I have figured out something really glorious and really painful on this journey. If I am going to grow I need to be honest, which is hard and glorious. Its hard because although this is a personal journey for me people still take a personal stake in it somehow. Although I write this blog as a personal memo I realize that by posting it publicly it invites people to come along and the journey is not always pleasant. I will also confess to you that it was my way of connecting with other people who have struggles with their faith journeys and are afraid to say so-there sometimes isn't alot of room for questions or honesty,even in the church. It is also glorious because I believe there is a freedom for some in finding out that its okay to feel the way they are feeling and that it really is a personal journey with God and his messed up beautiful Kingdom. Its ok to not always pretend to be connected, strong, "on the right track", focused or free. Its ok to be the man or woman of God that Jesus knows is struggling because it is only in the struggle that we come out better if we are brave enough to go there.
I realized something this weekend too that as I write it down I can already imagine the people who will read this and say "its about time she figured that out!" On this journey God placed me on nine years ago I set out in a space of wanting God to use me to tell others His incredible story of how He changed my life and I have done that for nine years. I took great PRIDE and joy in proclaiming the good new of God in my life over and over again and would mention in a small way how my whole family has been effected by it too. This weekend I stepped out of the way and stopped hogging the spotlight of God amazing grace in our family and watched as God now had room to move in my husband to tell his story too.
It has always been a joke about how much I talk and Tom has to listen but I realized that it was no longer funny when I was too selfish to step back and allow more of Gods testimony to be told through the eyes of my husband. I took the long drive with him to Windsor to a conference called "Men of Valor" and although I did not get to hear him speak today I could see Gods anointing on him as he entered the space to speak of our amazing God who can change even the most challenging trials in very broken people. I knew the experience would stretch him in ways that were uncomfortable but his focus on sharing was to help other men who may be going through similar pain in their marriage and life now to see that there can be freedom. What I love about Tom is that he makes no apologizes for who he is and where he is at. He is fully aware of his brokenness and that he has a long way to go but recognizes that sharing some of his pain can bring healing to someone else. I have watched him grow into a stronger man of God day by day -willing to be wrong as long as he learns from the experience.
We have both come from pretty big places of pain in our life together and sometimes the world doesn't make it easy to heal. We live in a world where broken seems better and we seem to enjoy the pain so we don't support the healing. God doesn't waste pain in fact it will always bring healing if we allow it-if we are brave enough to go through it. Jesus died a horrific death so i could proclaim my JESUS FREAK his pain brought me life and his example of sacrifice in love is a hard one to follow but i know it is necessary if I want to find that FREAK again.
It took me nine years to step out of the way so God could work through my husband and send him on a whole new journey. Yes God could have moved me on his own years ago but it was a process that as a couple , as a wife I needed to realize in order to support my husbands journey with God. I had to figure it out for myself so I could continue to step back and let Gods light shine through him not just today but from now on. Sometimes we are the stumbling block on someone else s faith journey until we realize that we need to move out of the way. "God will not use you unless you move" was written on a piece of paper I found in my bible the other day. AT first I thought it was for ME to move ahead in my walk but it was much more than that. It was my fortune cookie from God that was a strong message to me to move out of Toms way and let God work through him for his Kingdom here on earth. After I prayed for forgiveness with a humbled heart I grew excited for this new journey we would be on together- a JESUS FREAK journey that was no longer a personal one because it was never mean to be.
Blessings to everyone,thank you for reading and thanks for your grace in following my journey.
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Friday, October 12, 2012
I want to get my JESUS FREAK on just like Ronnie
I want to be more like Ronnie.
A man who not only knew God but got his JESUS FREAK on alot-although he may not say it that way.
He treated everyone with kindness and a smile even if they didn't approach him the same way. He was close enough to God to be able to see people with the lens of JESUS.
He made people laugh and knew how to laugh at himself.
He didn't mince words and told you exactly how he was feeling.
He welcomed friends and it did not occur to him that someone wasn't worthy of his friendship or time he saw everyone as equals.
He enjoyed what was offered to him but never took more than his share-especially if there was someone he knew didn't get any yet.
He was more aware of peoples feelings than most and made sure everyone felt special and apart of the conversation he was having.
Gracious to those whom most have no time for.
Seeing the best in others even when they were not necessarily showing it.
Loved treats and didn't apologize for that.
Stepped out into the day with no apologize for who he was because he knew he was Gods son.
I want to be more like Ronnie.
I want the lens in which Jesus sees all people
I want everyone in my presence to feel special
i want to be me and not apologize for that because i know I am Gods daughter.
I want to LOVE treats and not apologize for that,
I want to get my JESUS FREAK on just like Ronnie.
A man who taught me so much in the short time i knew him.
A man who not only knew God but got his JESUS FREAK on alot-although he may not say it that way.
He treated everyone with kindness and a smile even if they didn't approach him the same way. He was close enough to God to be able to see people with the lens of JESUS.
He made people laugh and knew how to laugh at himself.
He didn't mince words and told you exactly how he was feeling.
He welcomed friends and it did not occur to him that someone wasn't worthy of his friendship or time he saw everyone as equals.
He enjoyed what was offered to him but never took more than his share-especially if there was someone he knew didn't get any yet.
He was more aware of peoples feelings than most and made sure everyone felt special and apart of the conversation he was having.
Gracious to those whom most have no time for.
Seeing the best in others even when they were not necessarily showing it.
Loved treats and didn't apologize for that.
Stepped out into the day with no apologize for who he was because he knew he was Gods son.
I want to be more like Ronnie.
I want the lens in which Jesus sees all people
I want everyone in my presence to feel special
i want to be me and not apologize for that because i know I am Gods daughter.
I want to LOVE treats and not apologize for that,
I want to get my JESUS FREAK on just like Ronnie.
A man who taught me so much in the short time i knew him.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Maybe I wasn't all bad after all
I was at one of my therapist appointments ( i know your all surprised i see a shrink right! LOL) anyway she said something to me that i never thought about before. Something that I think is really going to help me out on this Finding my JESUS FREAK journey. She said that when i came to know God and gave my life to Jesus i wanted so desperately to be a new person that I threw away all of who I was before meeting Jesus-the bad and the good- and that is part of the reason why I think I have lost apart of my freak but really I am just longing to figure which parts of who I used to be are okay to be again. Maybe I wasnt all bad after all.
The truth is none of us are. But i think sometimes this longing to be "born again" can cause us to remove everything about who we were in order to have this "new life" in Christ. Maybe just maybe there were pieces of me that would still work on this journey with JESUS, maybe i need to really search for the parts of my life that are and have always been good? Is it possible that before JESUS I wasn't all bad? Well I discovered during a visit with one of my "pre-JESUS" friends that maybe just maybe Helen Norris (pre-JESUS) really wasn't ALL bad.
Its funny i hadn't spoke to this friend in a long time and she asked me why today and i didn't have an answer. Even if i did it probably wouldn't make much sense now anyway but as I reflect on it now I wonder if throwing away ALL of me to journey with JESUS I also let go of some pre-JESUS friends too, perhaps because they reminded me of who I used to be,maybe if i am really honest it might be easier to pretend to be a more "perfect" me post-JESUS with those who never knew me before. Lets be honest -the truth hurts. We were together this morning for a long time and i really enjoyed just being me with her. I didn't have to worry about letting the pre-JESUS me slip out or worry that she was somehow judging my behaviour. She could care less about what I do for a job or where my next speaking engagement is and especially how the mission is going-not because she doesn't care about all those things but because deep down she knows who \i was before and I am sure is happy that I have met JESUS but doesn't want to have tea with me because of all the "stuff" i do now. I found it easier to talk about Grace and how I have grown to love the people I used to curse with her because I knew my honesty wouldn't cause her to look the other way or question my "ability" to be in the role I am at HHSM. It felt free. It was the kind of moment where I knew if I had a breakdown of faith she wouldn't force me back to believing but simply listen knowing i would find my way back anyway. My friend is a Christian she and I were baptized at the same time almost 9 years ago. The amazing part is we are both major players in each others struggle pre-JESUS yet ironically both players in our faith journeys now.
I have met many great friends since knowing JESUS and this is not to suggest that I dont need them or appreciate what they have done and do in my life but today reminded me that there must have been something good about me before this journey and that God wants me to find that again. Maybe whats missing is the many parts of me that i threw away in a desperate attempt to never be that girl again? Its so easy to want the life that God has planned for me but perhaps He never intended for his original creation to be re-created just broken and put back together-thats 2 different things. I have been looking for new parts but what I was supposed to do was keep the old ones but reuse them,reshape them and re mold them for Gods glory. People know my testimony so they think they know who I was but testimonies are flawed in the aspect that we tell all the bad in our life before and all the good that is happening now. I know we are to take off our old selves and put on new but we are still putting it on the original creation right?
Anyway today turned out to be less about meeting an old friend for tea but about rediscovering that although there are some major things in my past i regret, am ashamed of and embarrassed by there are also things about me that have always been ok. Even if its only a couple of things,small things, they are still me , a part of me apart of me that God loves. I'm okay now and I think i might go searching for the couple of things about me that were ok then.
Thanks for reading and following my journey. Praying that you can look back and rediscover the good pieces of you too.
The truth is none of us are. But i think sometimes this longing to be "born again" can cause us to remove everything about who we were in order to have this "new life" in Christ. Maybe just maybe there were pieces of me that would still work on this journey with JESUS, maybe i need to really search for the parts of my life that are and have always been good? Is it possible that before JESUS I wasn't all bad? Well I discovered during a visit with one of my "pre-JESUS" friends that maybe just maybe Helen Norris (pre-JESUS) really wasn't ALL bad.
Its funny i hadn't spoke to this friend in a long time and she asked me why today and i didn't have an answer. Even if i did it probably wouldn't make much sense now anyway but as I reflect on it now I wonder if throwing away ALL of me to journey with JESUS I also let go of some pre-JESUS friends too, perhaps because they reminded me of who I used to be,maybe if i am really honest it might be easier to pretend to be a more "perfect" me post-JESUS with those who never knew me before. Lets be honest -the truth hurts. We were together this morning for a long time and i really enjoyed just being me with her. I didn't have to worry about letting the pre-JESUS me slip out or worry that she was somehow judging my behaviour. She could care less about what I do for a job or where my next speaking engagement is and especially how the mission is going-not because she doesn't care about all those things but because deep down she knows who \i was before and I am sure is happy that I have met JESUS but doesn't want to have tea with me because of all the "stuff" i do now. I found it easier to talk about Grace and how I have grown to love the people I used to curse with her because I knew my honesty wouldn't cause her to look the other way or question my "ability" to be in the role I am at HHSM. It felt free. It was the kind of moment where I knew if I had a breakdown of faith she wouldn't force me back to believing but simply listen knowing i would find my way back anyway. My friend is a Christian she and I were baptized at the same time almost 9 years ago. The amazing part is we are both major players in each others struggle pre-JESUS yet ironically both players in our faith journeys now.
I have met many great friends since knowing JESUS and this is not to suggest that I dont need them or appreciate what they have done and do in my life but today reminded me that there must have been something good about me before this journey and that God wants me to find that again. Maybe whats missing is the many parts of me that i threw away in a desperate attempt to never be that girl again? Its so easy to want the life that God has planned for me but perhaps He never intended for his original creation to be re-created just broken and put back together-thats 2 different things. I have been looking for new parts but what I was supposed to do was keep the old ones but reuse them,reshape them and re mold them for Gods glory. People know my testimony so they think they know who I was but testimonies are flawed in the aspect that we tell all the bad in our life before and all the good that is happening now. I know we are to take off our old selves and put on new but we are still putting it on the original creation right?
Anyway today turned out to be less about meeting an old friend for tea but about rediscovering that although there are some major things in my past i regret, am ashamed of and embarrassed by there are also things about me that have always been ok. Even if its only a couple of things,small things, they are still me , a part of me apart of me that God loves. I'm okay now and I think i might go searching for the couple of things about me that were ok then.
Thanks for reading and following my journey. Praying that you can look back and rediscover the good pieces of you too.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Gods Word,people pleasing and reclaiming the word "shit"
Gods word. I need to know it better i need to soak in it. Of all the "issues" i think I have to deal with in life I know most of them arise due to the fact that I do not Taste chew and swallow Gods word. I heard something interesting today that there are 3 main reasons that people read scripture: for intellectual reasons-so they can "know" more and recite more and become more knowledgeable, for good advice-when we have problems we look to it for answers and to make ourselves feel better. I have done all these things in fact i would have to say if I am honest that that would be the majority of the reasons why I go to Gods word. I wish this was not true but if i am going to learn anything on this journey I've go to be honest. I want to go to Gods word to be closer to Him to learn more about Him and to feed on His word so that my life begins to reflect His word. That's what i want.But how to i achieve this? Do we ever achieve this? Has anyone ever really figured out Gods true plan for their life and lived it out as He would want them to?
There are many things i know that i have in my life that God is not impressed with-that's putting it mildly and I also know there are things about me that He is pleased with. I know I am not where I should be but as they say " I am not where i used to be" and I hope that every year I continue to grow and be better but I want that to be because i want my life to be good and pleasing to God not other people. think that's harder than we would admit.
I know we all profess to be people who don't care what others think about us but we are liars.I have thought about a lot of my journey lately and realized that a lot of the "traps" i feel like i am stuck in on my faith journey have a lot to do with not making a certain move because it will make someone feel uncomfortable or i may disappoint someone.I hate that it even crosses my mind to give a shit what other people might think about my next move in my journey with God. (P.S my Dutch friend said SHIT is not a swear word it is something animals do on a farm and although i am not nor have ever been a farmer i am taking the word SHIT to express myself and feel it is okay because my Dutch friend -who is more like Jesus than most people I have met-said its okay) Every inch of who I am screams against the concept of doing or not doing something because someone else might be uncomfortable with it or it may not be what they would do-so why is it okay on my journey with God? The more i think about it the concept screams of ridiculous MORE when referring to my journey with God because it really is so personal. SO why do i do this? I wish i had the answer but more important;y i wish i had more FREAK to not care and to be bold for JESUS like i tell everyone else to do. Maybe i just need practice again. 9 years ago i did many things that made my family,workplace,friends very uncomfortable when i first met JESUS so why is it that i even think about how anyone feels now about a decision that may not make sense or be okay for everyone else? If you have any advice let me know.
Baby steps-that's the plan. Baby steps. My FREAK (SPIRIT) is right here in me and i feel like i need to release it before it dims out and i become an 80 year old "Christian" who uses the title but no one knows why. Baby steps. Gods word to give me strength,remind me of who i really am and to take root in HIS plan for me. Not MY plan,not my communities plan,not the missions plan, not my friends plan and yes not even my churches plan but GODS plan. I am not going to find it until i reclaim His word. Continue to keep me accountable all of you who have done so thus far. I love and appreciate all of you. Oh and from a previous blog you will be happy to know i cancelled 3 things this past week to spend more time with one of Gods most important plans for my life-my family. It wasn't easy but best decisions i could have made.
*****On a less serious note-not sure why the typing has changed style throughout this blog-great effect but not on purpose. Need to find out how i did that,See learning new things everyday.****
Continue on the journey -its a beautiful mess indeed!
There are many things i know that i have in my life that God is not impressed with-that's putting it mildly and I also know there are things about me that He is pleased with. I know I am not where I should be but as they say " I am not where i used to be" and I hope that every year I continue to grow and be better but I want that to be because i want my life to be good and pleasing to God not other people. think that's harder than we would admit.
I know we all profess to be people who don't care what others think about us but we are liars.I have thought about a lot of my journey lately and realized that a lot of the "traps" i feel like i am stuck in on my faith journey have a lot to do with not making a certain move because it will make someone feel uncomfortable or i may disappoint someone.I hate that it even crosses my mind to give a shit what other people might think about my next move in my journey with God. (P.S my Dutch friend said SHIT is not a swear word it is something animals do on a farm and although i am not nor have ever been a farmer i am taking the word SHIT to express myself and feel it is okay because my Dutch friend -who is more like Jesus than most people I have met-said its okay) Every inch of who I am screams against the concept of doing or not doing something because someone else might be uncomfortable with it or it may not be what they would do-so why is it okay on my journey with God? The more i think about it the concept screams of ridiculous MORE when referring to my journey with God because it really is so personal. SO why do i do this? I wish i had the answer but more important;y i wish i had more FREAK to not care and to be bold for JESUS like i tell everyone else to do. Maybe i just need practice again. 9 years ago i did many things that made my family,workplace,friends very uncomfortable when i first met JESUS so why is it that i even think about how anyone feels now about a decision that may not make sense or be okay for everyone else? If you have any advice let me know.
Baby steps-that's the plan. Baby steps. My FREAK (SPIRIT) is right here in me and i feel like i need to release it before it dims out and i become an 80 year old "Christian" who uses the title but no one knows why. Baby steps. Gods word to give me strength,remind me of who i really am and to take root in HIS plan for me. Not MY plan,not my communities plan,not the missions plan, not my friends plan and yes not even my churches plan but GODS plan. I am not going to find it until i reclaim His word. Continue to keep me accountable all of you who have done so thus far. I love and appreciate all of you. Oh and from a previous blog you will be happy to know i cancelled 3 things this past week to spend more time with one of Gods most important plans for my life-my family. It wasn't easy but best decisions i could have made.
*****On a less serious note-not sure why the typing has changed style throughout this blog-great effect but not on purpose. Need to find out how i did that,See learning new things everyday.****
Continue on the journey -its a beautiful mess indeed!
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
Do we really believe it?
Do we really believe what we say we believe? You know REALLY believe? I met with a friend of mine for tea this week, shes a part of this Jesus FREAK plan of mine to hold me accountable on the journey and for me to keep her accountable on her own journey. When we meet we give each other challenges,listen to each others journeys and dream about the day that we really harness the holy spirit power inside of us and what our world would look like if we did. This time the challenge was using the power of Gods word through scripture, harnessing the Holy Spirit and praying scripture out loud as a weapon for our lives and the lives of others. It was incredible.There is something about meeting with someone else who wants to walk beside you on a journey and has no interest in anything else but being completely honest about this difficult journey with God in the world. Someone who calls you out to be and do better for your life because GOD deserves it. LOVE LOVE LOVE!
We talked alot about something we whisper about in church-the holy spirit. Except when we said it there was power in it "The HOLY SPIRIT" inside of us that created the whole universe -we have that inside of us yet we stay so small and wonder why mountains aren't moving in our lives. Particularly for woman we carry so much guilt worry and shame with us that we cant even see straight sometimes. What we forget about is the power that God gave us to overcome all of this.We all say we have the spirit of God inside of us but who cares if we don't ever harness it. Why does it matter if we say the words but don't use what God gave us to create change in our lives and the lives of others? Does it really matter if we know the words or say the words? I don't think it does.I think any of what we believe really matters if we don't do anything about it and i think in particular the holy spirit power we have is something i want to look into further. Could you imagine what would happen if we tapped into Gods power in us daily and went into the world. Took all our garbage out and made room for the spirit to breathe-wow that would be awesome!
I think that's the very thing that God wants for His children. I think he longs for the days when we wake up in the morning and look at ourselves and love every inch that we see in the mirror,when we greet our spouses with love and thanks for who they are and how they have made our life richer. When we send our children to bed every night with no doubt that they are loved beyond measure, when everyone who comes in contact with us feels better about who they are when we decide to love ourselves in order to send a healthy person in to the world to reflect Gods love onto others. I want that. I no longer want to wish for that but i want to do my best everyday to have that. I am grateful for the people in my life who will make me accountable and help me achieve that. Maybe this journey isn't about finding my FREAK. Maybe i already have it inside me. My Spirit is the FREAK and instead of looking for it i need to harness it.
On this journey i hope to not only find my FREAK (or harness the spirit) but have everyone around me benefit from it. I hope to be the mother with children who know they are loved like crazy, a wife whose husband feels like he's the greatest guy in the world and that when i go into the world my foot print is one of grace love and mercy. Oh this will be tough but i love that there are people who love me enough to keep me accountable.I don't want to just say the words anymore I want to live them . Here we go........... \Oh Lord I really need you.
We talked alot about something we whisper about in church-the holy spirit. Except when we said it there was power in it "The HOLY SPIRIT" inside of us that created the whole universe -we have that inside of us yet we stay so small and wonder why mountains aren't moving in our lives. Particularly for woman we carry so much guilt worry and shame with us that we cant even see straight sometimes. What we forget about is the power that God gave us to overcome all of this.We all say we have the spirit of God inside of us but who cares if we don't ever harness it. Why does it matter if we say the words but don't use what God gave us to create change in our lives and the lives of others? Does it really matter if we know the words or say the words? I don't think it does.I think any of what we believe really matters if we don't do anything about it and i think in particular the holy spirit power we have is something i want to look into further. Could you imagine what would happen if we tapped into Gods power in us daily and went into the world. Took all our garbage out and made room for the spirit to breathe-wow that would be awesome!
I think that's the very thing that God wants for His children. I think he longs for the days when we wake up in the morning and look at ourselves and love every inch that we see in the mirror,when we greet our spouses with love and thanks for who they are and how they have made our life richer. When we send our children to bed every night with no doubt that they are loved beyond measure, when everyone who comes in contact with us feels better about who they are when we decide to love ourselves in order to send a healthy person in to the world to reflect Gods love onto others. I want that. I no longer want to wish for that but i want to do my best everyday to have that. I am grateful for the people in my life who will make me accountable and help me achieve that. Maybe this journey isn't about finding my FREAK. Maybe i already have it inside me. My Spirit is the FREAK and instead of looking for it i need to harness it.
On this journey i hope to not only find my FREAK (or harness the spirit) but have everyone around me benefit from it. I hope to be the mother with children who know they are loved like crazy, a wife whose husband feels like he's the greatest guy in the world and that when i go into the world my foot print is one of grace love and mercy. Oh this will be tough but i love that there are people who love me enough to keep me accountable.I don't want to just say the words anymore I want to live them . Here we go........... \Oh Lord I really need you.
Monday, September 24, 2012
Is it possible to be too busy for God doing Gods work?
I know this may sound like a strange question-" Can we be too busy for God doing Gods work?" But i seriously wonder if this may be part of my problem. As I looked at my schedule for this week i was excited about seeing all the great things going on at HHSM and thought how pleasing to God it will be when all of these "events" happen. Thinking of how many people will be blessed by each event. Then I thought for a moment about all the juggling i am trying to do with meetings, family,friends and prepping for speaking engagements and just the day to day stuff we all do, I wondered if all this "God stuff" was actually keeping me from God.
The idea of accomplishing all these tasks has left me with little room to just sit with God and be with Him,listen to Him. Perhaps that's an element to this FREAK journey that is one of my biggest stumbling blocks-too much God "stuff" but not enough GOD. The challenge i find though is trying to figure out what to remove from the list. Clearly God needs to be first-or at least thats what I say but am i really going to take away those moments created to bless others in the community that leave me with a great sense of accomplishment or dare i say pride!?! As i wrestled with this before the sun came up i can to a humbling realization. I think i drop God from my schedule but try to justify it by doing " God stuff" like somehow He wont notice that i have dismissed Him for my personal gratification of watching others be blessed.
I dont think i should cancel everything going on this week-in fact i am still very excited about it and i think thats ok. BUT i really think this journey i am on has caused me to realize that during the seasons of busyness that we all have in our culture that causes stress and anxiety even the stuff that is really great i think I forgot that need to go to Him first. I know if I go to God first He will supply me with what i need to make it through the busy times and also let me forget about myself in this whole process and allow the blessings to flow where they should flow-straight to Him. I need to focus on God and everything else will fall into place. I need to stop pretending like all the glory in all I do is for Him and be honest about what glory i secretly take for myself.
Despite some of the rearranging i will need to do with some people this week I am confident that making the time for God is where i need to focus no matter how upset people might get. I realize that if i was as worried about pleasing God as i am about many people in my life everything would work out a lot smoother. I think if i shift into this thinking i may find that FREAK sooner than later. I will keep you posted and would appreciate you keeping me accountable.
The idea of accomplishing all these tasks has left me with little room to just sit with God and be with Him,listen to Him. Perhaps that's an element to this FREAK journey that is one of my biggest stumbling blocks-too much God "stuff" but not enough GOD. The challenge i find though is trying to figure out what to remove from the list. Clearly God needs to be first-or at least thats what I say but am i really going to take away those moments created to bless others in the community that leave me with a great sense of accomplishment or dare i say pride!?! As i wrestled with this before the sun came up i can to a humbling realization. I think i drop God from my schedule but try to justify it by doing " God stuff" like somehow He wont notice that i have dismissed Him for my personal gratification of watching others be blessed.
I dont think i should cancel everything going on this week-in fact i am still very excited about it and i think thats ok. BUT i really think this journey i am on has caused me to realize that during the seasons of busyness that we all have in our culture that causes stress and anxiety even the stuff that is really great i think I forgot that need to go to Him first. I know if I go to God first He will supply me with what i need to make it through the busy times and also let me forget about myself in this whole process and allow the blessings to flow where they should flow-straight to Him. I need to focus on God and everything else will fall into place. I need to stop pretending like all the glory in all I do is for Him and be honest about what glory i secretly take for myself.
Despite some of the rearranging i will need to do with some people this week I am confident that making the time for God is where i need to focus no matter how upset people might get. I realize that if i was as worried about pleasing God as i am about many people in my life everything would work out a lot smoother. I think if i shift into this thinking i may find that FREAK sooner than later. I will keep you posted and would appreciate you keeping me accountable.
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Bringing God back to church
A little confirmation goes a long way. I think.....no i know I must have really annoyed the person sitting next to me last night with all my "AMEN-ing" i know that's not a word but boy did I AMEN like i haven't amen-ed in a long time. I was at Vertical church last night. I entered my FREAK zone last night.
It was standing room only by the time we got started and we were "lucky" to find the seats we did, actually the people we followed out of the elevator ended up going through the back entrance by accident and we were escorted up by ushers. There's the first of many "Amen's" of the night. We ended up at the very top which i just concluded must be better " this is great we are just closer to heaven now" It started off with worship, amazing worship to God but I didn't get any FREAK from it-but it was really good. The chairs we definitely comfy but no Freak from them. The space wow big,clean and beautiful lots of people but still no FREAK. Pastor he was really great I'd listen to him again (i do most mornings) some sparks but still he didn't bring the FREAK. It was the spirit of God in the room busting through the walls,entering peoples hearts and laying down the law through scripture about the church, all of us in that room - FREAK.
Isaiah 64 "Oh , that you would rend the heavens and come down, that the mountains would tremble before you!" I have read this scripture before in fact Isaiah was one of the first books of scripture that was given to me by God when my JESUS FREAK journey started, but I believe it was brought to my attention last night in such a profound way because of this searching i am doing. I love when scripture comes alive in the spirit and you can no longer even see the person preaching it anymore but just hear the words and feel the spirit in the room.God's holy spirit fire in the room. Oh how glorious that feeling is. This scripture in Isaiah is a passionate cry out to God to tear apart all the barriers church has put up so God can move back in. The God that moves mountains-the things that make us feel small in our life. The God who never said "whisper to me" but we all do that, we whisper our praise to God in song, prayer, lowering our expectations of a God who can move all mountains and deciding to live quiet lives for the Lord. The Holy Spirit power that created the heavens and the earth dwells inside of us yet we area waiting for someone else or something else to step up instead of living out our fullness of who God is. His spirit dwelling within us. This sets people on fire for God. Reminding people who they are called to be. Oh can i get an AMEN!
Of course the reality is none of that matters really until we figure out how to bring God back to church. Before churches ever die Gods voice in them dies. If God is moving mountains in the church than things like the band, the brochures, the coffee wont matter anymore-nothing else will matter because the church is supposed to be the place where God is moving mountains. A place where we share the amazing movements of God in our lives and telling each other so that people don't just think God retired and isn't performing miracles anymore. I want to be apart of saving the church, Not just for me or my family but for everyone who stopped or never started because God is waiting to move back in.
It was standing room only by the time we got started and we were "lucky" to find the seats we did, actually the people we followed out of the elevator ended up going through the back entrance by accident and we were escorted up by ushers. There's the first of many "Amen's" of the night. We ended up at the very top which i just concluded must be better " this is great we are just closer to heaven now" It started off with worship, amazing worship to God but I didn't get any FREAK from it-but it was really good. The chairs we definitely comfy but no Freak from them. The space wow big,clean and beautiful lots of people but still no FREAK. Pastor he was really great I'd listen to him again (i do most mornings) some sparks but still he didn't bring the FREAK. It was the spirit of God in the room busting through the walls,entering peoples hearts and laying down the law through scripture about the church, all of us in that room - FREAK.
Isaiah 64 "Oh , that you would rend the heavens and come down, that the mountains would tremble before you!" I have read this scripture before in fact Isaiah was one of the first books of scripture that was given to me by God when my JESUS FREAK journey started, but I believe it was brought to my attention last night in such a profound way because of this searching i am doing. I love when scripture comes alive in the spirit and you can no longer even see the person preaching it anymore but just hear the words and feel the spirit in the room.God's holy spirit fire in the room. Oh how glorious that feeling is. This scripture in Isaiah is a passionate cry out to God to tear apart all the barriers church has put up so God can move back in. The God that moves mountains-the things that make us feel small in our life. The God who never said "whisper to me" but we all do that, we whisper our praise to God in song, prayer, lowering our expectations of a God who can move all mountains and deciding to live quiet lives for the Lord. The Holy Spirit power that created the heavens and the earth dwells inside of us yet we area waiting for someone else or something else to step up instead of living out our fullness of who God is. His spirit dwelling within us. This sets people on fire for God. Reminding people who they are called to be. Oh can i get an AMEN!
Of course the reality is none of that matters really until we figure out how to bring God back to church. Before churches ever die Gods voice in them dies. If God is moving mountains in the church than things like the band, the brochures, the coffee wont matter anymore-nothing else will matter because the church is supposed to be the place where God is moving mountains. A place where we share the amazing movements of God in our lives and telling each other so that people don't just think God retired and isn't performing miracles anymore. I want to be apart of saving the church, Not just for me or my family but for everyone who stopped or never started because God is waiting to move back in.
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