Make me a channel of your peace

Today I have not left the house, wait that's a lie i did get the mail and throw out the kitty litter but you get my point. A shower wasn't necessary but now as i sit here writing this i realize after a long day of medication,coughing,napping,e-mail answering and more napping it is definitely time to do that. I did choose to cancel work today,well besides e-mails, and got over the guilt pretty quick i must admit. Whatever this is knocks me out during the day but in a sick joke keeps me up at night. I was grateful for the wonderful woman who replaced me but to be honest the gig wasn't that hard today. It was handing out baked goods to golfers and then enjoy a delicious meal. I was also grateful for our board member who agreed to say the Thank-you speech i was supposed to say. All of this certainly helped with the guilt.

                      Being sick does lend to some interesting reflection time. Of course i started off being excited that i could have a great excuse for watching the few channels we get but the ones we do get are show after show about people throwing up their life on camera and all of us eating it. Gross analogy i know but so true. After being sick of  the judges,the gossip and the "news" I gave up and sat around for a while doing nothing. Which i need to tell you is very difficult to do. My head began to fill up with alot of junk-i know this probably had something to do with all the junk i just exposed myself to-but i couldn't believe how easily it invaded my brain! What i wanted to do was try in some sense to meditate on God and i started to sing this song in my head that i remembered singing in school called "make me a channel of your peace" I used to hate that song-really hate it. |I remember we used to make fun of it when we had to go to mass at school and there was this one teacher who used to blow into this little harmonica thing before we would start and move her finger up and down as if we were going to somehow follow it and make some beautiful sound in a grand choir at the cathedral. What she got were giggles when she blew that thing and exaggerated voices when we would get to the part " so much to be consoled as to CON SOOOOOOOLLLLLLEEE! in this annoying high pitch wail. I feel like i need to find out where that teacher lives now and apologize to her.

                    If you have never heard of that song look it up. It really is great . The words are from ST.Francis of Assisi and i meditated on them for some time this afternoon and gained a real appreciation for them. I love when God does that with memories. He floods back the ones he knows you will need just to show you nothing is a waste.  I found this one by Sinead O'Conner that's great just close your eyes and listen.

On this journey to find my FREAK i love how He uses it all. I think all of these references to the Catholic church, this song,CWL and Mother Theresa are Gods way of reminding me that my Catholic experience probably wasn't as terrible as I used to say. Maybe in all that junk i talk about deep beneath it was still God all the time. I didn't experience the fullness of God because He wasn't there but much like my own life i choose to focus on the junk instead of what was underneath all that pile. No worries I dont think I will be heading back to the Catholic church anytime soon but i have to tell you my roots on God really are there so maybe some more digging may be just what i need on this journey. Wow somewhere my grade 10 religion teacher is hearing the sound of angels singing "AMEN" :)

Thanks for following the journey.