So what am i really searching for? I realized something today when having some tea on the back porch of a friends house, a tea that turned into a 5 hour conversation about the Kingdom. You don't really start that way. I was really looking forward to the green tea and tarts (which were fabulous by the way) and of course catching up with my friend but didn't plan on talking about the Kingdom but I realize its all about the kingdom. I realized that some of this JESUS FREAK searching might just be about finding where i fit in. I confessed to my friend today that for the first time in my "church" experience (which has only been 9years) i feel like an "alien". Like I am in a place with nice people,nice building,nice music,nice places to serve but that my spirit cant breathe in "nice". It is comfortable,easy,nice.I am in a season where nice frustrates me.
I cant say anything bad about my church. Like I said its nice. The people, the building the music the serving opportunities. I don't want nice. i think nice may equal "easy" i don't want "easy". Its funny because other times on my journey when things were going a little easier i liked it. No work,show up,sing songs,take notes and ride the wave.Awesome! Not really, to be honest those were the times when i felt the furthest away from God and Jesus-whos that guy anyway oh he holds my hand and gives me a hug-nice guy.For the past year i have felt that way again. I started to enjoy the comfort a little. We have definitively struggled personally but i loved all the down,easy time with church. I was using this as my escape but it would be short lived. You can only use church for a distraction for so long-then it becomes abuse. I was abusing God i was ignoring Jesus-the Jesus I miss. Not Mr.Nice Jesus but the Jesus from the past who challenged me to be brave,rely on the Father, bring some Kingdom into the world even if its not comfortable. I was sitting in the space but being disconnected hating the "business" of church and missing the challenges of Kingdom life. I wanted to blame the church but its not the churches fault. I sat there saying nothing, enjoying the comfort at first then hating it then blaming the church but its not the churches fault. its mine.I want my FREAK back I want my search for the Kingdom back I want to feel uncomfortable again.
I want to be out of the building more than being in the building. I want to be out and expanding the Kingdom.I want to take my tithe sometimes and knock on the door of someone who is struggling and leave a note that doesn't try to get them to attend my church but just says "God loves you". I want to see us gather as a community in the parking lot and sit WITH our children and create cards that tell people the truth about God-that He loves all of us and go as a church and go buy Tim Horton's gift cards or grocery store cards and go to the apartment building across the street and bless the people who live there. Simply having a church in a community doesn't mean people will just show up. The point isn't to bless people so they show up for church but so they can see a small glimpse of the kind of people God expects us to be. People who give without expectation. I find it funny that we all gather together on Sunday and then often gather again during the week but our group looks very similar to Sundays group just smaller. How does that bring more to the kingdom? I want to be a part of a movement that meets as a community but not always in the comfort of a building with nice people nice music nice serving. I want to get back to my JESUS FREAK and I figured out today that the only way to get there is to get dirty in my discipleship again and walk really close behind Him-not waiting for a nice hug but watching closely as He goes out into the not so nice world.
Anyone else on this journey?
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
back to school JESUS FREAK lessons from my daughter
First I would like to thank my friend Cam for his response to my last blog. I confess I was hoping someone would relieve me of this silly standard I set for myself in my obsession with blogging everyday until I turned 40. I didn't realize that the journey itself would lead me to so many places, people and challenges that the time for blogging wouldn't always come. I appreciate his honesty of wanting to follow a blog that was inspired not just put out to fill necessary blogging time. Thanks for that Cam!
As i go through this journey and challenge myself with new books to read,scripture to look at and people to encounter while finding my FREAK i realized that an amazing lesson in finding my FREAK was right in front of me this whole time. The past few days has been a crazy time of fitting in the "last days" of summer and some worry about the first day of grade nine-perhaps more so from me than my daughter and throughout this time and my personal reflections I noticed a few things in my daughter as she prepared to go to highschool that i needed to take on my own "schooling" journey.
#1 She took the time to prepare. Not just gathering books and paper but talking to us about what it might be like and taking the time to reflect on it. I would watch as she sat thinking about the big day ahead and wondered if I took that same time each day preparing for the next.I know I have lots of books and journals for the journey but how much time am I reflecting and talking to others about what it might be like to find my FREAK again.
#2 she was honest about her fears. Just laid it all out there for us, her fears of being picked on like in the past, not being able to keep up with the fast pace of the classroom and measuring up to others. Could I be that honest with my own struggles and fears? My daughter is Epileptic and so many of these fears are legitimate concerns about things she cannot control in her life. Most of her bullying in the past stemmed from her illness and the pace of classroom life is something she may always be trying to catch up on. I don't have those issues, most of my fears are based on feeling personally inadequate or not measuring up to this strange standard i set for myself when I first met Jesus. I was so desperate to not be who I was anymore that I forgot who I was-does that makes sense? I feel like I threw the baby out with the bathwater. I discarded all of me including the me that God made to be and didst realize that some of who I was was still ok. Part of this journey I have learned from my daughter is letting people know about my fears and know we all have them.
#3 She stepped out despite her fears. On the morning of her first day of public high school she stepped out the door, fears and all, not know\ing what was going to happen and unsure about the people, the building and everything to do with her day would be unchartered territory. She didn't know if she would have a negative experience or if she could keep up with the others but she stepped outside the door anyway.She only had the promise that God would be watching out for her ( a major part of our prayer for her first day) Thats what I want again! I want to step into each day with no guarantee of goodness but only of the promise that God had it under control. I want to be fearless like my fourteen year old. I want to be bold like her and just 'Go"
I know not everyday seems like a major step for any of us-first day of school or journey to 40 but i have decided to look at each day like Hannah did on her first day. To prepare with not just tools but surrounded by community, to be honest about my fears and to step out without any promise of a good day but with knowing that no matter what happens God is on my side. I have a new spark for my JESUS FREAK journey thanks to my daughters first day of grade nine. I have decided to watch her more closely and take in the all the wisdom she has to offer me. You know the people i have met in my life that seem to have the most wisdom to offer me are usually too humble to realize it. I made sure she knew it last night before bed.
Thanks for following on my journey I look forward to all the wisdom I can gain from all of you.
As i go through this journey and challenge myself with new books to read,scripture to look at and people to encounter while finding my FREAK i realized that an amazing lesson in finding my FREAK was right in front of me this whole time. The past few days has been a crazy time of fitting in the "last days" of summer and some worry about the first day of grade nine-perhaps more so from me than my daughter and throughout this time and my personal reflections I noticed a few things in my daughter as she prepared to go to highschool that i needed to take on my own "schooling" journey.
#1 She took the time to prepare. Not just gathering books and paper but talking to us about what it might be like and taking the time to reflect on it. I would watch as she sat thinking about the big day ahead and wondered if I took that same time each day preparing for the next.I know I have lots of books and journals for the journey but how much time am I reflecting and talking to others about what it might be like to find my FREAK again.
#2 she was honest about her fears. Just laid it all out there for us, her fears of being picked on like in the past, not being able to keep up with the fast pace of the classroom and measuring up to others. Could I be that honest with my own struggles and fears? My daughter is Epileptic and so many of these fears are legitimate concerns about things she cannot control in her life. Most of her bullying in the past stemmed from her illness and the pace of classroom life is something she may always be trying to catch up on. I don't have those issues, most of my fears are based on feeling personally inadequate or not measuring up to this strange standard i set for myself when I first met Jesus. I was so desperate to not be who I was anymore that I forgot who I was-does that makes sense? I feel like I threw the baby out with the bathwater. I discarded all of me including the me that God made to be and didst realize that some of who I was was still ok. Part of this journey I have learned from my daughter is letting people know about my fears and know we all have them.
#3 She stepped out despite her fears. On the morning of her first day of public high school she stepped out the door, fears and all, not know\ing what was going to happen and unsure about the people, the building and everything to do with her day would be unchartered territory. She didn't know if she would have a negative experience or if she could keep up with the others but she stepped outside the door anyway.She only had the promise that God would be watching out for her ( a major part of our prayer for her first day) Thats what I want again! I want to step into each day with no guarantee of goodness but only of the promise that God had it under control. I want to be fearless like my fourteen year old. I want to be bold like her and just 'Go"
I know not everyday seems like a major step for any of us-first day of school or journey to 40 but i have decided to look at each day like Hannah did on her first day. To prepare with not just tools but surrounded by community, to be honest about my fears and to step out without any promise of a good day but with knowing that no matter what happens God is on my side. I have a new spark for my JESUS FREAK journey thanks to my daughters first day of grade nine. I have decided to watch her more closely and take in the all the wisdom she has to offer me. You know the people i have met in my life that seem to have the most wisdom to offer me are usually too humble to realize it. I made sure she knew it last night before bed.
Thanks for following on my journey I look forward to all the wisdom I can gain from all of you.
Sunday, September 2, 2012
Good thing Jesus loves me..... i think I am already failing this task. :)
This JESUS FREAK journey is proving to be harder than I thought. As I write this i realize how silly it sounds that I perhaps thought it would be easy-you know my journey with Jesus-i have so much growing up to do. Obviously I have already failed a big part of my year long blogging journey to find my FREAK simply because I have now missed 2 days of this personal journal writing. Plus some may think I have failed the biggest part of all by the fact that I am writing this as everyone at the church I normally attend is singing worship songs and I am not just late I decided to spend time with Jesus all day today and we will start off here with some of my confessions and then I will be at "church" getting a coffee at the local coffee shop and then walking to the park with my husband to discuss our journeys with Jesus. I thought I would feel guilty . I don't.God said it was ok that I didn't meet to talk to Him in the building-i read it yep in THE BOOK.
I am wrestling with something else though. Its with the fact that I get paid for the job I do at the mission. I know my title is Executive Director and believe me I dont make an E.D salary but i still wonder if part of this JESUS FREAK journey for me means getting back to the 5+ years that I did the job with no pay(money that is the rewards and blessings were certainly abundant) yet was filled with Holy spirit fire unending. I also realize that it seems insane for me to suggest that I dont get paid right now since my husband is currently unemployed. But I cannot shake this feeling that if the mission didnt pay me there would be less stress for fundraising. I wondered last night after I prayed if God needs me to release that money so that I can trust more in Him. What if the mission kept my salary and instead I relied on my speaking engagements for whatever blessing God decided? I will let you know how this part of my journey goes but what if my holding on to being paid at the mission is preventing Tom from finding a job? What if God is calling my bluff and really believing what I am relying on Him for?
Maybe i'm wrong. Maybe the white cheddar popcorn I ate before bed made me crazy but i cant shake this so i wonder is HE trying to tell me something? Am i missing something? Am I really just crazy?I dont know. Just another day in the life of my JESUS FREAK journey.
I am wrestling with something else though. Its with the fact that I get paid for the job I do at the mission. I know my title is Executive Director and believe me I dont make an E.D salary but i still wonder if part of this JESUS FREAK journey for me means getting back to the 5+ years that I did the job with no pay(money that is the rewards and blessings were certainly abundant) yet was filled with Holy spirit fire unending. I also realize that it seems insane for me to suggest that I dont get paid right now since my husband is currently unemployed. But I cannot shake this feeling that if the mission didnt pay me there would be less stress for fundraising. I wondered last night after I prayed if God needs me to release that money so that I can trust more in Him. What if the mission kept my salary and instead I relied on my speaking engagements for whatever blessing God decided? I will let you know how this part of my journey goes but what if my holding on to being paid at the mission is preventing Tom from finding a job? What if God is calling my bluff and really believing what I am relying on Him for?
Maybe i'm wrong. Maybe the white cheddar popcorn I ate before bed made me crazy but i cant shake this so i wonder is HE trying to tell me something? Am i missing something? Am I really just crazy?I dont know. Just another day in the life of my JESUS FREAK journey.
Friday, August 31, 2012
yes I missed a day...but theres alot to take in and alot to ask...help me out.
For those of you that are actually following I want you to know that I dont need to be reminded that I missed a day on my journey to Blog every day until I turn 40. If you really want to know I was on adate with my husband at the drive-in and by the time we got home I was too tired but I will let you in on something that has been on our hearts that was the topic I wanted to blog yeasturday so here it it...yes I missed a day but now I am looking for your feedback.
I told you before about the book I was reading called Sacrilege by Hugh Halter and I am almost done but I have already snuck a peak at his other book The Tangible Kingdom and the first chapter is called "Fiona" so yes I think I will love this book. Seriously though I am excited about the challenge this book puts out to what "church" looks like, what it looked like in the begining and what we have turned it into. I will fill you in on it all when I get through it more but would love to hear about what you think about "church". What do you think its role is or should be? Is the church really doing what Jesus asked it to do? Can a "church" be a "church" with no building? Does it need to have "membership" or are we all simply called to the Kingdom here on earth to look after our communities and bring the good news to someone over a coffee or slice of pizza? Lots of questions but trying to figure out what my responsibility is to God rather than to my local "church". Love to hear your responses and on this JESUS FREAK journey I think a large part for me is discovering where I fit into the kingdom and what is my responsibility to my community?
Love to dialogue and hear some answers for these questions I wrestle with.
I told you before about the book I was reading called Sacrilege by Hugh Halter and I am almost done but I have already snuck a peak at his other book The Tangible Kingdom and the first chapter is called "Fiona" so yes I think I will love this book. Seriously though I am excited about the challenge this book puts out to what "church" looks like, what it looked like in the begining and what we have turned it into. I will fill you in on it all when I get through it more but would love to hear about what you think about "church". What do you think its role is or should be? Is the church really doing what Jesus asked it to do? Can a "church" be a "church" with no building? Does it need to have "membership" or are we all simply called to the Kingdom here on earth to look after our communities and bring the good news to someone over a coffee or slice of pizza? Lots of questions but trying to figure out what my responsibility is to God rather than to my local "church". Love to hear your responses and on this JESUS FREAK journey I think a large part for me is discovering where I fit into the kingdom and what is my responsibility to my community?
Love to dialogue and hear some answers for these questions I wrestle with.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
The good the bad and the amazing FREAK
So today is really my birthday...my spiritual birthday 9 years ago today I met Jesus and I began to truly live. God has a great way of celebrating with us and today was no exception.
I started my day off with a meeting with a fellow FREAK but not sure he would describe himself that way but he is a man who is deliberate about his faith and needs to say nothing about it-all you really need to do is watch. Of course most of the meeting was him listening to me go on and on about my JESUS FREAK mission and we (well I) talked for hours about the people I knew that inspired this journey and keep me accountable to it. He is a great listener and a great encourager-hes also a pastor but don't hold that against him.
My next stop was work and I am privileged to be working in a great place with amazing people who are serving the Lord. Our day started with alot of meetings and visitors that would be coming into the mission and trying to sort through all the donations that had piled up the last few days. After my morning meeting I could sense a tension in the mission that my FREAK senses were telling me something great is going to happen today and the devil is trying to mess with it!I was right-unfortunately and as we started to gather to pray before we opened the doors we could See by those eagerly in front of the line that our patience was going to be challenged. Of course we prayed for protection and for patience (boy i never learn) and spoke out loud about our knowledge of something great that was about to happen-I was letting the enemy know that God was on our side and we mean business. As we opened the doors and people flooded in one of them who can be a particular challenge to us had arrived but with a child today. We immediately prepared ourselves for the extra item-taking and "finger-wagging" that we normally do but as we did that this little girl approached the desk where i was sitting and around her neck she had a recorder-you know the kind they used to make you play in Grade 4. She just stared at me for a while and then said "my name is Helen." I said " wow so is mine!" she didn't believe me at first and insisted on some sort of I.D but I was able to identify myself with proof through the many people who know me there. She began to show me how she cleans her recorder and said she can play it very well but hadn't played this summer because she had been going to VBS and learning the keys to Gods heart. She told us she was here with her grandmother and it was helpful because now she could explain clearly to her the "rules" of the place and our experience became much nicer. Helen took the time to ask for a pen and began to write on a piece of paper we have beside the prayer box and placed it inside. We waved good bye and i thanked her for teaching me all about her recorder but I learned a much greater lesson. When I opened her prayer from the prayer box it read "God thank-you for looking after us AMEN" This JESUS FREAK journey was a little painful today. I was reminded from that little girl that we don't know why people are in need but it doesn't matter we are called as FREAKS to serve-that's all serve-not judge-serve. God clearly is taking my commitment to this JESUS FREAK journey seriously-ouch.
I also sat in on a get to know and prayer session when I introduced my friend and pastor to 2 women from the mission community who are sisters and live together now because one of them is dying. She is too ill to live alone so now relies on her sister daily for help. She is palliative now and was seeking some prayer and comfort and knew we could find one of those pastors somewhere. As we huddled in the room that served as the bedroom,kitchen and living room I was in awe of this celebration of faith as a woman who knows her time is soon but takes in her last moments to ask for an ice cream cone before we begin to read scripture. We all listened as the pastor read from his bible and prayed for both woman. It was a living breathing JESUS FREAK moment in that tiny apartment when the 4 of us together in prayer, 2 eating ice cream and 2 honoured to be invited in.The sisters didn't take in his words because he said them but because he spent the bulk of his time there asking questions and getting to know them. His words, the scripture meant something more. It was more than just words.
My celebration of 9 years wasn't over although I was already exhausted by His amazing moments He had taken me on to this point in the day. We receive a visit from our friend who is taking pictures from a project and is gracious enough to let me run around this crazy God-filled day and taught me about humility and grace and that was all of 30 seconds of this day. I love her.She loves to serve. What else can I say. She knew I had no time for her today yet she stayed and worked and hugged me good bye. A pastor from a church outside town who is talking about a church plant also came in and by this time I could lie. He asked how my day was and i said this is what God has done today....... and yes he got it all. Again gracious enough to let me talk and simply said what can our church do for you? My day wasn't even done then-I am not even kidding! As i am finishing my conversation with this visiting pastor a volunteer says " sorry to interrupt but there is a man outside you need to meet" so I went of course I went this was like the longest birthday of my life! I step into the store and a man greets me and we shake hands. He said he brought this son who is visiting him for the week and he is showing him all the places in the city that are serving the Lord. He asked about our little mission and I gave him the shortest answer I could but I did tell him that today was a great celebration of the birth of my life in Jesus and I said" so i guess really the birth of my obedience to God in stepping out for Him with naive spirit but a willing heart" He asked to pray for me and the mission. So I said yes. And he did-not a quiet in the corner prayer but a loud right there in the middle of the room in front of all those people prayer- a JESUS FREAK prayer oh how I longed for this to be a part of the missions experience again! The room went silent and although i knew eyes were rolling i didn't care there was a great sense the JESUS filled that room with a tangible spirit that everyone felt. It was intoxicating. It was a bolt of electricity from the KINGDOM this whole day for me and I can feel the FREAK returning!
Thank-you God for who you are and thank-you for your son and the spirit-the whole lot of yas!
I started my day off with a meeting with a fellow FREAK but not sure he would describe himself that way but he is a man who is deliberate about his faith and needs to say nothing about it-all you really need to do is watch. Of course most of the meeting was him listening to me go on and on about my JESUS FREAK mission and we (well I) talked for hours about the people I knew that inspired this journey and keep me accountable to it. He is a great listener and a great encourager-hes also a pastor but don't hold that against him.
My next stop was work and I am privileged to be working in a great place with amazing people who are serving the Lord. Our day started with alot of meetings and visitors that would be coming into the mission and trying to sort through all the donations that had piled up the last few days. After my morning meeting I could sense a tension in the mission that my FREAK senses were telling me something great is going to happen today and the devil is trying to mess with it!I was right-unfortunately and as we started to gather to pray before we opened the doors we could See by those eagerly in front of the line that our patience was going to be challenged. Of course we prayed for protection and for patience (boy i never learn) and spoke out loud about our knowledge of something great that was about to happen-I was letting the enemy know that God was on our side and we mean business. As we opened the doors and people flooded in one of them who can be a particular challenge to us had arrived but with a child today. We immediately prepared ourselves for the extra item-taking and "finger-wagging" that we normally do but as we did that this little girl approached the desk where i was sitting and around her neck she had a recorder-you know the kind they used to make you play in Grade 4. She just stared at me for a while and then said "my name is Helen." I said " wow so is mine!" she didn't believe me at first and insisted on some sort of I.D but I was able to identify myself with proof through the many people who know me there. She began to show me how she cleans her recorder and said she can play it very well but hadn't played this summer because she had been going to VBS and learning the keys to Gods heart. She told us she was here with her grandmother and it was helpful because now she could explain clearly to her the "rules" of the place and our experience became much nicer. Helen took the time to ask for a pen and began to write on a piece of paper we have beside the prayer box and placed it inside. We waved good bye and i thanked her for teaching me all about her recorder but I learned a much greater lesson. When I opened her prayer from the prayer box it read "God thank-you for looking after us AMEN" This JESUS FREAK journey was a little painful today. I was reminded from that little girl that we don't know why people are in need but it doesn't matter we are called as FREAKS to serve-that's all serve-not judge-serve. God clearly is taking my commitment to this JESUS FREAK journey seriously-ouch.
I also sat in on a get to know and prayer session when I introduced my friend and pastor to 2 women from the mission community who are sisters and live together now because one of them is dying. She is too ill to live alone so now relies on her sister daily for help. She is palliative now and was seeking some prayer and comfort and knew we could find one of those pastors somewhere. As we huddled in the room that served as the bedroom,kitchen and living room I was in awe of this celebration of faith as a woman who knows her time is soon but takes in her last moments to ask for an ice cream cone before we begin to read scripture. We all listened as the pastor read from his bible and prayed for both woman. It was a living breathing JESUS FREAK moment in that tiny apartment when the 4 of us together in prayer, 2 eating ice cream and 2 honoured to be invited in.The sisters didn't take in his words because he said them but because he spent the bulk of his time there asking questions and getting to know them. His words, the scripture meant something more. It was more than just words.
My celebration of 9 years wasn't over although I was already exhausted by His amazing moments He had taken me on to this point in the day. We receive a visit from our friend who is taking pictures from a project and is gracious enough to let me run around this crazy God-filled day and taught me about humility and grace and that was all of 30 seconds of this day. I love her.She loves to serve. What else can I say. She knew I had no time for her today yet she stayed and worked and hugged me good bye. A pastor from a church outside town who is talking about a church plant also came in and by this time I could lie. He asked how my day was and i said this is what God has done today....... and yes he got it all. Again gracious enough to let me talk and simply said what can our church do for you? My day wasn't even done then-I am not even kidding! As i am finishing my conversation with this visiting pastor a volunteer says " sorry to interrupt but there is a man outside you need to meet" so I went of course I went this was like the longest birthday of my life! I step into the store and a man greets me and we shake hands. He said he brought this son who is visiting him for the week and he is showing him all the places in the city that are serving the Lord. He asked about our little mission and I gave him the shortest answer I could but I did tell him that today was a great celebration of the birth of my life in Jesus and I said" so i guess really the birth of my obedience to God in stepping out for Him with naive spirit but a willing heart" He asked to pray for me and the mission. So I said yes. And he did-not a quiet in the corner prayer but a loud right there in the middle of the room in front of all those people prayer- a JESUS FREAK prayer oh how I longed for this to be a part of the missions experience again! The room went silent and although i knew eyes were rolling i didn't care there was a great sense the JESUS filled that room with a tangible spirit that everyone felt. It was intoxicating. It was a bolt of electricity from the KINGDOM this whole day for me and I can feel the FREAK returning!
Thank-you God for who you are and thank-you for your son and the spirit-the whole lot of yas!
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
WWJD? Sit by the fire and have a drink...its true he would.
WWJD? I admit it was one of the first "must-haves" for me as a new "Christian" my first time at the Christian bookstore. I needed to have a WWJD bracelet so people would know I was "Christian". I also purchased a fish for our car, a wooden cross for my neck and tons of mangets for my fridge (in case someone came over and I forgot to wear my bracelet they could clearly see by my fridge that I loved Jesus). Yes these are part of my early JESUS FREAK days I am a little embarrassed about but the enthusiasm behind those purchases I would like to have back. I would love to have the fire in my step that made everything I saw in that store seem so exciting. If I had the money I would have bought one of everything.
I found that bracelet the other day when i was cleaning out the bathroom-sorry Jesus you ended up on the bottom of the cupboard underneath Tom razor and the "feminine hygiene products" Sorry. When did that happen? when did I decide i no longer needed to remind myself WWJD? and how did he end up under there? I think I might know. I remember a day when I realized that I no longer needed that stupid bracelet because I was becoming a "mature disciple" who knew the real Jesus. The Jesus who didn't care about the bracelet I wore but cared about the fact that I attended church on a regular basis, didn't watch bad t.v shows, tithe my money to my church, making sure my family lived in the safe neighborhood and my kids went to a safe school, i stopped swearing and of course stopped referring to Jesus as a guy who would sit and have a drink with us by a fire. When I went looking for my FREAK the other day I was so scared that what i found was this pretty, safe, quiet Jesus who had his arms open to hug and approve of my life Jesus. What have I done!?! No wonder I've lost my JESUS FREAK I turned him into Western church wear Jesus. Oh Jesus please forgive me!
I have been slapped back into reality by a fantastic book that was suggested to me by a fellow JESUS FREAK friend named Sue. Sue goes to a crazy church where people who attend are allowed to choose what song they sing right on the spot, and they talk openly about the passage they just read and sometimes someone shouts out right in the middle of it but no one has a meeting to decide if they should allow that person to continue attending, everyone is welcome-just like that big book says. I love Sue. I love that she is ruined for "normal" church-clean ,white, properly dressed normal church. The book she suggested to me after sitting in her office for a few hours confessing that I wanted to get my FREAK back was, Sacrilege by Hugh Halter. I am only 3 chapters in and drowning in the FREAK! I am loving it so much i think I will suggest to some friends that I think are borderline FREAKS that we read this together and discuss-like in a "Small group" only where you can give your opinion freely without fear of going too far with your FREAK. If you get a chance to get it-I just started it but even if the rest of this is pure garbage it is worth the money for the first 3 chapters.
Its a book that reminds you who Jesus was in scripture-the guy who produced MORE wine when the people had already been partying for hours. The guy who hung out with prostitutes and half-breeds,the guy who had a blatant disregard for the rules and regulations of the day. The people who started to follow him did just that-they followed HIM not doctrine or theology they followed HIM and learned along the way. That's all he asked.To follow HIM. Now. not when you know enough about scripture not when you've said the perfect prayer of repentance but now. I love a JESUS who I know would sit by a fire and have a drink with me. Listen to me, talk to me, love me. A JESUS who expects me to simply go out and Love others, listen to others and maybe even have a drink with them. I know we are called to be in the world but not of the world but I am pretty sure that didn't mean we walk among the "others" i think it meant there are no"others". I am in love with JESUS but my mother said I always liked the "rebels" and you know shes right, I do I love my counter-cultural,rule breaking,wine-making JESUS! I cant wait to learn more about him and do my darnedest to follow Him.
Minute by minute,day by day, I'll try my best.
P.S thats all HE asks. Our best.
I found that bracelet the other day when i was cleaning out the bathroom-sorry Jesus you ended up on the bottom of the cupboard underneath Tom razor and the "feminine hygiene products" Sorry. When did that happen? when did I decide i no longer needed to remind myself WWJD? and how did he end up under there? I think I might know. I remember a day when I realized that I no longer needed that stupid bracelet because I was becoming a "mature disciple" who knew the real Jesus. The Jesus who didn't care about the bracelet I wore but cared about the fact that I attended church on a regular basis, didn't watch bad t.v shows, tithe my money to my church, making sure my family lived in the safe neighborhood and my kids went to a safe school, i stopped swearing and of course stopped referring to Jesus as a guy who would sit and have a drink with us by a fire. When I went looking for my FREAK the other day I was so scared that what i found was this pretty, safe, quiet Jesus who had his arms open to hug and approve of my life Jesus. What have I done!?! No wonder I've lost my JESUS FREAK I turned him into Western church wear Jesus. Oh Jesus please forgive me!
I have been slapped back into reality by a fantastic book that was suggested to me by a fellow JESUS FREAK friend named Sue. Sue goes to a crazy church where people who attend are allowed to choose what song they sing right on the spot, and they talk openly about the passage they just read and sometimes someone shouts out right in the middle of it but no one has a meeting to decide if they should allow that person to continue attending, everyone is welcome-just like that big book says. I love Sue. I love that she is ruined for "normal" church-clean ,white, properly dressed normal church. The book she suggested to me after sitting in her office for a few hours confessing that I wanted to get my FREAK back was, Sacrilege by Hugh Halter. I am only 3 chapters in and drowning in the FREAK! I am loving it so much i think I will suggest to some friends that I think are borderline FREAKS that we read this together and discuss-like in a "Small group" only where you can give your opinion freely without fear of going too far with your FREAK. If you get a chance to get it-I just started it but even if the rest of this is pure garbage it is worth the money for the first 3 chapters.
Its a book that reminds you who Jesus was in scripture-the guy who produced MORE wine when the people had already been partying for hours. The guy who hung out with prostitutes and half-breeds,the guy who had a blatant disregard for the rules and regulations of the day. The people who started to follow him did just that-they followed HIM not doctrine or theology they followed HIM and learned along the way. That's all he asked.To follow HIM. Now. not when you know enough about scripture not when you've said the perfect prayer of repentance but now. I love a JESUS who I know would sit by a fire and have a drink with me. Listen to me, talk to me, love me. A JESUS who expects me to simply go out and Love others, listen to others and maybe even have a drink with them. I know we are called to be in the world but not of the world but I am pretty sure that didn't mean we walk among the "others" i think it meant there are no"others". I am in love with JESUS but my mother said I always liked the "rebels" and you know shes right, I do I love my counter-cultural,rule breaking,wine-making JESUS! I cant wait to learn more about him and do my darnedest to follow Him.
Minute by minute,day by day, I'll try my best.
P.S thats all HE asks. Our best.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Mother Teresa...She was a Jesus Freak.
I went for a walk last night with my hubby after a quiet birthday dinner with him and we went to the convenience store-I confess it was to check a lotto ticket that we don't normally buy but we did when we were in Leamington recently, i justified it by promising God the little house we passed on the way there that needed a roof really badly that we would fix it for them if we won. I know its a little silly but anyway. We go in the store and i see on the shelf of magazines right next to the one that reminds me that i need to loose weight and the other one that tells me all about the dirt on the royal family i see a Time magazine special addition on Mother Teresa. I was immediately drawn to her face, her smiling wrinkled face that couldn't hide her FREAK...her JESUS FREAK. I just wanted to skim the pages but Tom insisted we buy it-I think he could see how strangely excited looking at the photos of her made me. It was like a spark inside me. I started to read it on the rest of the walk home and I am sure drove him crazy with the "oh my goodness did you know this....or that...wow amazing listen to this" I was immediately hooked on my new JESUS FREAK Idol.
I must admit to you i was a little ego driven by the fact that she and I share the same birthday and that she was the third and youngest child also in her family.....you know some divine connection. I will say that the knowledge of her birth order was encouraging to me you see third born last children tend to be risk takers, challenge authority and have a certain kind of built in rebellion to them. Yes even Mother Teresa! Of course I have heard of her before in fact lots of stories in Catholic school about this great nun who loved God more than i ever dreamed I could. But they forgot to tell us the best parts of her! The part where she HEARD the voice of God speak to her to tell her to go and serve in a place where no one would dare offer to go. The part where no one believed that she heard God and that they still thought she was crazy for going to care for the sick and the dying among the poorest of the poor. The part where her superiors at the order were not convinced she was prepared to start this ministry yet she took 15 months to lobby the POPE (incessantly) and then gained his approval. The part where her critics (yes she had them)and even some friends said she wasn't organized or planned enough to which she replied "We do not make plans, we do not prepare infrastructure, divine providence will guides us and in finding the means to support it". Wow what a FREAK...... what a JESUS FREAK. I am in love with her love for her great BIG GOD. I am in love with the moments she confessed to "darkness creeping in"and"longing to do more" I love that she didn't know how amazing she was. I love her humanity.
I know when we read about a woman like Mother Teresa we instantly compare ourselves by saying"she's a saint, I couldn't live like her,she was sent from heaven" Well we all were sent from heaven, we aren't supposed to live like her and as far as a saint "technically " no she actually isn't one-yet. What we can do is look at her life and celebrate the moment that God called her to her unique mission and she answered yes, with no idea what she was going to do next. That is the piece we can look at and say where is God calling me to? Is He trying to speak to me but my life is so loud I cant hear him? When have i felt a "call" to talk to a neighbour, say hello to someone on the street or apologize to someone I have hurt (whether they knew it or not) Where are the times in my life that i heard the call to give money to help someone out or invite someone to dinner or spend time with my kids. I know I have heard those calls and decided "not today or when I have time" You see not everyones call from God is a ministry to the poorest of the poor in Calcutta but if we all just answered the little calls in our life God adds them all up and connects them all up for the greatest call of His Kingdom....on earth as it is in heaven.
On this JESUS FREAK journey I am practicing listening more to those calls even if they just sound like a whisper. Its amazing what I heard when I turned off my t.v.......
We aren't supposed to be Mother Teresa and she could never be us but I love what she said "God doesn't ask us to do great things.He asks us to do small things with great love."
Mother Teresa......JESUS FREAK
I must admit to you i was a little ego driven by the fact that she and I share the same birthday and that she was the third and youngest child also in her family.....you know some divine connection. I will say that the knowledge of her birth order was encouraging to me you see third born last children tend to be risk takers, challenge authority and have a certain kind of built in rebellion to them. Yes even Mother Teresa! Of course I have heard of her before in fact lots of stories in Catholic school about this great nun who loved God more than i ever dreamed I could. But they forgot to tell us the best parts of her! The part where she HEARD the voice of God speak to her to tell her to go and serve in a place where no one would dare offer to go. The part where no one believed that she heard God and that they still thought she was crazy for going to care for the sick and the dying among the poorest of the poor. The part where her superiors at the order were not convinced she was prepared to start this ministry yet she took 15 months to lobby the POPE (incessantly) and then gained his approval. The part where her critics (yes she had them)and even some friends said she wasn't organized or planned enough to which she replied "We do not make plans, we do not prepare infrastructure, divine providence will guides us and in finding the means to support it". Wow what a FREAK...... what a JESUS FREAK. I am in love with her love for her great BIG GOD. I am in love with the moments she confessed to "darkness creeping in"and"longing to do more" I love that she didn't know how amazing she was. I love her humanity.
I know when we read about a woman like Mother Teresa we instantly compare ourselves by saying"she's a saint, I couldn't live like her,she was sent from heaven" Well we all were sent from heaven, we aren't supposed to live like her and as far as a saint "technically " no she actually isn't one-yet. What we can do is look at her life and celebrate the moment that God called her to her unique mission and she answered yes, with no idea what she was going to do next. That is the piece we can look at and say where is God calling me to? Is He trying to speak to me but my life is so loud I cant hear him? When have i felt a "call" to talk to a neighbour, say hello to someone on the street or apologize to someone I have hurt (whether they knew it or not) Where are the times in my life that i heard the call to give money to help someone out or invite someone to dinner or spend time with my kids. I know I have heard those calls and decided "not today or when I have time" You see not everyones call from God is a ministry to the poorest of the poor in Calcutta but if we all just answered the little calls in our life God adds them all up and connects them all up for the greatest call of His Kingdom....on earth as it is in heaven.
On this JESUS FREAK journey I am practicing listening more to those calls even if they just sound like a whisper. Its amazing what I heard when I turned off my t.v.......
We aren't supposed to be Mother Teresa and she could never be us but I love what she said "God doesn't ask us to do great things.He asks us to do small things with great love."
Mother Teresa......JESUS FREAK
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