If you have been following me on this journey of my WEEKWITHOUT fundraiser for CAP Canada I wanted to apologize for missing yesterdays blog post, and this is my last one as my WEEKWITHOUT will end tomorrow morning!
I am both relieved and nervous about going back to "normal" which is a very loose term in our house, we are not exactly a nice normal family by any stretch of the imagination but you know what I mean, p.s so glad there is nothing "normal" about us other wise I wouldn't fit in. I am excited to see and talk to my family again, yes to all of you who think its a dream to be isolated from the people in your house for a week I challenge you to try it as it will give you a new perspective on the people you live with and do family with, they really aren't so bad in fact I have come to discover that my family are pretty amazing people who can handle a lot without me, wait that's not great. I guess that means I can stop trying to tell everyone what to do all the time because my way is best. As it turns out they can handle life without me after all, who knew. All kidding aside I love them even more than I thought and I think I should probably tell them that more often, louder and with more affection than I usually do. My people are really great people and best of all they are mine. I truly have a new appreciation for loneliness even with the small amount of time I had it. God don't let this experience keep me the same, let it make a change in me and the way I walk in this world.
Choosing times of retreat and reflection are good things sometimes and especially if your intention is to be closer to God and I wish I had made more of this time to do that. I wanted to be able to blog to you about all the GOD TIME I had and I did have some but not in the superhero Christian lady way I thought I might, the truth is I spent a few days complaining, being frustrated, sad, lonely and miserable but yesterday I found myself in the middle of a Holy Spirit awakening . I seemed to come out of the days of frustration and into a day where I just let loose with God almost challenging Him to "show up" like some weirdo who doesn't realize He is here always, the space must finally be getting to me, but seriously I felt His spirit so tangibly yesterday and it gave me renewed energy and opened my eyes to a clarity to see a day that unfolded into this day of miracles upon miracles and watching him weave himself in the lives of people in that incredible way God does and it was breathtaking. I was even too tired to blog about it. I will take Holy spirit exhaustion any day! God don't let this experience keep me the same, let it make a change in me and the way I walk in this world.
I went to work today for a half day on my day off, I didn't want to be home so it made sense to go and work somewhere where people are that I can be a part of something, with this isolation at home I felt myself longing to be apart of something, a group a team and I became more grateful for places missions and ministry spaces where people can just "BE" for a few hours. Be apart of the energy, noise, laughter have someone smile at them possibly join a conversation. Coffee shops make money off of our need to belong, that's why we go there to work on stuff . We are pretending to go there to work alone but cant stand the idea of truly being lonely. God don't let this experience keep me the same, let it make a change in me and the way I walk in this world.
God let me see the beauty of the words in a conversation with someone. Let me embrace the blessings you have given me. Let me learn to love the noise of my not so normal family. Let me see how much stuff I truly have and shut my mouth the minute I dare complain of lack. God help me to draw even closer to you to unwrap all the amazing reasons you have created all of us for love, compassion and community......Forgive me for not believing your Word and needing a WEEKWITHOUT to have this revelation. Thank-you for how awesome you are to a mess like me.
There are still a few hours to go and donate to CAP Canada #Weekwithout. GO to www.capcanada.org/donate and when you go back out into the world tomorrow please don't do it the same way. Generously give your smile, your laughter and your dreams to those who sit alone.
Friday, March 4, 2016
Wednesday, March 2, 2016
Week Without - luxuries right in front of me
If you have been following my blog for the last few days you will be well aware that I am missing my family very much on this #Weekwithout fundraiser ( to see details please check previous posts) but what I was noticing today was how many material luxuries I really had all this time and never noticed.
When I arrived home from work today I parked the car and walked around the house to the convenience store to cash one of those silly lottery tickets so I could collect the $12 which I am adding to the funds for #Weekwithout we have a charity target of $5,000 and every little bit helps, besides if I learned nothing from being convicted of old habits yesterday I certainly couldn't do what I really wanted and that was buy more scratch tickets lol, just being honest people, just being honest. The walk was wonderful I realized that I had been going from my 10x10 room driving in my car to the office getting back in my car and back into my 10x10 room with little time outside so this walk was just amazing! God forgive for forgetting about the luxuries of being able to walk to the store, wearing warm winter boots and coat and having this house to come home to , its actually pretty big, much bigger than I thought, much bigger than the house I used to complain about.
When I walked into the door I had to go to the washroom in a hurry and I could because we have a bathroom on the main floor right near the front door. God forgive me for forgetting about the luxury of owning 3 washrooms, those washrooms that I complain about cleaning. Many people do not own even one.
As I climbed the stairs to go to my room I looked over the rail and down to the living area and saw my furniture from up there, its beautiful, spacious and looks so comfortable. God forgive me for getting frustrated when people would come over when we didn't have enough seats for everyone to sit in or that I thought the room was too small. any people do not have even half that space or the people to fill it.
My husband was taking our youngest daughter out for dinner so I took the opportunity to use my second and last shower time for the week while they were gone. I stood in the shower and loved the feeling of the hot water it was a great feeling after being in my cold room for the last few days. The smell of the soap was glorious and I stood in that shower longer than I ever had before. God thank you for the luxury of hot water, clean shower and soap, I didn't even notice the old tiles on the wall and that my towels are the ones from our wedding almost 19 years ago that I used to make such a big deal about. Forgive me for forgetting that water is life and many don't have this luxury.
The door to our bedroom was open and I peeked inside, it looked so spacious and luxurious just like the rooms I was glancing over on the internet thinking about time away with Tom after this week. As I looked on the internet earlier and complained about how expensive the rooms are in hotels I guess I forgot that I had a luxurious suite right down the hall that we could go to for free. I saw it with fresh eyes tonight, God forgive me , its beautiful. Many people would dream about that room and having someone to share the bed with.
Now I am in my 10x10 room again and it seems s0 small. I have towel drying off my bed clothing hanging on the other side, my food and dishes on one side of the floor and work stuff on the other and a few piles of clothes, I guess I need to go to the laundry mat soon. God forgive me for not being grateful for this small space, a luxury for many who would love to have it.
God forgive me for having all these luxuries and more right in front of me and not realizing they were everything I used to wish I had before I knew you, the things I dreamed about when I looked through the skylight of our old apartment with no windows....you gave me everything I asked for yet I still didn't appreciate it......all these luxuries right in front of me.
Many people dream about the very things you and I take for granted everyday. They live in spaces that are not even equipped to accommodate half of what we have and yet we want more. Please take a good look around you tonight and ask God to forgive you for not seeing the luxuries in front of you. Then I ask that you go to www.capcanada.org/donate to make a donation to #Weekwithout yo help raise awareness and funds to support making real changes in the lives of people who go without everyday. Thank-you
When I arrived home from work today I parked the car and walked around the house to the convenience store to cash one of those silly lottery tickets so I could collect the $12 which I am adding to the funds for #Weekwithout we have a charity target of $5,000 and every little bit helps, besides if I learned nothing from being convicted of old habits yesterday I certainly couldn't do what I really wanted and that was buy more scratch tickets lol, just being honest people, just being honest. The walk was wonderful I realized that I had been going from my 10x10 room driving in my car to the office getting back in my car and back into my 10x10 room with little time outside so this walk was just amazing! God forgive for forgetting about the luxuries of being able to walk to the store, wearing warm winter boots and coat and having this house to come home to , its actually pretty big, much bigger than I thought, much bigger than the house I used to complain about.
When I walked into the door I had to go to the washroom in a hurry and I could because we have a bathroom on the main floor right near the front door. God forgive me for forgetting about the luxury of owning 3 washrooms, those washrooms that I complain about cleaning. Many people do not own even one.
As I climbed the stairs to go to my room I looked over the rail and down to the living area and saw my furniture from up there, its beautiful, spacious and looks so comfortable. God forgive me for getting frustrated when people would come over when we didn't have enough seats for everyone to sit in or that I thought the room was too small. any people do not have even half that space or the people to fill it.
My husband was taking our youngest daughter out for dinner so I took the opportunity to use my second and last shower time for the week while they were gone. I stood in the shower and loved the feeling of the hot water it was a great feeling after being in my cold room for the last few days. The smell of the soap was glorious and I stood in that shower longer than I ever had before. God thank you for the luxury of hot water, clean shower and soap, I didn't even notice the old tiles on the wall and that my towels are the ones from our wedding almost 19 years ago that I used to make such a big deal about. Forgive me for forgetting that water is life and many don't have this luxury.
The door to our bedroom was open and I peeked inside, it looked so spacious and luxurious just like the rooms I was glancing over on the internet thinking about time away with Tom after this week. As I looked on the internet earlier and complained about how expensive the rooms are in hotels I guess I forgot that I had a luxurious suite right down the hall that we could go to for free. I saw it with fresh eyes tonight, God forgive me , its beautiful. Many people would dream about that room and having someone to share the bed with.
Now I am in my 10x10 room again and it seems s0 small. I have towel drying off my bed clothing hanging on the other side, my food and dishes on one side of the floor and work stuff on the other and a few piles of clothes, I guess I need to go to the laundry mat soon. God forgive me for not being grateful for this small space, a luxury for many who would love to have it.
God forgive me for having all these luxuries and more right in front of me and not realizing they were everything I used to wish I had before I knew you, the things I dreamed about when I looked through the skylight of our old apartment with no windows....you gave me everything I asked for yet I still didn't appreciate it......all these luxuries right in front of me.
Many people dream about the very things you and I take for granted everyday. They live in spaces that are not even equipped to accommodate half of what we have and yet we want more. Please take a good look around you tonight and ask God to forgive you for not seeing the luxuries in front of you. Then I ask that you go to www.capcanada.org/donate to make a donation to #Weekwithout yo help raise awareness and funds to support making real changes in the lives of people who go without everyday. Thank-you
Tuesday, March 1, 2016
Week WIthout- old habits creeping in
Isolation does funny things to a person. I get the privilege of going to work for a few hours a day where people talk to me so I know it is not the same as someone who is isolated all of the time, I know now I could never handle that and have a different prayer life now because of it.
When I was driving home from work I immediately had a feeling of despair come over me knowing that I was coming home to my room, my computer and myself.........that triggered something in me....some ugly old habits of soothing myself to help me forget I was alone. Even in my early married life when I was not technically alone I felt very much alone. Neither my husband or myself knew how to do this married thing well and with two very broken backgrounds and nothing to believe other than ourselves we were left to grasp at whatever or whoever would distract us to fill the moment. I had a few vices but a couple of them crept up on me today on my way home. I had a package to mail so I stopped at our local store that has a post office in the back I dropped off the box and began walking around the store looking for things to purchase but not just anything......I found myself walking out of there and back into my room with a bag of chocolate, chips and scratch tickets oh and a bottle of water. Food and lottery were just two of the vices I used to have, EVERYDAY vices where I would spend money to possibly win money with the promise of escaping the life I felt trapped in, vices that would stuff my body to numb me from having to feel lonely and depressed. Vices that a lot of people did so I thought it was okay but the truth is anything you use to try and fill the hole only Jesus can fill is bad for us...it will lie to us, tempt us and eventually kill our spirit. I scratched the tickets and felt so good doing it, I ate that chocolate bar so fast I don't even remember what it tasted like and I am left with a sore stomach and frustration about spending money I didn't really have on the idea that scratching that ticket could provide me with even more money.
How did I fall so quickly into these old habits with only 3 days into this partial isolation?
God forgive me and help me to go to you on my way home when I know it will be lonely.
God remind me that some of our clients will spend their money on things like lottery tickets and candy that offer false promises of escape and fullness because they are lonely , isolated, desperate for escape and to be filled.
God thank you for Christians Against Poverty and their system to help get people out from under the weight of debt and into the freedom that can only be found in your son Jesus.
Please go to www.capcanada.org/blog to find out how you can help me raise $2,000 for CAP Canada during our staffs #Weekwithout
When I was driving home from work I immediately had a feeling of despair come over me knowing that I was coming home to my room, my computer and myself.........that triggered something in me....some ugly old habits of soothing myself to help me forget I was alone. Even in my early married life when I was not technically alone I felt very much alone. Neither my husband or myself knew how to do this married thing well and with two very broken backgrounds and nothing to believe other than ourselves we were left to grasp at whatever or whoever would distract us to fill the moment. I had a few vices but a couple of them crept up on me today on my way home. I had a package to mail so I stopped at our local store that has a post office in the back I dropped off the box and began walking around the store looking for things to purchase but not just anything......I found myself walking out of there and back into my room with a bag of chocolate, chips and scratch tickets oh and a bottle of water. Food and lottery were just two of the vices I used to have, EVERYDAY vices where I would spend money to possibly win money with the promise of escaping the life I felt trapped in, vices that would stuff my body to numb me from having to feel lonely and depressed. Vices that a lot of people did so I thought it was okay but the truth is anything you use to try and fill the hole only Jesus can fill is bad for us...it will lie to us, tempt us and eventually kill our spirit. I scratched the tickets and felt so good doing it, I ate that chocolate bar so fast I don't even remember what it tasted like and I am left with a sore stomach and frustration about spending money I didn't really have on the idea that scratching that ticket could provide me with even more money.
How did I fall so quickly into these old habits with only 3 days into this partial isolation?
God forgive me and help me to go to you on my way home when I know it will be lonely.
God remind me that some of our clients will spend their money on things like lottery tickets and candy that offer false promises of escape and fullness because they are lonely , isolated, desperate for escape and to be filled.
God thank you for Christians Against Poverty and their system to help get people out from under the weight of debt and into the freedom that can only be found in your son Jesus.
Please go to www.capcanada.org/blog to find out how you can help me raise $2,000 for CAP Canada during our staffs #Weekwithout
Monday, February 29, 2016
Week without - A painful noise
I think this may be the hardest day of this week on my journey to help raise funds for CAP Canada during our Week without ( see previous blog for details). I knew it would be difficult to be isolated from my husband and my daughter here at home on a day to day basis but I forgot about how hard it would be on our traditional Monday night spaghetti night when our eldest daughter, our son-in-law, Granddaughter all of their friends, our "wooden" children and grandchildren come over for spaghetti. I didn't realize how painful the noise of their laughter, giggles, conversations, disagreements and stories of their days would be........isolation is hard, isolation within earshot of the noise of life is deafening.
Every noise is painful....the sound of the plates being filled with food, the babies screaming and "chatting" to each other, the sound of dads "greeting" their waking babies that they haven't seen all day, the sound of mums encouraging the use of sippy cups and eating "all by themselves", the sound of my husband "hosting" everyone and laying down new rules about EVERYONE cleaning up their mess, the sound of one daughter teaching her little girl to play nice with her friends and the other talking about how she is helping Dad this week because mum isn't around. The sounds that bring me such joy are so hard to hear but a wonderful lesson for me not to ever take for granted the incredible family and friends that I have. I miss snuggling with my granddaughter and tickling her until she giggles out loud, oh my heart I miss her so much. I miss watching our eldest daughter be an incredible wife and mother, watching her in those roles is one of the most incredible things to watch. I miss looking at and touching her tummy that is hugging our third grandbaby for a few more months until we can hold them ourselves. I miss being in the middle of the friendships in the room.I am so grateful to God for not giving up on our family many years ago, I know without Him none of the blessings of this life are possible.
The house empties as the "kids" go home for the night and my husband takes our youngest to coach her hockey game.....I cant go ....I wish I could .....I even wish I could keep score, a job I normally hate to do. I will miss listening to my husband play 90's rock music in the truck to "pump up" our daughter before the game ,I will miss seeing her excitement and commitment for her team, I will miss watching her team greet her with big hugs and "another goal tonight for you I can feel it!", I will miss cheering her on from the stands but most of all I will miss watching her Dad cheer on his little girl from the bench.
I thought the noise was painful but I was wrong the silence is far worse. It makes me long for the noise I use to wish would stop. It makes me understand why many of our clients don't want to give up their cable, I turned on the computer to find videos I could watch just to fill the silence, so I didn't feel so alone, for some people the only noise of joy they hear is the one played out in a sitcom on late night T.V......forgive me Lord for judging people for wanting "company" even if it comes in the form of actors, scripted lives and snippets of "life" played out in a 30 second commercial. We do not appreciate the painful "noise" of silence unless it's all you have. We do not understand the need for artificial family and friends until we are without them. We do not appreciate the noise of life that we sometimes long to get away from in the beautiful mess of family and friendships until it is gone.
God forgive me for the deafness of my own ears to the beautiful noises of my life.
Please visit your neighbor who is alone, say hello to the person you pass on the street and pray for those who do not have the rich blessings of family, "wooden" and real.
Please go to www.capcanada.org/blog and donate to #Weekwithout so we can continue to provide real tangible solutions to debt, poverty, unemployment, addictions and isolation.
***For those of you who do not know "wooden" family refers to people who are not related by blood but are your family just the same****
Every noise is painful....the sound of the plates being filled with food, the babies screaming and "chatting" to each other, the sound of dads "greeting" their waking babies that they haven't seen all day, the sound of mums encouraging the use of sippy cups and eating "all by themselves", the sound of my husband "hosting" everyone and laying down new rules about EVERYONE cleaning up their mess, the sound of one daughter teaching her little girl to play nice with her friends and the other talking about how she is helping Dad this week because mum isn't around. The sounds that bring me such joy are so hard to hear but a wonderful lesson for me not to ever take for granted the incredible family and friends that I have. I miss snuggling with my granddaughter and tickling her until she giggles out loud, oh my heart I miss her so much. I miss watching our eldest daughter be an incredible wife and mother, watching her in those roles is one of the most incredible things to watch. I miss looking at and touching her tummy that is hugging our third grandbaby for a few more months until we can hold them ourselves. I miss being in the middle of the friendships in the room.I am so grateful to God for not giving up on our family many years ago, I know without Him none of the blessings of this life are possible.
The house empties as the "kids" go home for the night and my husband takes our youngest to coach her hockey game.....I cant go ....I wish I could .....I even wish I could keep score, a job I normally hate to do. I will miss listening to my husband play 90's rock music in the truck to "pump up" our daughter before the game ,I will miss seeing her excitement and commitment for her team, I will miss watching her team greet her with big hugs and "another goal tonight for you I can feel it!", I will miss cheering her on from the stands but most of all I will miss watching her Dad cheer on his little girl from the bench.
I thought the noise was painful but I was wrong the silence is far worse. It makes me long for the noise I use to wish would stop. It makes me understand why many of our clients don't want to give up their cable, I turned on the computer to find videos I could watch just to fill the silence, so I didn't feel so alone, for some people the only noise of joy they hear is the one played out in a sitcom on late night T.V......forgive me Lord for judging people for wanting "company" even if it comes in the form of actors, scripted lives and snippets of "life" played out in a 30 second commercial. We do not appreciate the painful "noise" of silence unless it's all you have. We do not understand the need for artificial family and friends until we are without them. We do not appreciate the noise of life that we sometimes long to get away from in the beautiful mess of family and friendships until it is gone.
God forgive me for the deafness of my own ears to the beautiful noises of my life.
Please visit your neighbor who is alone, say hello to the person you pass on the street and pray for those who do not have the rich blessings of family, "wooden" and real.
Please go to www.capcanada.org/blog and donate to #Weekwithout so we can continue to provide real tangible solutions to debt, poverty, unemployment, addictions and isolation.
***For those of you who do not know "wooden" family refers to people who are not related by blood but are your family just the same****
Sunday, February 28, 2016
Week Without - There is so much more to this
Yesterday was night one of my Week Without Fundraiser with my new job with Christians Against Poverty Canada. Each staff member is giving up something for the week that many of the clients that we see have to everyday. Someone is giving up their vehicle for the week, another living off of the $11.30 per week for food, one is only getting food from places that provide it for free in the city, another their warm bedding and soft surfaces to understand what it is like to get rid of everything in a bed bug crisis and another is limiting the items they are allowed to have to function for the week.......I choose physical isolation and confined space.
For a week I will be sleeping, eating and living out my day in a 10x10 room. I have a kettle as my only source of "cooking" as many people who cannot afford a good apartment will rent "space" somewhere in order to have money left over in their cheque to eat even if that space does not include a kitchen. I will be sharing a washroom with my 17 year old daughter but only having access to the shower twice this week as many people have to go through a sign-up process to use a free shower at a local shelter. I will also be confined to this room in my house and cut off from all physical interactions with anyone, speaking to them face to face, having to listen to "life" going on all around me but not being permitted to join in because many people are living in isolation due to their poverty,unemployment, addictions, mental health issues and a society that has forgotten to personally invite our neighbors instead relying on the growing movement of "everyone is welcome events" to draw people out of their spaces and into a social setting. These events are not something bad , they just create another excuse for us to not have to do the hard job of invading our neighbors lives and loving them in their spaces, finding out who they as an individual are and making this more than a visit around Christmas, Easter or other big holidays........wow I just realized how cheated God feels about that too when we visit Him on holidays and think we are doing something nice for Him.....no wonder He wants us to love our neighbors on a deeper level, it just might draw us closer to Him too.
In fairness I know my Physical isolation is not a true "experiment" of sorts as I do have the privilege of going into work everyday where people have to speak to me about something but as I entered into my first night I was struck already by how difficult it is not to be "seen".
When it was time to go to bed and I walked down the other end of our hallway into my space I already felt a sense of disconnection from my husband. I already felt "cut off" from him and started to miss him even though he was only a few feet away. As I climbed into my single bed I started to realize I wouldn't have his body to keep me warm, someone to laugh with or chat too and I would be waking up alone. The irony about all of this is that there were early years of my marriage PJ ( Pre-Jesus) when I did everything I could to get away from my husband, separating myself within the home, finding excuses to be out of the house and away from him and my children and being miserable enough to make sure I wasn't the kind of person you would want to spend time with and now here I am one night, just down the hall longing to be near him...Praise God for the reminder of how our marriage has changed and the heart that only Jesus can give you for your spouse!
I was struck by the noises i could hear like my daughter giggling on her computer but that I wasn't allowed to join in on it as her mum. I was also struck by how cold this room actually is and we should have believed our 5 year old when she told us her room was cold.
When I woke up this morning alone I was convicted by the times I have privately "dismissed" the single women in my life with the idea that its not so bad having the bed to yourself or the independence to do whatever you want with no one else input....to all of you I am sorry. Waking up alone is not fun, I even miss the jokes my husband and I make to each other about our bad breath and this is only day one! Oh Jesus help me get through this because apparently I am more of a princess than I thought! I am sorry for dismissing your single girl loneliness ,
I hear my family walking in the hallway chatting and getting ready for church.....I cant go. The amount of Sunday mornings that I have grumbled about getting up and having to get my teenager out of bed for church are too many to mention and I am immediately convicted by it this morning when I am not allowed to, the worst part is she got up a little easier for her dad too which is driving me crazy! God is using this week to absolutely reveal to me the places and spaces and people in my life that I have some to take for granted. I am excited and a little nervous about how He will continue to teach me this week.
I know this is only an "experiment" and not one that is completely accurate because I know if I was truly alone and completely isolated I would not have a husband who sorta cheats for me.......yesterday when we were talking about what this week might look like we both said at the same time "what about our devotional time?" and my heart sunk. Tom and I have been doing a morning devotional and prayer together now for over a year no matter where we are we make sure we do it as it has become something so rich to our relationship its just too bad we waited until he was on deaths door to start it but for two stubborn people like us sometimes it takes that for God to shake us into doing what we needed to do a long time ago. My heart was so filled that he was worried about it too as I sometimes wondered if he was doing just to keep me quiet some mornings. He sent me a text message with his prayer for me today and yes I cheated and sent one back to him.
God forgive me for not seeing all that I have in front of me and realizing the richness of it all.God forgive me for forgetting about how even the heart of someones prayer for us is something everyone needs to hear, forgive me for the nudges you have given me to pray for a stranger and I have been too busy to do it. God help me to see what this week is going to teach me, not just what I was trying to get out of it but what your greater purpose is in all of it. God I pray for all those who are lonely and isolated today I pray they will get a knock on their door with a friendly invite, a prayer and a smile from a stranger. Go i thank-you that in knowing you we are never alone. I also thank-you that you have created us for community with one another so other people can help remove the things about us that are ugly and we don't stay stuck as the people you never intended for us to be.
****Please go to https://capcanada.org/blog to find out more about #WeekWithout and please donate to CAP for this cause so they can be used by God to continue to do the work they do to help people out of poverty, debt, addiction and unemployment AND loneliness. God bless you all!
Sunday, January 31, 2016
Are we really just cool Cafeteria kids?
I used to think it would be really great if I was surrounded by family who were all believers like me. I watch people who were raised in "Christian" homes and have generations of believers who go before them and I used to think I was missing something by not having that for myself or my children until 13 years ago in our family. Don't get me wrong there is absolutely something wonderful about a legacy like that but I have to tell you lately I have begun to appreciate more and more having a family that questions my faith, my belief system and the Church.
I have people in my life who are on their own spiritual journeys that definitely don't look anything like mine. I have loved ones who think this is just my latest "thing" that I have decided to be passionate about but only until something else comes along and there are others close to me who have an absolute hatred for anything connected to the Church. I used to spend a lot of time being sad about having to defend my faith to them trying really hard to prove to them that all they think about the Church is not true. But the truth of the matter is I am grateful for having people who question, and even doubt my faith and this Church I belong to because it keeps me from glossing over things that go on in this big community of ours and causes me to lift the veil of truth to keep me from becoming the blue haired lady in the back row who simple accepts what goes on, that lady who has grown old in her belief of the importance of attending Church on Sunday, giving money and going "with the flow".......that lady who lost her "FREAK, her JESUS FREAK"
I have seen us, this community of believers, take ownership of things that belong to God and twist them to suit our own purposes. I have witnessed us use the mission work we do as badges of honor to prop us up in the eyes of the Church, the idea of freely giving to God what belongs to Him but only if we will "profit" from it in the form of a tax receipt and worst of all I watch as we take Church and try to squish it into some weird "formula" of how it is supposed to look. While I admit I have ALOT to learn about the Word of God but it seems pretty clear to me that this strange ownership we have of Church( the building and the very word itself) seems to be a strange way for us to separate ourselves from the very people we are called to love and share the Good News with.
The bibles definition of Church comes from the Greek word ecclesia which means a called out company or assembly. When it is used in the bible it is referring to people (Acts 19:30-41) (Ephesians 1:22 Ephesians 5:25,32 ) We as believers are called the church, our bodies the temple of God and like a physical building we also have a cornerstone foundation which is Jesus Christ. I realize this may sound like I am anti-church but actually I am not. I think people and communities all have the right to assemble where they want, in whatever building they want, sing whatever songs they want, pray on their knees or standing or sitting, drink coffee during service or not, wave flags or raise their hands or do whatever else the community they belong to decides helps bring them into unity with one another and especially with God.......but this seems to be my problem actually . You see I believe that EVERYONE has the right to pray, worship and belong wherever they feel their church is, even if its doesn't look anything like the place I go (which by the way is in a Legion building) . You see in 13 years of ministry I discovered that many people talk about how they don't believe in God but the truth is when you dig down its not God they don't believe in its the hypocrisy of the place that did not make them feel welcome that they want to have no part of. I know with the movements lately of urban churches etc that are "welcome to anyone" seem to pop up but I want you to know there are still people among us whom that "formula" doesn't welcome them at all. I actually do know of a couple of places that do welcome all people well but they are the exception rather than the rule AND I also know that they are to be "officially" called something else when they meet on a Sunday because to call it church is not allowed because essentially whether we believe it or not we Christians have taken ownership of the very word. I know the people we talk about that we are called to love on a Sunday morning but the truth is they would rarely be welcomed with their smelly clothes, bags of "treasure" that are covered in bugs and their inability to sit still for 30 minutes and not interrupt with questions that will come up when we use our "churchy language" and theology when we are explaining a passage. Some of us don't even understand when the pastor is speaking but even we don't dare ask.
If the bible says church is within us and an assembly of people gathered to worship why do we try to only mold it into something that s comfortable for the majority of us inevitably leaving a group of people left out like some weird cafeteria scene in high school where the cool kids who are better dressed and considered cool don't dare welcome those other kids to their table? Maybe we need to have a conference called the Breakfast club.We do realize that church doesn't look the same in other parts of the world right? The way people gather in Africa won't look the same as the way people gather in China but it is still church right!?
isn't the point of this Christianity thing to share the Good News that Jesus dies for all of us? Isn't that the idea of missionaries who risk their lives overseas to tell this Good News to those who may never get the chance to hear it? Shouldn't that include the homeless individual who will never fit into most church buildings on a Sunday morning? Shouldn't they be able to hear the Word, worship, pray, ask questions when they don't understand, swear and come as they are to the feet of Jesus in a place , any place that they feel like they belong? Shouldn't they be able to call this place their church even if it doesn't fit the mold WE have created ? Are they not also temples of the Holy Spirit are they not assembling with their community, the biblical definition of church? Gods table is big enough for everyone right?!?Or is it only Gods table if its in the comfort of our building, our rituals our kind of people?!................I really hope I am not going to have to go back to my next family dinner and tell them all that they were right about this whole church thing. I really don't want to do that.
I have people in my life who are on their own spiritual journeys that definitely don't look anything like mine. I have loved ones who think this is just my latest "thing" that I have decided to be passionate about but only until something else comes along and there are others close to me who have an absolute hatred for anything connected to the Church. I used to spend a lot of time being sad about having to defend my faith to them trying really hard to prove to them that all they think about the Church is not true. But the truth of the matter is I am grateful for having people who question, and even doubt my faith and this Church I belong to because it keeps me from glossing over things that go on in this big community of ours and causes me to lift the veil of truth to keep me from becoming the blue haired lady in the back row who simple accepts what goes on, that lady who has grown old in her belief of the importance of attending Church on Sunday, giving money and going "with the flow".......that lady who lost her "FREAK, her JESUS FREAK"
I have seen us, this community of believers, take ownership of things that belong to God and twist them to suit our own purposes. I have witnessed us use the mission work we do as badges of honor to prop us up in the eyes of the Church, the idea of freely giving to God what belongs to Him but only if we will "profit" from it in the form of a tax receipt and worst of all I watch as we take Church and try to squish it into some weird "formula" of how it is supposed to look. While I admit I have ALOT to learn about the Word of God but it seems pretty clear to me that this strange ownership we have of Church( the building and the very word itself) seems to be a strange way for us to separate ourselves from the very people we are called to love and share the Good News with.
The bibles definition of Church comes from the Greek word ecclesia which means a called out company or assembly. When it is used in the bible it is referring to people (Acts 19:30-41) (Ephesians 1:22 Ephesians 5:25,32 ) We as believers are called the church, our bodies the temple of God and like a physical building we also have a cornerstone foundation which is Jesus Christ. I realize this may sound like I am anti-church but actually I am not. I think people and communities all have the right to assemble where they want, in whatever building they want, sing whatever songs they want, pray on their knees or standing or sitting, drink coffee during service or not, wave flags or raise their hands or do whatever else the community they belong to decides helps bring them into unity with one another and especially with God.......but this seems to be my problem actually . You see I believe that EVERYONE has the right to pray, worship and belong wherever they feel their church is, even if its doesn't look anything like the place I go (which by the way is in a Legion building) . You see in 13 years of ministry I discovered that many people talk about how they don't believe in God but the truth is when you dig down its not God they don't believe in its the hypocrisy of the place that did not make them feel welcome that they want to have no part of. I know with the movements lately of urban churches etc that are "welcome to anyone" seem to pop up but I want you to know there are still people among us whom that "formula" doesn't welcome them at all. I actually do know of a couple of places that do welcome all people well but they are the exception rather than the rule AND I also know that they are to be "officially" called something else when they meet on a Sunday because to call it church is not allowed because essentially whether we believe it or not we Christians have taken ownership of the very word. I know the people we talk about that we are called to love on a Sunday morning but the truth is they would rarely be welcomed with their smelly clothes, bags of "treasure" that are covered in bugs and their inability to sit still for 30 minutes and not interrupt with questions that will come up when we use our "churchy language" and theology when we are explaining a passage. Some of us don't even understand when the pastor is speaking but even we don't dare ask.
If the bible says church is within us and an assembly of people gathered to worship why do we try to only mold it into something that s comfortable for the majority of us inevitably leaving a group of people left out like some weird cafeteria scene in high school where the cool kids who are better dressed and considered cool don't dare welcome those other kids to their table? Maybe we need to have a conference called the Breakfast club.We do realize that church doesn't look the same in other parts of the world right? The way people gather in Africa won't look the same as the way people gather in China but it is still church right!?
isn't the point of this Christianity thing to share the Good News that Jesus dies for all of us? Isn't that the idea of missionaries who risk their lives overseas to tell this Good News to those who may never get the chance to hear it? Shouldn't that include the homeless individual who will never fit into most church buildings on a Sunday morning? Shouldn't they be able to hear the Word, worship, pray, ask questions when they don't understand, swear and come as they are to the feet of Jesus in a place , any place that they feel like they belong? Shouldn't they be able to call this place their church even if it doesn't fit the mold WE have created ? Are they not also temples of the Holy Spirit are they not assembling with their community, the biblical definition of church? Gods table is big enough for everyone right?!?Or is it only Gods table if its in the comfort of our building, our rituals our kind of people?!................I really hope I am not going to have to go back to my next family dinner and tell them all that they were right about this whole church thing. I really don't want to do that.
Thursday, December 31, 2015
A Real Resolution
This is not another blog about New Years resolutions.......Okay maybe it is but its not about how to keep them or that you should even have them, perhaps it is more about reclaiming them for something that will actually benefit us.
Trust me there is nothing I hate more than those things, they sound really great on December 31st but then immediately start to dwindle by the time we watch the ball drop into the next year. Over my lifetime I have witnessed people decide to give up drinking and then toast with champagne , I have decided to eat better and then stuff myself in the name of celebration, I have decided to exercise more then sleep in after a long night and stay in my PJ's the whole next day and so on and so on. More often than not my attempt at resolutions are never for myself anyway , although they certainly are packaged that way. I say I want to eat less and move more for my health and that might be a little bit true but if I was honest a huge part of it is to look better in this world for other people, even my friend who declared to stop drinking was doing it for his family not truly for himself, he wasn't ready yet. This is why resolutions suck. Infact they are like most other parts of our lives if we are honest. They sound good, feel good saying them out loud or writing them in a book, they even look good for a while until the inevitable happens and the very thing that made us feel so good saying, writing, committing to and helped us look so good ends up turning on us into a pile of guilt, shame and condemnation because we are now too weak, too lazy, not strong enough, not determined enough, not "one of those people" that we think exist because of our distorted lens of social media and we are in a strange pit that seems even deeper than the one we declared we were escaping from on December 31.........what the heck just happened?!?!?
Much of this whole resolution thing, although its been alive and well for many years, is a new unachievable fairy tale place that exists only on Pinterest, Facebook, twitter and Instagram. Its a land of perfect moms who have perfect bodies, perfect kids, perfect husbands, perfect pets, perfect houses, perfect friends, perfect meals. Beside her lives that perfect couple, with the perfect jobs, the perfect condo, the perfect lifestyle and go on their perfect vacations. This is the community of perfect Christians who memorize the bible , pray for hours from the crack of dawn everyday,go to the perfect church, only watch and listen to good godly messages, have good godly perfect children who go to the perfect Christian school and have the perfect Christian friends and are eager to work side by side with their parents on humanitarian missions, they have a good godly perfect Christian marriage and the skeletons in their closets (just like the ones we all have) are camouflaged beautifully by their social media accounts that lift them up by the bodies of those of us who live under the weight of this unattainable perfection.
Any resolution I thought about having this year was only a reflection of the fact that my life NEVER resembles any of this list EVER! I started to wonder and pray if I had been a part of this incredible false sense of achievement via social media........was I too making victims of what my life looks like on the internet? I looked at my life, our life over the last few years and realized that yes I too had put out some posts that made things look better than they actually were, although in fairness I feel like if I put out ALL of our junk the internet might explode lol! Many people know that life has not been a bed of roses for our family that last few years but more of a series of weeds growing in some dead grass with the occasional awesome beautiful bloom growing up in midst of it all. Often things were totally out of control, Sometimes we had to look hard and clear out a lot of weeds in our life ( unhealthy people, places and things) but the blooms were truly beautiful. That's who God is though, isn't He............He does let us grow a few weeds so we will do the work of clearing them out to see His beauty. Isaiah 61:3
This year instead of one of those resolutions that are just feeble attempts to live up to a perfection that never existed in the first place I have decided to try my best to follow this list I wrote for myself that will be in my purse, on my fridge, in my car anywhere I need to be reminded of what really matters in life:
1. Truly let it go - Seriously people lets all pull an Elsa from Frozen, yes even if you need to sing that annoying song to remind you to let it go do it! When we hang onto garbage our own or others we become heavy, drained and tired I don't know about you but this makes me feel almost as good as a cardio workout when we drop it all. The truth is I don't care how much you weigh, if you are carrying around the garbage of guilt, shame, condemnation, unachievable perfection you will feel like you are 600 lbs even if your 105lbs. I promise we will all feel healthier in body mind and spirit when we decide to let it go, all of it, all the hurt , pain especially what others have done to you. I promise we will all feel lighter and able to do more than we could ever imagine. Forgiveness does that, honest I know this for sure, I just have to learn to go to it FIRST before I hold onto the garbage until it drowns me, drains me of any life-giving energy. Col 3:13
2. Clear out the weeds - I am not exactly someone who has a green thumb but I know enough to know that if you leave the weeds not only can you not see the beautiful flowers but it leaves no room for more to grow. This may seem like a contradiction to the first item on my list about letting go and forgiving but its not, Letting go and forgiving can still happen but sometimes you need to remove the "weedy" people, places and things of life that keep popping up. We only have a short time on this earth and I believe we are to be loving and kind to everyone but NOT to the detriment of our health. Unless we pull weeds out by the root they will spring up somewhere else in the garden and caused more problems elsewhere. Choose a small (1-2) group of people in your life as those whom you can spill everything too and know it stays with them AND that they wont just say they will pray for you but they will. Choose people who live what they say. People who understand that time in silence with God is more important than a clean house or clean floors. People who care more about being with God than being the person people think they should be. Find these people in your life. Find places to go to be with God, life-giving places, taking the time to do nothing with Him. Do things to breathe life into you even if they world says that is not a goal worthy of a social media post. Take time to be alone because people will always want a piece of you, be careful who you give yourself to, even Jesus took time away from people. My mother always says " People are either builders or destroyers they are never both" Choose builders, people who are not just a builder to your face but behind the scenes too. These are the people who help us weed our gardens and add new life to them. Luke 5: 15-16
3. Believe God is who He says He is for YOUR life not someone elses - God has a plan for your life, I know you have heard this before but its true I think the problem is we look around at other peoples lives and think we need to live that one too, wow that would be pretty boring wouldn't it?!? Besides I've tried to do that it never works God has equipped you for a very specific purpose and all the tools necessary to do it. GOD has a plan for your life, no one else is God lets be clear about that, People often place us in a category of who they think you are generally without really taking the time to know you . We often think spending time in the same space as someone means we know them and that is terribly wrong. Go to the Word, read about how awesome God is, then read it some more and then believe He is still alive and active and waiting to perform amazing miracles in and through your life if you let Him. There is no better freedom than being in those moments when you feel Gods hand on your life. When you realize the places that felt like you were falling apart God was really putting you into place. When you see our lasagna God at His best , layering your life for great purpose. Believe Him and feel your life change for the better. 2Cor 6:16
When we let go , clear the weeds and believe God is who He says HE is there is nothing we cannot accomplish if it is in His will. Yes we should take care of ourselves, yes I need to loose some weight for my health but if I don't clear my life of the things preventing me from the freedom of a life in the fullness of God it doesn't matter how much I weigh or how much I go to the gym. The best part is when I live my life as close as I can to these three things, all the rest seems to fall into place. This is not a list intended to add any pressure to you or me I promise. I will be trying and failing just like you but I know if this list is my focus I will be the better for it.
Happy New year but remember God is more than 365 days a year, He is eternal, forever and everlasting! If you are reading this and have not given your life to the Lord don't waste another moment! DO not step into 2016 without surrendering your life to Him! Just ask for His forgiveness, ask him into your heart and receive His grace. THIS would be the best "resolution" you have EVER made!
Trust me there is nothing I hate more than those things, they sound really great on December 31st but then immediately start to dwindle by the time we watch the ball drop into the next year. Over my lifetime I have witnessed people decide to give up drinking and then toast with champagne , I have decided to eat better and then stuff myself in the name of celebration, I have decided to exercise more then sleep in after a long night and stay in my PJ's the whole next day and so on and so on. More often than not my attempt at resolutions are never for myself anyway , although they certainly are packaged that way. I say I want to eat less and move more for my health and that might be a little bit true but if I was honest a huge part of it is to look better in this world for other people, even my friend who declared to stop drinking was doing it for his family not truly for himself, he wasn't ready yet. This is why resolutions suck. Infact they are like most other parts of our lives if we are honest. They sound good, feel good saying them out loud or writing them in a book, they even look good for a while until the inevitable happens and the very thing that made us feel so good saying, writing, committing to and helped us look so good ends up turning on us into a pile of guilt, shame and condemnation because we are now too weak, too lazy, not strong enough, not determined enough, not "one of those people" that we think exist because of our distorted lens of social media and we are in a strange pit that seems even deeper than the one we declared we were escaping from on December 31.........what the heck just happened?!?!?
Much of this whole resolution thing, although its been alive and well for many years, is a new unachievable fairy tale place that exists only on Pinterest, Facebook, twitter and Instagram. Its a land of perfect moms who have perfect bodies, perfect kids, perfect husbands, perfect pets, perfect houses, perfect friends, perfect meals. Beside her lives that perfect couple, with the perfect jobs, the perfect condo, the perfect lifestyle and go on their perfect vacations. This is the community of perfect Christians who memorize the bible , pray for hours from the crack of dawn everyday,go to the perfect church, only watch and listen to good godly messages, have good godly perfect children who go to the perfect Christian school and have the perfect Christian friends and are eager to work side by side with their parents on humanitarian missions, they have a good godly perfect Christian marriage and the skeletons in their closets (just like the ones we all have) are camouflaged beautifully by their social media accounts that lift them up by the bodies of those of us who live under the weight of this unattainable perfection.
Any resolution I thought about having this year was only a reflection of the fact that my life NEVER resembles any of this list EVER! I started to wonder and pray if I had been a part of this incredible false sense of achievement via social media........was I too making victims of what my life looks like on the internet? I looked at my life, our life over the last few years and realized that yes I too had put out some posts that made things look better than they actually were, although in fairness I feel like if I put out ALL of our junk the internet might explode lol! Many people know that life has not been a bed of roses for our family that last few years but more of a series of weeds growing in some dead grass with the occasional awesome beautiful bloom growing up in midst of it all. Often things were totally out of control, Sometimes we had to look hard and clear out a lot of weeds in our life ( unhealthy people, places and things) but the blooms were truly beautiful. That's who God is though, isn't He............He does let us grow a few weeds so we will do the work of clearing them out to see His beauty. Isaiah 61:3
This year instead of one of those resolutions that are just feeble attempts to live up to a perfection that never existed in the first place I have decided to try my best to follow this list I wrote for myself that will be in my purse, on my fridge, in my car anywhere I need to be reminded of what really matters in life:
1. Truly let it go - Seriously people lets all pull an Elsa from Frozen, yes even if you need to sing that annoying song to remind you to let it go do it! When we hang onto garbage our own or others we become heavy, drained and tired I don't know about you but this makes me feel almost as good as a cardio workout when we drop it all. The truth is I don't care how much you weigh, if you are carrying around the garbage of guilt, shame, condemnation, unachievable perfection you will feel like you are 600 lbs even if your 105lbs. I promise we will all feel healthier in body mind and spirit when we decide to let it go, all of it, all the hurt , pain especially what others have done to you. I promise we will all feel lighter and able to do more than we could ever imagine. Forgiveness does that, honest I know this for sure, I just have to learn to go to it FIRST before I hold onto the garbage until it drowns me, drains me of any life-giving energy. Col 3:13
2. Clear out the weeds - I am not exactly someone who has a green thumb but I know enough to know that if you leave the weeds not only can you not see the beautiful flowers but it leaves no room for more to grow. This may seem like a contradiction to the first item on my list about letting go and forgiving but its not, Letting go and forgiving can still happen but sometimes you need to remove the "weedy" people, places and things of life that keep popping up. We only have a short time on this earth and I believe we are to be loving and kind to everyone but NOT to the detriment of our health. Unless we pull weeds out by the root they will spring up somewhere else in the garden and caused more problems elsewhere. Choose a small (1-2) group of people in your life as those whom you can spill everything too and know it stays with them AND that they wont just say they will pray for you but they will. Choose people who live what they say. People who understand that time in silence with God is more important than a clean house or clean floors. People who care more about being with God than being the person people think they should be. Find these people in your life. Find places to go to be with God, life-giving places, taking the time to do nothing with Him. Do things to breathe life into you even if they world says that is not a goal worthy of a social media post. Take time to be alone because people will always want a piece of you, be careful who you give yourself to, even Jesus took time away from people. My mother always says " People are either builders or destroyers they are never both" Choose builders, people who are not just a builder to your face but behind the scenes too. These are the people who help us weed our gardens and add new life to them. Luke 5: 15-16
3. Believe God is who He says He is for YOUR life not someone elses - God has a plan for your life, I know you have heard this before but its true I think the problem is we look around at other peoples lives and think we need to live that one too, wow that would be pretty boring wouldn't it?!? Besides I've tried to do that it never works God has equipped you for a very specific purpose and all the tools necessary to do it. GOD has a plan for your life, no one else is God lets be clear about that, People often place us in a category of who they think you are generally without really taking the time to know you . We often think spending time in the same space as someone means we know them and that is terribly wrong. Go to the Word, read about how awesome God is, then read it some more and then believe He is still alive and active and waiting to perform amazing miracles in and through your life if you let Him. There is no better freedom than being in those moments when you feel Gods hand on your life. When you realize the places that felt like you were falling apart God was really putting you into place. When you see our lasagna God at His best , layering your life for great purpose. Believe Him and feel your life change for the better. 2Cor 6:16
When we let go , clear the weeds and believe God is who He says HE is there is nothing we cannot accomplish if it is in His will. Yes we should take care of ourselves, yes I need to loose some weight for my health but if I don't clear my life of the things preventing me from the freedom of a life in the fullness of God it doesn't matter how much I weigh or how much I go to the gym. The best part is when I live my life as close as I can to these three things, all the rest seems to fall into place. This is not a list intended to add any pressure to you or me I promise. I will be trying and failing just like you but I know if this list is my focus I will be the better for it.
Happy New year but remember God is more than 365 days a year, He is eternal, forever and everlasting! If you are reading this and have not given your life to the Lord don't waste another moment! DO not step into 2016 without surrendering your life to Him! Just ask for His forgiveness, ask him into your heart and receive His grace. THIS would be the best "resolution" you have EVER made!
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