Gods word. I need to know it better i need to soak in it. Of all the "issues" i think I have to deal with in life I know most of them arise due to the fact that I do not Taste chew and swallow Gods word. I heard something interesting today that there are 3 main reasons that people read scripture: for intellectual reasons-so they can "know" more and recite more and become more knowledgeable, for good advice-when we have problems we look to it for answers and to make ourselves feel better. I have done all these things in fact i would have to say if I am honest that that would be the majority of the reasons why I go to Gods word. I wish this was not true but if i am going to learn anything on this journey I've go to be honest. I want to go to Gods word to be closer to Him to learn more about Him and to feed on His word so that my life begins to reflect His word. That's what i want.But how to i achieve this? Do we ever achieve this? Has anyone ever really figured out Gods true plan for their life and lived it out as He would want them to?
There are many things i know that i have in my life that God is not impressed with-that's putting it mildly and I also know there are things about me that He is pleased with. I know I am not where I should be but as they say " I am not where i used to be" and I hope that every year I continue to grow and be better but I want that to be because i want my life to be good and pleasing to God not other people. think that's harder than we would admit.
I know we all profess to be people who don't care what others think about us but we are liars.I have thought about a lot of my journey lately and realized that a lot of the "traps" i feel like i am stuck in on my faith journey have a lot to do with not making a certain move because it will make someone feel uncomfortable or i may disappoint someone.I hate that it even crosses my mind to give a shit what other people might think about my next move in my journey with God. (P.S my Dutch friend said SHIT is not a swear word it is something animals do on a farm and although i am not nor have ever been a farmer i am taking the word SHIT to express myself and feel it is okay because my Dutch friend -who is more like Jesus than most people I have met-said its okay) Every inch of who I am screams against the concept of doing or not doing something because someone else might be uncomfortable with it or it may not be what they would do-so why is it okay on my journey with God? The more i think about it the concept screams of ridiculous MORE when referring to my journey with God because it really is so personal. SO why do i do this? I wish i had the answer but more important;y i wish i had more FREAK to not care and to be bold for JESUS like i tell everyone else to do. Maybe i just need practice again. 9 years ago i did many things that made my family,workplace,friends very uncomfortable when i first met JESUS so why is it that i even think about how anyone feels now about a decision that may not make sense or be okay for everyone else? If you have any advice let me know.
Baby steps-that's the plan. Baby steps. My FREAK (SPIRIT) is right here in me and i feel like i need to release it before it dims out and i become an 80 year old "Christian" who uses the title but no one knows why. Baby steps. Gods word to give me strength,remind me of who i really am and to take root in HIS plan for me. Not MY plan,not my communities plan,not the missions plan, not my friends plan and yes not even my churches plan but GODS plan. I am not going to find it until i reclaim His word. Continue to keep me accountable all of you who have done so thus far. I love and appreciate all of you. Oh and from a previous blog you will be happy to know i cancelled 3 things this past week to spend more time with one of Gods most important plans for my life-my family. It wasn't easy but best decisions i could have made.
*****On a less serious note-not sure why the typing has changed style throughout this blog-great effect but not on purpose. Need to find out how i did that,See learning new things everyday.****
Continue on the journey -its a beautiful mess indeed!
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