the ground work for the weekend, including reminding them that I was NOT an expert on Mother/daughter relationships and they left the building. I would have to wait for feedback tomorrow, if I was ever going to get some. I went back to my room and looked at my cell phone. My husband who was at home feeling very sick ( some more guilt for the weekend) sent me a text that said, " Praying for your day.Remember if the Lord put it on your heart speak it. It is all about Him not what people think. Love you princess very proud of you xo." Exactly what I needed and was something confirmed by my friend who was there for the weekend who said " your not here to make friends but you are here to teach Gods word". When the enemy is all you hear you need to have back up in the army of faith to help you fight and with those two words of confirmation I had victory!
The rest of that weekend was amazing! Not only did the next three sessions of speaking start with no thought to throwing up but were met with amazing conversations with other mothers about similar feelings with their daughters. I laughed with them and their girls and enjoyed amazing moments with my daughter too. God gave me moments to speak into the lives of woman who were feeling some of the very things i was and gave me His wisdom to share.One of the greatest compliments I received that weekend was from a wonderful 12 year old girl who said " Helen your funny and I like the way you talk. You don't use those big words so I can understand what you are saying. I like that. Thank you" It took my breath away. God knows what message we need to hear when we struggle. I always wonder if people will take me seriously when I teach because I don't use or understand big theological words. I simply give the message as God gives it to me in the hopes that others will hear it too because the simplicity of the Word is what saved my life. My gift is not how intelligent I am, how much scripture I have memorized or what letters I have after my name. My gift is speaking. Speaking the simplicity of the Word of God in the hopes that EVERYONE will understand because I believe that's exactly how Jesus did it and asks us to share it.
Before this weekend I had never done a retreat weekend as a main speaker.I have told my testimony alot and talked alot about the mission but never before was I given this opportunity I was so grateful for it so I could keep going on this journey with God and taking the next step in what He has prepared for me. My calling isn't in what many people think it is . For the last 12 years God has placed me in places and spaces to learn in a way I could have never learned in school but God is a God of seasons. I know it would make many people comfortable to have me remain where I am doing what they think I should do but God has plans for me that are bigger than even I can see.
"Fake it till you make it" might really be true when God is apart of the process. To the world my entire resume and background leads not to the the place I am in now , only God can do that.In fact for the purposes of the job I was doing that weekend my resume made me look like a fake. Only God can put you in the spaces and places that make no sense to anyone else. Only he can take someone with a background like mine, an education that the world says "doesn't qualify" and experiences with people who the world sees as "less than them" and put me on a journey like this.
Never allow what the world says stop you from doing what God has called you to do. He will equip you and qualify you in a way the world never could.
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
Santa, Condoms and other "sins" of ministry
Being in Christian ministry over the last 11 years has been an interesting journey. I remember reading all the great books on the topic when i first started wanting to soak in all the knowledge of those who had gone before me. I remember listening intently to preachers and teachers who talked about the subject and longing to meet the list of criteria for outreach to the poor and evangelising to the "marginalized". I was so on fire for Jesus and wanted to be so careful to not disappoint him, but in secret I was truly afraid of this new community of people who seemed to really know what God wanted and were eager to give me guidelines on the best way to "draw people to the Lord" "reach out to the poor". I realized pretty quickly that although some of the advice I heard and read about worked but alot of it didn't. I soon realized that some of the "advise" was merely a way of separating myself from the community I used to be apart of myself and instead of drawing people to Jesus I was really drawing a line in the sand between us with a silent message of "if you come over hear and do all the right things Jesus can save you" " If you stop doing all those unholy things that God hates then he will love you" I longed for people to meet the Jesus I met a few weeks earlier but that Jesus started to fade away in a lot of rules that I didn't remember hearing the day I welcomed Jesus into my heart. He said "I love you, come follow me" that's it, that's all and I was determined to walk with people and introduce them to my new friend, my savior who didn't wait until I was doing anything right in fact met me right in the middle of all the mess.
Over the years the way I have chosen to reach out to people has come in to question. Here are just a few of my Favorite "sins of ministry";
1. PROBLEM: Not checking I.D and proof of income when people come to our free clothing store. Apparently the problem with this practice is that I am not making sure its only REALLY poor people who come to the ministry-what if someone who can really afford a pair of pants comes in there and takes it?!?! What if we are being taken advantage of?! What if there will be nothing left for those REALLY poor people who we re trying to minister to and tell them about Jesus!?!?!
First of all we aren't giving away free clothing just so those REALLY poor people have a pair of pants to wear, if that's what you think we are doing then I understand your frustration. Its important to provide for the tangible needs of those in poverty BUT if you have never been in a situation yourself of having to go into a food bank or clothing bank it is so much more than a means to an end it is a part of how you measure yourself based on how you are treated when you are there. Its about having to say out loud to one more person " I am poor enough for your free stuff" " I am here again this month because my situation hasn't changed" We wanted people, anyone to come to shop for clothing and choose what they wanted, whenever they needed to, and to be free to have one place in their life where why they were there didn't matter but simply how can we help and what are your ideas for making this resource a benefit to others. Oh and those rich people who come and take even though they can afford it, we love them too and realize that sometimes their needs are much greater than our friends who are lacking in material needs. We hope that everyone who comes asks the same questions though," what is this place and why are you here?" so both can hear about Jesus for the first time, be reintroduced again or share their journey with Jesus with all of us. P.S God knows what we need, so an extra pair of pants leaving isn't going to throw off His game.
2. PROBLEM : Santa. Yes I said it Santa. That evil man in the red suit who steals the joy of Christmas from Jesus......of course I am kidding but you would be surprised how upset Christians get when you tell them that you are offering free pictures with Santa to people at Christmastime at a Christian Ministry! Well we do and we have been doing it every year for the last 5 years in partnership with an amazing Photographer,and one of our friends who owns a red suit and has the belly to fill it. I know this may come as a shock to you but the love of Jesus can still be found there. Its found in the heart of the photographer who quietly donates her time and equipment to spend the day shooting, pays for the prints that go to the individuals and families and even takes the time to personalize a folder for the photo because she believes it should look just as great as the one you pay for at the mall. Its found in the community of people who forget about picture day and then run around letting all their neighbours know the free Santa pictures are today because they want to share with the community,its even in the grumpy old guy who happens to own the red suit because its his way of giving back to the mission every year and feels like he is doing something good. Its in watching people in tears thanking us for something they just cant squeeze into their budget at an already difficult time and ask the familiar question of "why do you guys do this for free? You could take a little bit of money even to help raise funds for this place." Getting to talk to them about a Gods love that is free that doesn't make sense either is a really great conversation. Jesus finds his way even through the evil guy in the red suit.
3: PROBLEM :Condoms.This is not a typo. One of the very first push-backs I got on this was in year one of the store opening up and having an older lady stand outside the doors just watching me, at least I thought thats what she was doing, she was really staring at the bowl of free condoms we have on the desk. After about 10 minutes she stepped into the store and said "are you a Christian?" I said " I try to be" She said "is this a Christian organization?" I said " I think so" She grabbed the bowl and shook it and said " you are not a Christian with this on your desk" and with that she angrily walked away. I was too busy to follow her but that was probably a good thing since it was early in my walk with Jesus and I most likely wouldn't have responded appropriately. Our ministry is located at the corner of Barton and Emerald st in Hamilton. We have a large concentration of woman and some men who are risking their lives in the sex trade. They were there before we put the condoms on the desk, the condoms didn't introduce them to prostitution or entice them to enter it. The condoms are there because we value their life as much as anyone else's and more than that we value the lives of those men who come from outside the city to "purchase" sex and we also value the lives of the wives of these men who are often unsuspecting victims in the choices their husbands make. Some of these men are Christians, broken people, just like the rest of us but certainly not "dirty men from the underbelly of the city" they are coming from the backyards and churches of many who question our distribution of condoms at the mission. I believe part of my job as a believer is to allow God to work in me to show his love and introduce them to Jesus, I would like for there to be time to do that, I would like for my friends to not get so sick with a disease they will die of before we get that chance.
Just this past weekend I was reminded how Jesus can work even through condoms on the desk. Nine years ago I would watch a woman strung out on drugs across the street from the mission sell her self day after day. One day she walked by and saw that we had condoms so she grabbed some and swore at me and left. She kept coming back for condoms and eventually stepped in further to grab a coffee and a cookie and would swear at us and leave. Then eventually she stepped in even further to get a fresh set of clothes and hygiene products and yell at us some more. When we wouldn't stop loving her she started to let us into her life, time went on, she taught us alot , hopefully we did that too and she got herself clean with the help of other Jesus loving people and was Baptized on Sunday into the family of God. She is clean now and doesn't work the streets but she does volunteer with us and part of her ministry is letting her friends from the street know about a place that loves them because Jesus loved them first, and inviting them in with the lure of condoms to protect them physically, coffee and snack to fill their stomachs and a place to get to know this Jesus who loves them right now, where they are in the middle of their mess because that's where he found her.
God created the whole freaking universe. He has worked though imperfection since the day he created the earth and He is more powerful than any of our list of rules and laws of ministry. My God can work through the many "sins of ministry" I will continue to commit for many years to come.
Thursday, August 14, 2014
Changing my tires
I believe this is my year to step out again in faith, but my JESUS FREAK is all the way down there......at the bottom and I am on the edge of my cliff looking at it. I still see it I know it is there, I just cant seem to reach it right now. I know I need to. I know I need to STEP OUT STEP UP ...but that's really hard when you feel like life has you on the edge of a cliff.
I have experienced some serious moments with God in my life, these moments that are happiest are the ones I referred best to as JESUS FREAK moments and I think I am absolutely wrong about that now. I blogged about being on fire for God, shouting his praises and being bold for him with your JESUS FREAK but the truth is it is easy to refer to those moments when they surround times of triumph or moments of expectation, clarity. If all of the best moments are JESUS FREAK moments then the conclusion must be that all of the other moments are NOT and if they are not JESUS FREAK moments, moments where I am alive in Christ and telling everyone about it,or anticipating victory in Him, then what then does that make every other moment in my life ? The times that are filled with so many more moments of despair, anguish, loss, set back and confusion? Who do these times belong to? If they do not belong to GOD then the answer must be that these times I have given up to the enemy, I have allowed him to take ownership of a piece of my life, I have surrendered my FREAK to him.....oh how he must rejoice in that......oh how he must rejoice.........even if they are simply moments...oh how he must rejoice...
We never plan on giving any of ourselves to him, we say the right things, we comfort others with the words of God, we pray the prayers that reject the enemies hold in our lives, we live a life that we think is good, we place all the check marks necessary on our "Christian" notepads in life. It was never my plan to give up the victory promised to me by God, no never the plan.....so how did I get here to this moment? Did he sneak in and steal it from under my feet? Was it while I was sleeping? Was it while life was moving and I moved with it in a state of assumption and void of spirit? The truth is I don't think he did any of that, oh how I wish I could blame him.........nothing can be stolen that you don't decide first to give away. I didn't wake up one day and decide to hand over my FREAK to the enemy but I did it just the same. I don't know exactly when, i thought I had triumphed over the worst time of my life this year but maybe that wasn't triumph at all but a moment of hanging on...oh surviving the battle I can do, its the pieces of yourself that get left behind that can create the wound and start the slow release, like the slow release of a tire that you don't even know is there until your tire gets so low you need to pull over and repair it or sometimes replace it altogether.
I had a flat tire once on my car so flat that when I went to drive it made a noise and caused my vehicle to stop going straight but caused me to have to grip the steering wheel alot little harder until I could find a safe place to pull over. I was with my husband that night and he happen to be in the vehicle in front of me so I was able to call him to turn around and help, he knows more about flat tires and vehicles than I do .He looked at it, wondered how I didn't notice it before I got in the car a really great question and the truth is I just got in, I assumed everything was as it was when I drove there....I took it for granted that my tires were the same even though I did nothing to make sure that they were, no maintenance certainly that was a job for my husband to do a responsibility for someone else and no spare-why would I need one I never needed one before. He managed to drive it to a gas station that was very close and put some air in to hopefully get us home and we drove to the garage and got a new tire, it seems this one had a hole, small hole but it had been leaking for sometime.
I realize my faith is exactly like that tire. I have been driving along enjoying the journey, not perfect but all the low moments for me in the last almost 11 years were certainly balanced out with amazing JESUS FREAK moments........moments I think I may have took for granted.....no I am sure I have...I assumed that with each little bump a big triumph would certainly come because that s been the journey for me so far so why not keep doing what I always did....I didn't notice that my faith was getting flat well before I noticed that I was now looking down at my FREAK from the edge of this cliff like it got flat somewhere and fell off and I didn't even notice.I realize I had taken my faith for granted and just assumed Jesus would fill me up on a regular basis, or better yet someone else in my life a pastor a mentor, with no real extra maintenance from me. No thought to re-evaluate my responsibility in the journey to look at where I was at long enough to notice the slow leak. I had been gripping my steering wheel so hard I am exhausted daily and wondering why ....I need to find a safe place to pull over and go to the guy who knows more about FLAT FAITH then anyone.....As I look down today from the edge of that cliff I see who is waiting for me to bring myself down and stop trying to climb up when part of me needs changing. I want to climb back down and reevaluate where I am at and not simply do all the things I have always done. I want to recommit myself to the one who knows the ins and outs of my spirit and to remind me that the journey He has for me is not one of JESUS FREAK moments that I assume I should always have with a few small bumps along the way but sometimes a season of complete disaster that can only be dealt with by changing the tires on my FLAT FAITH.
I want to stop asking for God to raise me up higher when I am only willing to put in the same kind of work that I did to get to the place I am at right now.
I am tired of riding with a slow leak and not taking the time to look....I am going to take back any of the pieces of my life,any of the FREAK that I handed to the enemy and I am going to use it all on this incredible JESUS FREAK journey to rise to the place God is calling me to.
God is calling you to a place that's higher.....go and make the changes necessary to get there....pick up the new tools that you will need to get there and if necessary change your tires.
I have experienced some serious moments with God in my life, these moments that are happiest are the ones I referred best to as JESUS FREAK moments and I think I am absolutely wrong about that now. I blogged about being on fire for God, shouting his praises and being bold for him with your JESUS FREAK but the truth is it is easy to refer to those moments when they surround times of triumph or moments of expectation, clarity. If all of the best moments are JESUS FREAK moments then the conclusion must be that all of the other moments are NOT and if they are not JESUS FREAK moments, moments where I am alive in Christ and telling everyone about it,or anticipating victory in Him, then what then does that make every other moment in my life ? The times that are filled with so many more moments of despair, anguish, loss, set back and confusion? Who do these times belong to? If they do not belong to GOD then the answer must be that these times I have given up to the enemy, I have allowed him to take ownership of a piece of my life, I have surrendered my FREAK to him.....oh how he must rejoice in that......oh how he must rejoice.........even if they are simply moments...oh how he must rejoice...
We never plan on giving any of ourselves to him, we say the right things, we comfort others with the words of God, we pray the prayers that reject the enemies hold in our lives, we live a life that we think is good, we place all the check marks necessary on our "Christian" notepads in life. It was never my plan to give up the victory promised to me by God, no never the plan.....so how did I get here to this moment? Did he sneak in and steal it from under my feet? Was it while I was sleeping? Was it while life was moving and I moved with it in a state of assumption and void of spirit? The truth is I don't think he did any of that, oh how I wish I could blame him.........nothing can be stolen that you don't decide first to give away. I didn't wake up one day and decide to hand over my FREAK to the enemy but I did it just the same. I don't know exactly when, i thought I had triumphed over the worst time of my life this year but maybe that wasn't triumph at all but a moment of hanging on...oh surviving the battle I can do, its the pieces of yourself that get left behind that can create the wound and start the slow release, like the slow release of a tire that you don't even know is there until your tire gets so low you need to pull over and repair it or sometimes replace it altogether.
I had a flat tire once on my car so flat that when I went to drive it made a noise and caused my vehicle to stop going straight but caused me to have to grip the steering wheel alot little harder until I could find a safe place to pull over. I was with my husband that night and he happen to be in the vehicle in front of me so I was able to call him to turn around and help, he knows more about flat tires and vehicles than I do .He looked at it, wondered how I didn't notice it before I got in the car a really great question and the truth is I just got in, I assumed everything was as it was when I drove there....I took it for granted that my tires were the same even though I did nothing to make sure that they were, no maintenance certainly that was a job for my husband to do a responsibility for someone else and no spare-why would I need one I never needed one before. He managed to drive it to a gas station that was very close and put some air in to hopefully get us home and we drove to the garage and got a new tire, it seems this one had a hole, small hole but it had been leaking for sometime.
I realize my faith is exactly like that tire. I have been driving along enjoying the journey, not perfect but all the low moments for me in the last almost 11 years were certainly balanced out with amazing JESUS FREAK moments........moments I think I may have took for granted.....no I am sure I have...I assumed that with each little bump a big triumph would certainly come because that s been the journey for me so far so why not keep doing what I always did....I didn't notice that my faith was getting flat well before I noticed that I was now looking down at my FREAK from the edge of this cliff like it got flat somewhere and fell off and I didn't even notice.I realize I had taken my faith for granted and just assumed Jesus would fill me up on a regular basis, or better yet someone else in my life a pastor a mentor, with no real extra maintenance from me. No thought to re-evaluate my responsibility in the journey to look at where I was at long enough to notice the slow leak. I had been gripping my steering wheel so hard I am exhausted daily and wondering why ....I need to find a safe place to pull over and go to the guy who knows more about FLAT FAITH then anyone.....As I look down today from the edge of that cliff I see who is waiting for me to bring myself down and stop trying to climb up when part of me needs changing. I want to climb back down and reevaluate where I am at and not simply do all the things I have always done. I want to recommit myself to the one who knows the ins and outs of my spirit and to remind me that the journey He has for me is not one of JESUS FREAK moments that I assume I should always have with a few small bumps along the way but sometimes a season of complete disaster that can only be dealt with by changing the tires on my FLAT FAITH.
I want to stop asking for God to raise me up higher when I am only willing to put in the same kind of work that I did to get to the place I am at right now.
I am tired of riding with a slow leak and not taking the time to look....I am going to take back any of the pieces of my life,any of the FREAK that I handed to the enemy and I am going to use it all on this incredible JESUS FREAK journey to rise to the place God is calling me to.
God is calling you to a place that's higher.....go and make the changes necessary to get there....pick up the new tools that you will need to get there and if necessary change your tires.
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
Is it my time yet?
Just one question..Is it my time yet?
Is everyone else alright?
Do they all have what they need?
Do they have someone to listen?
Is there enough good healthy food for them to eat?
Are they safe from those that harm them?
Are they alive or dead today?
Is there enough money to pay for the things that they need to succeed?
Is there someone who understands when their mind isn't right, is there enough people with grace to help them fight?
Are they doing things that make them happy , no matter what the cost?
Are we making sure they have an outlet whenever they feel lost?
Socializing is important and joining groups are vital, this keeps them from depression, from being idle.
Do we understand when they feel tired?
Do we close our mouths and pray?
Do we understated that grace is needed for each of them everyday?
Did you know there is alot to deal with, layers no one sees?
Is there someone in their life who can handle all thier needs?
Make sure that persons strong,
Make sure they understand.
Make sure they handle everything, so the pressure is relieved,
from the one who needs comfort, grace ,support and certainly relief.
Make sure they have a rock-that unshaking strength underneath
to allow them to move forward
succeed
feel important
comforted
and certainly not overwhelmed.
Make sure this rock is quiet, never to complain
make sure they suck it up or leave if ever to show pain.
Make sure this helper never asks for something for themselves
those things can wait , are they really needed? Is it really for the good of their health?
Lets wait and see if there's money
lets wait to see if there is time
lets wait to see what resources are left, we have someone who needs our time.
Perhaps if you aren't strong enough you should really just shut your mouth, go somewhere we don't want to see this
please go put your emotions on a shelf.
You are here to look after the person who needs support, they need someone strong if you cant handle whats going on than please just simply move on....
Whats that you say your burnt out?
Whats that you say your pained?
Whats that your feeling overwhelmed i am sorry what is your name?
It sounds to me like you are weak ,there is no room for this here.
you best just figure it out my friend
the enemy is drawing near.
Keep looking after all those people who need you in your life,
your friends at work,
your family
and for gods sake your his wife.
Theres no room for complaining you selfish selfish girl
Theres people here that need you
how else will they get by in this world?
We need to make sure they're alright
that they have all that they may need,
someone who can listen and provide for them their needs.
Go do the job you were asked to do , no room here for any grace
keep smiling and pushing it down
we know eventually it will erase.
It will go somewhere for God to find it
that pit He freed you from
When no one else can hear you
He knows what needs to be done.
Silence is your friend
His whispers you will hear
His job is to provide for you everything you need,
He is someone to listen
Someone with grace
your rock..........just hang on dear
He will never burn out
He will never leave
His grace is overflowing so you have more than you need........
to go and help that someone, that someone who is lost
to be their strength
find what they need
no matter what the cost.
Is everyone else alright?
Do they all have what they need?
Do they have someone to listen?
Is there enough good healthy food for them to eat?
Are they safe from those that harm them?
Are they alive or dead today?
Is there enough money to pay for the things that they need to succeed?
Is there someone who understands when their mind isn't right, is there enough people with grace to help them fight?
Are they doing things that make them happy , no matter what the cost?
Are we making sure they have an outlet whenever they feel lost?
Socializing is important and joining groups are vital, this keeps them from depression, from being idle.
Do we understand when they feel tired?
Do we close our mouths and pray?
Do we understated that grace is needed for each of them everyday?
Did you know there is alot to deal with, layers no one sees?
Is there someone in their life who can handle all thier needs?
Make sure that persons strong,
Make sure they understand.
Make sure they handle everything, so the pressure is relieved,
from the one who needs comfort, grace ,support and certainly relief.
Make sure they have a rock-that unshaking strength underneath
to allow them to move forward
succeed
feel important
comforted
and certainly not overwhelmed.
Make sure this rock is quiet, never to complain
make sure they suck it up or leave if ever to show pain.
Make sure this helper never asks for something for themselves
those things can wait , are they really needed? Is it really for the good of their health?
Lets wait and see if there's money
lets wait to see if there is time
lets wait to see what resources are left, we have someone who needs our time.
Perhaps if you aren't strong enough you should really just shut your mouth, go somewhere we don't want to see this
please go put your emotions on a shelf.
You are here to look after the person who needs support, they need someone strong if you cant handle whats going on than please just simply move on....
Whats that you say your burnt out?
Whats that you say your pained?
Whats that your feeling overwhelmed i am sorry what is your name?
It sounds to me like you are weak ,there is no room for this here.
you best just figure it out my friend
the enemy is drawing near.
Keep looking after all those people who need you in your life,
your friends at work,
your family
and for gods sake your his wife.
Theres no room for complaining you selfish selfish girl
Theres people here that need you
how else will they get by in this world?
We need to make sure they're alright
that they have all that they may need,
someone who can listen and provide for them their needs.
Go do the job you were asked to do , no room here for any grace
keep smiling and pushing it down
we know eventually it will erase.
It will go somewhere for God to find it
that pit He freed you from
When no one else can hear you
He knows what needs to be done.
Silence is your friend
His whispers you will hear
His job is to provide for you everything you need,
He is someone to listen
Someone with grace
your rock..........just hang on dear
He will never burn out
He will never leave
His grace is overflowing so you have more than you need........
to go and help that someone, that someone who is lost
to be their strength
find what they need
no matter what the cost.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)